1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Am I in the wrong?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Dec 10, 2019.

  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    I mentioned having some personal issues in dealing with a TrueCrime YouTube channel previously. Basically the channel is a TrueCrime channel mostly with women.

    There aren’t too many males in there but they do glorify those who come in. There is one in particular who came in recently who they constantly refer to and give special treatment to - the woman who runs the channel mentions his name constantly and asks him questions whilst not paying too much attention to anyone else. She takes his opinion as gospel as if he is an expert.

    He is not attractive and is quite the attention seeker. (He makes snide/childish comments and they spend minutes at a time laughing at them. I don’t find anything that he says to be funny, for ex, he will say “woo woo, let’s all get a woo woo out of ...”).I’m not sure why he is glorified.

    Anyhow I am acknowledged but not glorified or obsessed over.

    I do get a little irritated as I participate every morning and feel that I should be just as valuable to the channel.. no one user should be glorified or talked about either as far as I am concerned.

    Anyway... I had a blow out with one of the moderators this morning. What happened was I said “oh I am tired, just up” and she responded with like a sarcastic response “oh that’s very interesting” or something. My comment was just a statement, I wasn’t looking to elicit anything.

    I said to her that I was offended at her comment. She responds, turns the whole thing into a massive row. They all gang up on me and she bans me for 1 hour. (I read the comments and they were all supporting her for banning me)

    When I get back she asks me questions and tries to say that I’m a clone account. A few of them then block me and accuse me of being a troll.

    They all nag me into apologising to her. But when I do (and I don’t see why I should, I was offended) some of them still keep ranting about me having not apologised.

    Afterwards I try to contact her but she ignores me.

    So, now I don’t know who is right or wrong. I am annoyed at her reaction to me being offended, the fact that they all ganged up on me, she played the victim and I am turned into the evil witch for daring to question her conduct.

    I really did not know what to do. I felt I was blackmailed into apologising, despite not wanting to. The other thing was that they asked me to drop the issue, so I did. THEY then continued to make snide remarks about me, for the next half hour after I drop out. Ranting about me being an attention seeker basically. So why force me to drop it but then rant about it? It’s almost as if they were itching for a row.

    Beneath the video I requested that she contact me, but was ignored.

    I guess now I am going to be given the Silent Treatment.

    Just another case of me being ganged up on for no reason. It’s not right for this to happen. It’s unacceptable behaviour.

    Ultimately, I am hurt and feel that I was bullied and ganged up on by these women who were looking for a row.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,918
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +10,561
    Why were you offended by her comment? It’s not necessarily offensive or rude. Surely it’s not worth getting into an argument with a moderator over.
    And why is it so important to you what the other male members look like?
    Why is it so important to you to be acknowledged?
    I sense a theme in your posts in which you are looking for external validation a lot. Maybe turning your focus inwards would be more helpful for now?
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
  3. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,403
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +1,824
    Instead of asking who's wrong, leave the group and don't look back. People can be jerks as you've already noticed, and if that disgusts you then find some who aren't. Work on your behavior too or don't, that might help a tad bit.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  4. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,286
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Karma:
    +2,094
    Don't see anything wrong with what she said. Sometimes you have to let things go a bit more.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
  5. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    I am referring to her/their reaction. The fact that they blew what I said into a whole row that lasted 30 + mins where I was banned and called a troll/fake account.
     
  6. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    It's just an overall concern that I have that I often end up being ganged up upon, and why that happens? I would love to work to stop this, but I do not know why it happens.
     
  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    24,608
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +31,686
    You continue this pattern of behavior not only with others you come into contact in real life, but with us in routinely soliciting feedback and validation. This may reflect something that can be a classic issue with many on the spectrum. That you are deficient in theory of mind- better known as "mind blindness". Your inability to understand and socially relate to others in your orbit. A neurological deficit that has nothing to do with basic intelligence.

    If you project the appearance that you really don't care about others, anticipate that most Neurotypicals are likely to pick up on it very fast. Whether it's true or not. And that in the course of such behavior, many may not be likely to give you a second chance. That in a social sense, they wrote you off before you even had a clue. And there's the dilemma. With mind blindness, there may be no clues to you. And if there are none for you, then effectively it's impossible to truly relate such experiences to people like us who are trying to help you.

    Whether or not mind-blindness may be "hard-wired" in your case is something only you or your doctor can probably determine. That whatever mistakes you are making, you don't seem to recognize them. You see only the perceived mistakes of others. Your challenge is to become honest and open beginning with yourself enough to attempt at least try to recognize what you might be doing wrong. Determine to the best of your ability what you may or may not be projecting to others when you address or respond to them.

    In your case, have you ever considered using a quality portable digital recording device? You could record real-time dialog between you and others, and study it after the fact. Which might begin to provide you with clues as to what is happening. Particularly if this involves new acquaintances. (The old ones may have already written you off where you have no chance of socially gaining their respect.)

    And try to become interested or at least feign interest in others. Work on projecting empathy. Whether it's really there or not. Show them that you can be interested in others and not merely yourself. Become part of a community. Be aware of the circumstances of others and comment on them. Maybe even try to offer some help as so many have done for you. If you carry on in such a manner, few if any will eventually give much thought about you as a troll. And even if you don't truly feel it, that's ok too. That's a major element of masking your traits and behaviors. It's not about how you feel so much as how you appear to others. Whatever it takes to avoid being socially branded with terms like "narcissist", etc.. It's a masquerade for sure, but one that will keep you from constantly being at odds with everyone around you all the time.

    Until you really begin to work on such things, I suspect you will just continue to go in circles, coming here and asking why, and getting fewer and fewer responses. Where you don't really know what is going wrong, so we don't either. Clearly there's a deficit to be made up, that might actually explain what is really going on, as opposed to only what you think is going on.

    I'm not saying any of this will be easy for you, but it's time to look inward rather than to continue to blame others over what is likely to be more complicated than you have imagined. You need to give up compartmentalizing all these negative social encounters and focus on what YOU are doing rather than what they are doing. That in all of your posts with different people and circumstances, there remains ONE common denominator.

    - Yourself. Where at the very least you can determine whether or not you have any ability at all in understanding the state of mind of others and not merely yourself. To first accept that what you perceive may be in fact not what is happening in real time interactions with others.

    Though in your case I suspect you may have to start from scratch socially speaking. That all the people you continue to butt heads with in your social orbit have long sense written you off. So you may have to apply this new approach to entirely new people you meet. Start fresh.

    Empathy, Mindblindness, and Theory of Mind
     
    • Winner Winner x 7
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
  8. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    I can post the video and show you all what was said.

    Here it is:

    The complaining starts at about 3:15.

    I am WS.

    You can now make your own assessment of how they responded to me. Instead of assuming that it’s all on me as usual.
     
  9. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    24,608
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +31,686
    If they already have preconceived notions of you, you still have to get to the heart of why rather than compartmentalizing it all with individual incidents. And understand that whatever they do or don't say may or may not reflect their real grievances.

    All your posts continue to say the same thing. That you need to address your own traits and behavior rather than those of others. Remember that YOU are the one common denominator in all of this.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  10. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    Excuse me read their comments before coming to me.
     
  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    24,608
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +31,686
    You're going in circles as usual. Time to break this cycle you are incessantly repeating. Where you can't relate to others so you default to everything being the fault of others.

    Start there instead of repeating yourself into a corner every time.

    Time to face what is really going on here as opposed to what you perceive. That it's all about how you are perceived...no matter who is to blame. That it's you and not them who remains the common denominator, from one situation to another.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019
    • Agree Agree x 3
  12. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    Since when is being offended not relating! You turned this around on me AGAIN.

    :mad:
     
  13. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    34,408
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +24,912
    Where are the comments?

    I have been looking at this video and am not able to make any sense of it.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  14. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    Do you see WS in the chat? That is me. They are arguing with me.

    Can you see that, at all?
     
  15. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    34,408
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +24,912
    The video starts with that woman being confused.
    Then she talks about some people having affairs.

    When you cite 3:15, do you mean 3 minutes and 15 seconds?
    Or do you mean 3 hours and 15 minutes?
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  16. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    3 hours, 15. She is in America so I had only just gotten up at that point.
     
  17. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    24,608
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +31,686
    It was always YOU.

    It just took a number of us time to come to terms with what you must come to terms with yourself.

    A place that many- if not most of us have been in ourselves. Where we have either burned our bridges with others and don't know, or that we just don't care.

    Where when people have preconceived notions of you, you need not carry on endless in depth searches of "why". Your best bet is to simply move on, and attempt to sculpt a better social atmosphere than the one you left behind.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    513
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +431
    I do care about people and have empathy. You are not being kind, I am on the verge of blocking you.
     
  19. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    24,608
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +31,686
    Most of us are. However it doesn't mean that we can project it in a way meaningful to most Neurotypicals.

    This is a huge dilemma for most people on the spectrum. That we cannot easily see how we appear to a Neurotypical mindset. And how quickly they can negatively react, all while we don't have a clue of what just happened in real time.

    This isn't about being kind. This is about telling you what you need to know so you can have a chance to improve your life instead of continuing to go in circles.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  20. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    34,408
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +24,912
    All I've heard in the video around 3 hours 15+ minutes
    is Mimi, a boat, a party, cheese, a test, somebody sent
    a picture (the woman says), an invitation.....

    What is the point of this video?