Advice on Narcissistic Brother

[Joshua the Writer]

He believes the rapture is soon.

What rapture? The word "rapture" can mean several different things, especially if alongside the phrase, "is soon." Is this referencing one of his conspiracies?

I have no knowledge of Schizophrenia in the family. I did consider schizophrenia as a possibility here, though. It's just confusing because of the drug use. But he believes medication is mind-control and that people are influencing his emotions telepathically and that's why he's unhappy most of the time.

His delusions could also be a mixture of the two. Your brother is delusional. Make him take meds, even if you have to literally force it down his throat while he sleeps at night.

No, that's what I meant in the OP when I said it "escalated to something else." And the need for it to be addressed is my thought exactly. I came home late and was told about this and immediately went to my parents, turned off their movie, and demanded we talk about it.

I think they should talk to you about it, if he is bothering you about it. Your parents had the right idea.

In the past, he yelled, cursed, insulted, broke things, punched walls, threw things, and threatened violence, but never actually hit somebody.

Yeah, he's getting worse. Get him to a mental hospital if this gets worse at the first chance you get.

He was yelling at my mom about something completely trivial. My sister told him to stop yelling. He said to mind her own business and pushed her out of the room. They share the room, and she tried to enter again. He grabbed her to sorta push/carry her out, kind of like a bouncer? She pushed back, at which point he repeatedly hit her until her and our mom were able to get her away and she ran off crying and left the house.

Wow. He is rude. If she shares the room with your brother, she DOES have business to be done there.
I hope your sister is okay and didn't get injured; And if she has, I hope it's only minor.

He believes she initiated the violence, thus proving she isn't female, and I was giving a piano recital an hour after this and everyone decided he couldn't go. I received several texts from him saying that our family has turned against him and he's sorry but will not be coming to the recital. I got those texts before I found out what happened, so I just dismissed it as his usual craziness, not imagining that it was anything like this.

Actually, since he has blamed your sister on the violence the HE started, I suggest not ignoring any text of this nature that you have received from him.

It did start after he returned home. He failed to get into a traveling group he auditioned for in Chicago. Cognitive dissonance is not something I had considered here. I had always assumed it was triggered by his failure and return but not to the point of cognitive dissonance. Maybe it's an inability to accept the failure?

You can never know with the type of person your brother is, TBH. I have nothing to help with there. It seems likely, tho.

He is constantly explaining why various famous people are not actually any good and don't deserve to be successful. Around the same time, he became engulfed in the Illuminati conspiracy, which involves an explanation for fame as an aspect of the group. People sell their souls to the devil in order to be talented or successful and become part of the Illuminati and, subsequently, the media.

It seems like he is contradicting himself, which is a common thing for narcissists to do. He sees his eventual success as inevitable, but thinks he has to become a satanists in order to become successful? That makes no sense. Narcissists tend to say things that make absolutely zero sense

 

[Fino]

What rapture? The word "rapture" can mean several different things, especially if alongside the phrase, "is soon." Is this referencing one of his conspiracies?

He's referring to The Bible. Around the same time as the emergence of the conspiracies also emerged fundamentalist christianity.

 

[Nauti]

Have you considered that he, also, might be autistic?
And yes, it very much sounds like drug induced psychosis and emotional dysregulation.
He needs help. A good therapist. Compassion. The RIGHT diagnosis, not just armchair speculation.
He's a very unwell, out of control, hurting man, by the sounds of it, and desparately needs understanding, care, respect, and treatment.
You can't necessarily coerse anyone into doing anything, without harming them further though, so for you; self care, focus on boundaries, treating others as you would like to be treated, AND GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.

This is more than your family can, responsibly, deal with. If you can't support him into good therapy or treatment, get support to assist you to develop better boundaries, self care and independence from your family.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

He's referring to The Bible. Around the same time as the emergence of the conspiracies also emerged fundamentalist christianity.

Oh, so he is referring to the demonic invasions described in Revelations, since those events are referred to as such.

 

[Theta.G]

Thank you! That's a lot of new information for me that I haven't considered, especially the first part.

Is this "someone" that reacts to you talking about how bad drugs someone in your life or someone here? It sounds like something I would do LOL But I remember consciously resisting responding to that more than once, I think..

Hahaha i'm surprised you could sit through it and actually read it without lashing out. I'm sure most who are pro drug just roll their eyes and scroll along.
It's a powerful urge right? When someone is so attached to a thing, then when you talk less than favorable but accurately about it it's like you killed their dog in front of them. Immediate, highly emotional reactivity & volatility. Enemy for life, most cases. hahaha But do they ever stop & think. "Why do i feel this way?" "Why is their such a powerful reaction within me to those words?"
If you talk truths about the food an obese person regularly consumes.
about how deadly heroin is to the banger
as you explain to the cheater why they'll lose their spouse if it keeps up
It's all **** they're not ready to face so it gets pushed outwards, killing the messenger.
as the world turns.

Someone IRL lol

 

[Fino]

Have you considered that he, also, might be autistic?
And yes, it very much sounds like drug induced psychosis and emotional dysregulation.
He needs help. A good therapist. Compassion. The RIGHT diagnosis, not just armchair speculation.
He's a very unwell, out of control, hurting man, by the sounds of it, and desparately needs understanding, care, respect, and treatment.
You can't necessarily coerse anyone into doing anything, without harming them further though, so for you; self care, focus on boundaries, treating others as you would like to be treated, AND GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.

This is more than your family can, responsibly, deal with. If you can't support him into good therapy or treatment, get support to assist you to develop better boundaries, self care and independence from your family.

I remember he did something that briefly led me to consider he may be autistic, but I had forgotten about the possibility.

You're probably right about that last part. That's basically what I've always done, I was never one to interfere and have stayed out of these things my whole life. The fact that it escalated made me want to somehow get him into treatment, but you're right that I can't just magically force someone to do that.

Treatment is somewhat more complicated than usual in this case, I think. For one, a lot of his conspiracies involve the pharmaceutical industry and psychology in general, saying that psychology is witchcraft and has ties to Satan and things along those lines.

Second, my parents are Christian Scientists so they're reluctant to insist treatment is the best option anyway.

Everyone here is probably right that I should just do nothing and continue to stay out of it.

 

[Fino]

Hahaha i'm surprised you could sit through it and actually read it without lashing out. I'm sure most who are pro drug just roll their eyes and scroll along.
It's a powerful urge right? When someone is so attached to a thing, then when you talk less than favorable but accurately about it it's like you killed their dog in front of them. Immediate, highly emotional reactivity & volatility. Enemy for life, most cases. hahaha But do they ever stop & think. "Why do i feel this way?" "Why is their such a powerful reaction within me to those words?"
If you talk truths about the food an obese person regularly consumes.
about how deadly heroin is to the banger
as you explain to the cheater why they'll lose their spouse if it keeps up
It's all **** they're not ready to face so it gets pushed outwards, killing the messenger.
as the world turns.

Someone IRL lol

Ha! Maybe I've been desensitized by my family and their expression of views I disagree with! I didn't experience any negative emotions reading your post or any of your other posts on the topic! I don't mind that another human in the world is not me.

You said eight medications in your example. I take four!

I'm just glad it wasn't me!

 

[Theta.G]

This is why I have tried in the past to talk to him about either not smoking or smoking a different strain or one with less THC. He seemed receptive but hasn't made any change as far as I know. A psychiatrist wouldn't be able to diagnose or treat much if he's doing that, right?

And what you said about delusions is exactly why I have never focused on his conspiracy interests as the problem. Plenty of happy, normal people are interested in conspiracies. People can believe what they want to. It's when you're yelling about it every day and insulting people who don't immediately agree that there's a problem. So the specific subject of the yelling isn't really even relevant, although it certainly doesn't help, in the eyes of the majority.

A psychiatrist would treat and diagnose likely without batting an eye. If he was smoking weed. Or if he was drinking and lied about it. Hell, some would even give him drugs if he said he told them he was drinking. "Well, these ones won't kill you immediately or anything..."

"People can believe what they want to. It's when you're yelling about it every day and insulting people who don't immediately agree that there's a problem."

Is it really so bad that he moves out? Can he support himself?

 

[Fino]

A psychiatrist would treat and diagnose likely without batting an eye. If he was smoking weed. Or if he was drinking and lied about it. Hell, some would even give him drugs if he said he told them he was drinking. "Well, these ones won't kill you immediately or anything..."

"People can believe what they want to. It's when you're yelling about it every day and insulting people who don't immediately agree that there's a problem."

Is it really so bad that he moves out? Can he support himself?

No, it would be great if he moved out. Everyone was fine with his empty threat of moving out. Empty because no, he can't support himself. He can't hold a job. He hardly ever leaves the house and hardly ever leaves his room. I've been telling my parents that if they don't force change then he will live with them forever.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Did you read the whole thing? I'm not trying to imply you didn't, I'm just curious to know if that's your conclusion after reading every word or if you just got the gist of it.

The last word, one I had never heard, suddenly changed when I quoted you!

Yeah, the mods must have not liked it. Fine. It's British slang.

I admit I scanned it. I went back and read it this time. My point is that because we've been essentially "pathologised" it's quite easy for us to look up diagnosis criteria and then project that onto others because we know these things are quite common. However, none of us have to right to diagnose others, we'd hate it ourselves if we were on the receiving end, particular one that was inaccurate. I'm not trying to say this guy is not antisocial or even delusional, what I am saying is that these phrases are not particularly helpful outside a clinical setting in solving a problem.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, the mods must have not liked it. Fine. It's British slang.

I admit I scanned it. I went back and read it this time. My point is that because we've been essentially "pathologised" it's quite easy for us to look up diagnosis criteria and then project that onto others because we know these things are quite common. However, none of us have to right to diagnose others, we'd hate it ourselves if we were on the receiving end, particular one that was inaccurate. I'm not trying to say this guy is not antisocial or even delusional, what I am saying is that these phrases are not particularly helpful outside a clinical setting in solving a problem.

I agree with the sentiment, but this is about a family with a large amount of abuse and neglect, a high rate of mental illness, particularly personality disorders, and about an individual I've lived with for over twenty years, so I don't believe it's quite the phenomenon you're describing.

But I certainly don't blame you for suspecting given your limited information, so thank you for the perspective!

 

[TempeFan]

I had been saying for months that he is sick and in pain, needs help, just like you said, and is being ignored, and I described all his behavior as asking for help. I've always described my dad as invisible. He has no input, avoids all conflict, and rarely speaks. He's almost certainly autistic. All action falls to my mom. She has been defending him all along, saying that there's nothing wrong with him, "It's just..." or "he just..." She's a master of minimization. Every time I attempted suicide, she said I wasn't depressed and I'm not sick and there's nothing wrong with me, I was just tired.
I tried more forcibly to convince them that he needs help, that nothing will change except to get worse unless he sees a psychiatrist, psychologist or both. They both agreed for the first time and said they would talk to him. I said if they didn't soon, I would, but all the posts here are kind of making me reconsider.

There's your trouble! Growing up alone in Never Never Land, it's no wonder all 4 of you didn't turn into satan spawn from the dark side of the moon. Now that they have finally agreed to take their parenting responsibilities seriously for the first time - LET THEM DO IT! Do not single yourself out for target practice. Nothing ignites an angry mob faster than one person standing alone doing the right thing when everyone else is adament about maintaining the status quo.

It seems you've coined a new label "Minimalist Parenting." Child neglect is one of the worst forms of child abuse, not that there is a less worst form of abuse. It's also the most widely accepted because nobody can identify a single bad act in the pattern of abuse when "no action taken" IS the pattern of abuse. My situation is different than yours but I am all too familiar with Minimalist Parenting. Whatever past trauma(s) prevented them from developing parenting skills, still hasn't been addressed. Nothing will change until all family members are ready to face reality, understand themselves and help each other - the way you commited to your sobriety. Your parents are obviously overwhelmed and have been shut down for a very long time. Right now your folks love you all enough to welcome you into their home but if you take appropriate action that upsets their delicately balanced applecart full of denial and other avoidance tactics, you personally will be scapegoated as the black sheep and culled from the herd.

IMO, the best way to manage this situation might be the trickle down and form alliances method. Focus on helping your parents feel they have their family's love and support, so they can deal with the mess they have made and start ruling their roost in a harmonious way. Pick the more beloved parent and have it be about the rest of the family rallying around this someone they care about and depend upon who is going through a rough patch right now. Whatever condition or disorder your brother suffers from prevents him from seeing or fixing himself, but he might be amenable to taking credit for fixing another person's foibles.
This could get you all into much needed family counseling.