am i being selfish?

[biblophile]

I have been with my girl friend for a long time, and I cannot help but think it is selfish for me to ask her to be with a person who is so much trouble all the time. someone who can barely look after himself. I love her, but I feel like I can never give her the life she deserves because I can not function in the world like others can.
she knows about my Asperger's, and she has been understanding and supportive. But what am I doing to her life? I feel a terrible guilt over this.

 

[WereBear]

You are not considering her feelings? Is this you worrying, or is she unhappy?

 

[biblophile]

that's a good point. I think she is unhappy, my low self confidence makes me think I am the cause

 

[Warmheart]

What a wonderful opportunity to open up a dialogue with her, to see what her perspective in this is. This could be a very loving conversation, full of deep listening, and kind speech. I'm wishing the very best for you both.

 

[WereBear]

Showing someone you care can be a very powerful thing.

 

[garnetflower13]

If she wants to be with you, then she will decide to do just that. But I agree with others here; opening a dialogue will help you both see what you bring to the relationship, and if your needs are being met.

 

[biblophile]

thank you, I shall take your advise.

 

[garnetflower13]

Let us know how it turns out, please!

 

[Judge]

I suspect many of us have similar feelings. "Why me?" That it makes no sense that someone should extend their affections to me...to the point where it troubles me. But in hindsight I can't help but wonder if such feelings can damage a relationship.

Perhaps that it's best to take it at face value when someone cares about you....for whatever reasons.

 

[angie78]

I have been with my girl friend for a long time, and I cannot help but think it is selfish for me to ask her to be with a person who is so much trouble all the time. someone who can barely look after himself. I love her, but I feel like I can never give her the life she deserves because I can not function in the world like others can.
she knows about my Asperger's, and she has been understanding and supportive. But what am I doing to her life? I feel a terrible guilt over this.

I am on the other side of your situation, I'm the NT and my partner says the same thing to me as you.

It hurts when he often tries to end things because he thinks he's putting me through things but he forgets that it's my choice to be with him and that sometimes people do hurt each other but that it doesn't have to mean it should end.

We will never find someone who won't hurt us we just have to find someone that's worth it. It also goes both ways, I'm sure I say things that hurt him too.

I often feel like the selfish one too when I see all that I do for him and get very little in return but I also know that he's doing his best and that's the important thing.

I often feel I am selfish for wanting my partner when being in a relationship is hard for him.
I can't imagine my life without him and I know he feels the same even though he doesn't show it (he told me, communication is the key).

Hope things work out xx

 

[Adora]

I truly understand this,I have similar feelings when it comes with my relationship with my husband who is NT,though when we first met I didn't know I was on the spectrum and didn't find out until 2 years ago I sometimes feel like a huge burden to him because not only does he has to deal with me but also my issues that are from trauma aswell,he is a very extroverted person and I've always been the introverted one where sometimes he had to remind me to say hello to people,but I feel bad because not only does he have me but I also am a carer of my older brother who is on the spectrum himself and he has both of us to deal with,I sometimes struggle to see things from his point of view but I am trying and he does get frustrated with me but I know he does care for me as I do him and he has showed me more kindness than anyone I known in my life.