Adaptation!!

[GHA]

Adaptation — On Your Terms
For as long as I can remember, the advice given to neurodiverse people has sounded the same: you have to adapt. It comes from books, psychologists, motivational speakers — well-meaning, perhaps — but all reading from the same old playbook.
On paper, it sounds reasonable. In reality, I’ve seen up close how much harder it truly is. Adapting often means working against your natural way of thinking and processing, and that’s more than just “effort” — it can become a daily drain. It can mean constantly adjusting your words, your expressions, even the way you react to things, so they fit into what others expect or recognise as “acceptable.”
This is where exhaustion sets in. When adaptation becomes the main goal, it starts to swallow the very energy you could be using to do what you do best — to think, create, and solve in ways most people can’t. And in my experience, that’s where the brilliance of many neurodiverse minds is lost — not because the ability isn’t there, but because the cost of constant adaptation is too high.
Here’s what the years have taught me: the most sustainable adaptation comes from within. It starts when you truly know your own strengths — the things you can do better, deeper, or differently than the majority — and you make those your anchor. Once you are steady in that, adaptation stops being a constant battle and becomes a skill you can switch on when you choose.
When you know your worth and remain focused and determined, adaptation becomes a subset of who you are. You can use it whenever and wherever it’s useful, but it no longer defines you.
Masking all the time is too much to ask of anyone. Selective adaptation — on your terms — allows you to protect your energy, keep your sense of self, and still navigate situations where blending in serves a purpose. The rest of the time, you lead with your strengths.
I share this not as theory, but as someone who has watched the long-term cost of trying to adapt constantly, and the difference it makes when that adaptation comes from choice rather than pressure.

 

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I adapted very well as a young man. When I left school and started working, pretty much as soon as I turned 16 and was legally able to quit school regardless of my father's wishes, I entered an entirely different world that I'd never experienced before. People were nice to me and treated me with respect and I was learning highly developed skills that would see me in good stead for the rest of my life.

You bet I adapted. I also started learning social skills and that same year met my first serious girlfriend. For a while "how to socialise" was my special interest and I took it very seriously, standing in front of a big mirror and practising facial expressions and body language. I ended up with a large group of friends and I became a bit of a socialite. I still had my odd quirks but no one was bothered by that, instead it just made me stand out and be noticed.

I managed to carve out a fantastic life for myself as sort of an itinerant tradesman, I got to travel my country and see more of it than many manage and I earnt seriously good money while I was at it, which I promptly spent. I had a truly phat time.

Icarus Theorum - I flew too close to the sun for too long. I started burning out in my late 30s and in my early 40s I lost the plot completely and ran away in to the rain forests to live like a feral human. I was homeless for 12 years. I had a great time doing that too until I got too old for it.

It was only in the last few years that I started learning about autism and everything started to make sense to me. I have no regrets though, I've had a great life over all.