Good evening.
I was wondering if people can relate to this.
Do you either find yourself being more negative or are you accused of being more negative when you're in a stressful situation?
The reason I ask is because I notice since my daughter went off to college and I'm practically living with my boyfriend now, whom I suspect ( with good reason but he doesn't want to do the diagnosis thing) is on the spectrum, we get along quite well at his home. Sure, we have some conflict just like any couple would, and he does tend to have a somewhat cynical view of the world. But this is actually something I like about him because he has a really funny sense of humor and I happen to be cynical too. I see him as cynical but in a way I appreciate. It's not a drag, in other words.
I suspect this is true because we worked out some of our conflicts around his need for me to leave things in his home a certain way. He's particular about a certain number of things as you can imagine. We worked those things out fine, though he still can't grasp why sometimes I do things that are "illogical". Poor thing ended up with a girlfriend who happens to be very scatterbrained and disorganized. Aspergers hell in other words. Lol.
I'm also sure this is true because his home is a safe place he can let down his guard and be who he is and he doesn't have to put on airs or be fake.
He has a small group of friends with whom he hangs out on a pretty routine basis - for example, Tuesday night is tennis with one; Sunday nights are hanging out with another. Etc. he has a schedule, of course. Lol. When I'm with him and his friends I notice he feels quite relaxed. He obviously feels like he can be himself and is accepted.
But he tends to act totally different around my family, whom he doesn't know that well. I see him making negative comments- excessively and constantly. It stresses me out because I'm very close to my family and of course I want them to like him and vice versa. But their view of him is as someone negative. Some people in my family are happy that I have a boyfriend and overlook some of this while others just have a bad impression of him. The ironic thing about this whole dynamic is he comes across so much like my departed grandfather, Who was quirky but also very negative. I always found him to be endearing. Even my dad said that my boyfriend reminds him of his father
I always give my bc the choice and do not pressure him about meeting up with my family when I see them. He goes along about 50% of the time But, honestly, sometimes I consider not even inviting him.
At some point I'm going to ask him about this, without being accusatory or anything. I do care what my family thinks about him and I also am concerned about how much stress it may be causing him. I know he's really the one I need to ask, rather than being on a forum. But this always helps me when I get feedback here.
I told him in the past that if he starts to feel really stressed he can just give me the heads up and we can leave within the next 15 minutes He says "yeah sure". But I think that's a result of his marriage because I think he was dragged along to a lot of family functions. That's my hunch.
So, I kind of think I know the answer but I'm wondering about other people's experiences I am making the fair assumption that being in an uncomfortable social situation.
Has anyone experienced this when being put in an uncomfortable situation and is there any particular way you would like to be approached about it? Or should I just be compassionate and hope that over time he'll become more comfortable?
I was wondering if people can relate to this.
Do you either find yourself being more negative or are you accused of being more negative when you're in a stressful situation?
The reason I ask is because I notice since my daughter went off to college and I'm practically living with my boyfriend now, whom I suspect ( with good reason but he doesn't want to do the diagnosis thing) is on the spectrum, we get along quite well at his home. Sure, we have some conflict just like any couple would, and he does tend to have a somewhat cynical view of the world. But this is actually something I like about him because he has a really funny sense of humor and I happen to be cynical too. I see him as cynical but in a way I appreciate. It's not a drag, in other words.
I suspect this is true because we worked out some of our conflicts around his need for me to leave things in his home a certain way. He's particular about a certain number of things as you can imagine. We worked those things out fine, though he still can't grasp why sometimes I do things that are "illogical". Poor thing ended up with a girlfriend who happens to be very scatterbrained and disorganized. Aspergers hell in other words. Lol.
I'm also sure this is true because his home is a safe place he can let down his guard and be who he is and he doesn't have to put on airs or be fake.
He has a small group of friends with whom he hangs out on a pretty routine basis - for example, Tuesday night is tennis with one; Sunday nights are hanging out with another. Etc. he has a schedule, of course. Lol. When I'm with him and his friends I notice he feels quite relaxed. He obviously feels like he can be himself and is accepted.
But he tends to act totally different around my family, whom he doesn't know that well. I see him making negative comments- excessively and constantly. It stresses me out because I'm very close to my family and of course I want them to like him and vice versa. But their view of him is as someone negative. Some people in my family are happy that I have a boyfriend and overlook some of this while others just have a bad impression of him. The ironic thing about this whole dynamic is he comes across so much like my departed grandfather, Who was quirky but also very negative. I always found him to be endearing. Even my dad said that my boyfriend reminds him of his father
I always give my bc the choice and do not pressure him about meeting up with my family when I see them. He goes along about 50% of the time But, honestly, sometimes I consider not even inviting him.
At some point I'm going to ask him about this, without being accusatory or anything. I do care what my family thinks about him and I also am concerned about how much stress it may be causing him. I know he's really the one I need to ask, rather than being on a forum. But this always helps me when I get feedback here.
I told him in the past that if he starts to feel really stressed he can just give me the heads up and we can leave within the next 15 minutes He says "yeah sure". But I think that's a result of his marriage because I think he was dragged along to a lot of family functions. That's my hunch.
So, I kind of think I know the answer but I'm wondering about other people's experiences I am making the fair assumption that being in an uncomfortable social situation.
Has anyone experienced this when being put in an uncomfortable situation and is there any particular way you would like to be approached about it? Or should I just be compassionate and hope that over time he'll become more comfortable?
