Actually Busy or Just Neglecting Me?

[mlrock]

Throughout my time in college, I had friends, or at least people that I thought were friends. However, I often felt neglected and often do to this day. I was almost invariably the one who always tried to initiate socialization, but I was lucky if people would respond to my texts, Facebook messages, and phone calls and say that they weren't busy and free to hang out. I must add that I went to a school with a very Type A and academically dedicated student body, and other, more socially apt students that I trusted enough to ask also found that the people there were "flakes." I don't know if it was my perceptions or if I was on to something, but I always felt that despite these tendencies of my schoolmates, I was more of a loner. I understand that my friends often have lives of their own, and can't always respond right away, but I felt like I was in effect, if not in intent, being neglected.

Similar concerns arise regarding my friends from outside of college, I will often notice that they are generally very inconsistent when responding to my messages. I recognize that some of them may truthfully be busy with personal, academic, or work-related concerns, but I am also unsure as to whether they are blowing me off. Can anyone offer some suggestions about how to tell if I am truly neglected or if the people I try to initiate social interactions with are actually busy and lose track of my efforts to reach out to them? If anyone who reads this post can relate, feel free to say so. Thanks!

 

[Ste11aeres]

Probably both. In other words, they are genuinely busy but if they really really liked you they'd try harder to squeeze you in. :unsure:
But I can't tell you for sure, because you're talking about people I've never met. Could depend on the person.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Nolan1971 posted this on a different thread Cats In The Cradle - Harry Chapin - YouTube

 

[mlrock]

I love that song! And if by some stroke of luck, the same people who claim to care, but do nothing for me, I'll throw the same line at them they did at me. Show them what it feels like.

 

[wyverary]

I must add that I went to a school with a very Type A and academically dedicated student body, and other, more socially apt students that I trusted enough to ask also found that the people there were "flakes."

I know well the type of school of which you speak, and I can say with some confidence that they probably were ignoring you. I have dealt with those kinds of people, and they are not worth wasting your time on.

 

[Christian T]

they are not worth wasting your time on.

I agree. A few years ago I noticed that the only times that I saw a "friend" of mine were when I initiated the social contact, and he, not very enthusiastically, agreed to perform this duty of friendship. When I called him and was hearing his mother hand him the phone I heard him say something along the lines of "oh yeah, it's the holidays, that's right," Well that's true, I mainly initiate contact during the holidays, but I thought that was when they were most likely to be free, and that doesn't mean that they can't contact me during the school term.

I tried an interesting experiment with him. I waited for him to organise the next social outing, since I figured it was his turn, and that after he had done that it would be my turn. That was two years ago. He still hasn't contacted me, and now that friendship is most definitely gone.