Am I in the wrong?

[Frostee]

It’s not what she’s saying but in the chat to the right. Can you see that?

 

[Judge]

You need to look at the big picture. Not compartmentalize all your social encounters like this so you can blame others. This won't solve the real issues in play.

Time to deal with the real issues you have with others.

Continuing to socialize with those who may already be contemptuous of you in some way fair or not may be an exercise in futility, regardless of how you perceive yourself right or wrong in individual circumstances.

 

[Kalinychta]

We would need to see past comments and interactions with you there. Judging by your behavior on this forum, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re tired of your attitude.

 

[Judge]

We would need to see past comments and interactions with you there. Judging by your behavior on this forum, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re tired of your attitude.

Exactly. Where preconceived notions are more likely to occur, and people gang up on a person.

Where whether or not it's construed as "fair" or not no longer matters to them.

A place most of us have been at one time or another.

 

[Frostee]

Wow you’re obscenely rude.

 

[Judge]

Wow you’re obscenely rude.

No, I'm autistically blunt. There's quite a difference. Telling someone what they want to hear rather than what they need to know is not doing them a kindness.

What you cannot seem to grasp is that this is not an objective matter of right or wrong. It's simply about human behavior. What you're doing to piss people off. When right or wrong no longer matter. Where there is only animosity, and an environment where it's unlikely for you to mend fences with them.

At some point you have to deal with the reality of the situation. Which doesn't matter whether you perceive yourself to be on high moral ground or not. All these individual scenarios you keep posting about seem designed for you to solicit validation. Simply put, that in itself will not solve the problem.

 

[Kalinychta]

Wow you’re obscenely rude.

No. You just don’t want to listen to what we have to say. You don’t actually care what we think. You just want us to confirm that you’ve been attacked and post soothing and indignant comments. Judge’s advice to you is right on the mark. You need to get into therapy, Frostee. It’s clear that you’re a very unhappy young man.

 

[tree]

It’s not what she’s saying but in the chat to the right. Can you see that?

No, all I get from the video is that woman talking.

Here is a screen shot of what I see at 3 hours 15+ minutes.

It's just that woman, reading things.

 

[Frostee]

You have to click on the chat button below her video.

 

[tree]

You have to click on the chat button below her video.

There is no chat button visible in the video in this thread.

Maybe if a person were on youtube there is a chat button visible.

 

[tree]

That's it.
To view the chat comments, a person has to go to youtube.

Screenshot from youtube:

 

[Frostee]

Ok yes that is the chat. Can you see what went on?

 

[Nitro]

Ok yes that is the chat. Can you see what went on?

No, I saw a guy that is upset over much of nothing.
That guy would be you.

Maybe you need to find another outlet for your entertainment, one where it doesn't involve interacting with others who damage your fragile ego.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Good lord what a boring video. I can't believe I just wasted 10 minutes of my life on this when you are probably just going to ignore everything I and everyone else says again anyway but I feel the need to try.

So I read through the chat and this is what I saw happen:
You commented on being tired and woman acknowledged your comment, you took this as her being snarky (without any cause as far as I could see) and attacked her. She thought this was out of character and thus suspected you might be a fake account pretending to be you, and eventually was reassured that that wasn't the case. Misunderstandings all round really. You then refused to let it go and went on and on about being offended and everyone else got fed up with the bickering.

It's pretty clear what happened and it is just a continuation of you pattern of behaviour in this and other forums. You take innocent and often helpful comments as attacks, you get offended and think this gives you a right to behave badly towards others, other people find this strange and childish and assume you are trying to get attention/provoke a reaction/trolling.

There is one consistent factor in every interaction you have in every forum. You. Try looking back over your interactions and considering them without getting upset over them, and think about how you could respond differently to make the interaction go smoother.

A couple of examples:

Instead of assuming the womans response to you being tired was sarcastic, you could have just taken it as a simple acknowledgement of your comment, which is how small talk works. You can't know what is motivating the words of others, so instead of assuming the worst and taking offence, why not assume the best?

Instead of going on about being offended and getting defensive, you could have simply apologised, moved on and begun talking about something else. The poor woman in the video is rambling on and on and everyone in the chat seems to be ignoring her, there were many opportunities for you to change the conversation to the topic of the video instead of continuing to push back on the topic of a silly misunderstanding.

None of what I have said here is an attack or attempt to be rude, I am simply trying to help.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

What a mess this thread is. I'd suggest that this train wreck gets locked and we move forward.

Another example of someone wasting the valuable time of other forum members.

No one here was forced to comment? We all chose to take the time to reply, the only people's time we're wasting is our own.

 

[Misery]

Good lord what a boring video. I can't believe I just wasted 10 minutes of my life on this when you are probably just going to ignore everything I and everyone else says again anyway but I feel the need to try.

So I read through the chat and this is what I saw happen:
You commented on being tired and woman acknowledged your comment, you took this as her being snarky (without any cause as far as I could see) and attacked her. She thought this was out of character and thus suspected you might be a fake account pretending to be you, and eventually was reassured that that wasn't the case. Misunderstandings all round really. You then refused to let it go and went on and on about being offended and everyone else got fed up with the bickering.

It's pretty clear what happened and it is just a continuation of you pattern of behaviour in this and other forums. You take innocent and often helpful comments as attacks, you get offended and think this gives you a right to behave badly towards others, other people find this strange and childish and assume you are trying to get attention/provoke a reaction/trolling.

There is one consistent factor in every interaction you have in every forum. You. Try looking back over your interactions and considering them without getting upset over them, and think about how you could respond differently to make the interaction go smoother.

A couple of examples:

Instead of assuming the womans response to you being tired was sarcastic, you could have just taken it as a simple acknowledgement of your comment, which is how small talk works. You can't know what is motivating the words of others, so instead of assuming the worst and taking offence, why not assume the best?

Instead of going on about being offended and getting defensive, you could have simply apologised, moved on and begun talking about something else. The poor woman in the video is rambling on and on and everyone in the chat seems to be ignoring her, there were many opportunities for you to change the conversation to the topic of the video instead of continuing to push back on the topic of a silly misunderstanding.

None of what I have said here is an attack or attempt to be rude, I am simply trying to help.

Aye, this is spot on.

@Frostee, one way or another, whether you like it or not, sooner or later you will be forced to confront the things being said here, the stuff that is summed up in this quote. Because if you dont, this will keep repeating...

...Just like I said it would multiple times before. I went and looked at that video, and I watched through the chat. What I saw was not people being rude to you.... it was you being rude to THEM over just a silly misunderstanding, and them getting frustrated at being attacked (and who wouldnt?), and then you not just dropping the whole thing. I guarantee you, most of the people that have a look at that chat are going to see the same thing.

You post things like this, and you do so with the intent of getting us to tell you that you're right, that you did nothing wrong... but that's not how advice works, and notice that it's never how these threads end. THIS SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING. I've pointed out more than once in the past that you need to examine YOUR behavior before you condemn the behavior of others, and I notice as time goes on and you make more and more of these, that more and more other forum members are echoing those things I've said in the past. The more you keep doing this, the more of that echo you're going to hear, as we all spot the same problem and reach the same conclusion.

If it was just a couple of us "being rude", we would all be arguing amongst ourselves, as a lot of us don't handle genuine rudeness very well. But it isn't, and we aren't. So no, none of what anyone said on this forum has been rude. There's been a couple of times in past topics where people have gotten frustrated, but that's frustration at your lack of being willing to accept the existence of the actual problem, and your lack of even CONSIDERING the advice given in topics that specifically ask for advice.


I've said this before, and I'll say it again: Giving advice ***DOES NOT*** mean just telling the person what they WANT to hear. It means telling them what they NEED to hear. Whether or not you LIKE hearing that is completely irrelevant. That is how REAL advice works.

And you're specifically asking for advice on a forum full of autistic individuals. It wont even OCCUR to most of us to do the "say something just to make the other person feel nice even if it's a lie" thing. We don't think that way (well, most of us anyway). When you ask for advice or opinions on this forum, you get pure blunt honesty in response... nothing more, nothing less.

And until you can accept what that honesty truly means, you'll be stuck in this loop.


That's all I'm going to say on the matter this time. My work here is done, for now.

Until next time....

 

[LucyPurrs]

Frostee, if you keep reacting with hostility to those here who are trying to help you, sooner or later no one will respond because they are tired of being punished by your reactions.

 

[the_tortoise]

I am referring to her/their reaction. The fact that they blew what I said into a whole row that lasted 30 + mins where I was banned and called a troll/fake account.

They probably don’t understand why you would be offended, and feel unfairly criticized or attacked by you for no reason (from their perspective there is no reason, if they cannot see it...much the same way that for you from your perspective there is no reason to accuse you of being a troll - they do have a reason you just cannot see what it is in the same way they cannot see why you were offended.)

They probably think what you said about being offended made no sense and therefore interpreted it as a personal attack or manipulation rather than any kind of self defense or reaching out — possibly in the same way you see their accusations of trolling as an unfair personal attack rather than a defensive interpretation and response to perceived hostility/malice from you.

(Note I cannot go through the video.)

 

[Frostee]

They probably don’t understand why you would be offended, and feel unfairly criticized or attacked by you for no reason (from their perspective there is no reason, if they cannot see it...much the same way that for you from your perspective there is no reason to accuse you of being a troll - they do have a reason you just cannot see what it is in the same way they cannot see why you were offended.)

They probably think what you said about being offended made no sense and therefore interpreted it as a personal attack or manipulation rather than any kind of self defense or reaching out — possibly in the same way you see their accusations of trolling as an unfair personal attack rather than a defensive interpretation and response to perceived hostility/malice from you.

(Note I cannot go through the video.)

Thank You for explaining with clarity how they would feel from their end without attacking me. It is much appreciated.

 

[Progster]

This is a huge dilemma for most people on the spectrum. That we cannot easily see how we appear to a Neurotypical mindset. And how quickly they can negatively react, all while we don't have a clue of what just happened in real time.

Yes, this. Been there, done that, got the proverbial T-shirt. I often don't see interaction through the social lens that NTs use, don't communicate in the way I intended, and then miscommunications and misunderstandings occur. I'm not able to see things as they do, and also, don't pick up on these non-verbal hidden emotional metamessages; in social interaction, it's often not the words or actual message that's important, but the emotion that the message is intended to convey.

To me, from the outside, it looks like a misunderstanding that started when Frostee interpreted a comment as being sarcastic, when that was not necessarily the case. People are indeed often sarcastic, but not always: sometimes it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt and not automatically assume sarcasm: I often ask if they mean it really or sarcastically when in doubt.

I had a look at the video and chat, and it struck me as being particularly fast-moving, intense - so one is supposed to both follow what she is saying at the same time as reading, interpreting and responding to others in the chat, and several people at once. I find that kind of situation impossible to keep up with and avoid this kind of scenario like the plague. My advice to you @Frostee would be to avoid this kind of interraction, it really is a minefield.