ABA by proxy

[Ylva]

For my part, I was subjected to this minus the threat of physical violence.

Not written by me.

Therapy by Proxy | Neuro Typical? No Way!

Therapy by Proxy
If you’ve been following my posts for more than a few minutes you would know I received my diagnosis as Âûtistic formally in 2014 and self-diagnoses a year or two before that. And so I would like to preface this with the disclaimer that I do not pretend that my experiences that I present are of the same ilk as those of my tribe who have experienced ABA proper in all its horrors and fullness.

A few snippets….

Sitting at the dinner table having difficulty with particular foods, forced to eat them on pain of a hiding with the wooden spoon.

Arriving home from school after being chased by the local bullies and making it to the driveway, turn around and declare victory, only to met by a fuming mother who destroys the victory with an infliction of said wooden spoon.

Can’t sit still need to pace to move made to stay in room for hours on end.

Eating at the table jigging the leg, stop that jigging or go without, leave the table and go to your room

You will sit still or I will smack you. You will not run or I will get the wooden spoon. You will not speak or I will slap your face. If you want to read that book you will comply…

I feel as I have written this that it is a little pathetic and it pales into significance to the experiences of so many of my fellow Âûtistics that have experienced the full gamut of the Pavlov/Skinner/Lovaas inspired bullying of ABA therapy. I truly do not want to minimise that experience of anyone.

I think what i am attempting to articulate here is that I spent formative times in my childhood being forcibly encourage to stymie (pun intended) my natural autisticness and effectively passing as a neurotypical person. In a sense being what would be considered an ABA success story.

Yes I was able to for much of the time appear to be neurotypcial or indistinguishable from neurotypical – well to a point. There were always those times of being the weird one, being the one that missed the joke, being the one who said the inappropriate thing, the one that couldn’t keep any friends, the one who couldn’t hold the job, couldn’t get the girl, couldn’t get the words out. I think you get the idea.

Not only was it a thing that only kind of work there is a huge cost. A massive cost. These lessons were learned for me at a very young age wrought in fear and trembling. So many spankings, so many hours wasted away isolated in a small bedroom. By the time I was starting school I was an incredible anxious ball of nerves and anxiety.

The thing about schools is schoolyards are places where the experts at identifying the vulnerable abound. The ability for the bully to identify the one with victimhood written all over them is of the highest order, there is unmatchable prowess at work.

A few consequences for me personally was a belief that there was something very wrong with me, that something about me was very wrong, very strange and very much was not allowed to ever be seen in public. The flow on is that the period of school, university, in fact every public space was one of concentration to ensure that true character, traits etc were not displayed. That what I now know were stims were not brought out.

Of course it’s not hard to see what the outcome of this is. A school life that was not just one of being bullied and never understanding why, but one full of contradiction. The contradiction of somehow knowing you were intelligent but continually failing because you were never able to be mindfully present in the situation.

My employment history has been patchy at best. Many jobs, never at the potential of what I am actually capable of. Continuing to get fired or leave jobs due to not being able to understand the social politics of the water cooler conversation. Essentially failing in the social contract so bad that near meltdown events occur causing a firing or knowing it is that close to happening so the solution is to walk out before being thrown out.

A failed marriage entered into because you find a person that will have you, and it turns out that person is not a very nice person at all but is something of a cutout of the parents you grew up with. More years of not being able to reveal the self that you really are.

Again I don’t want to pretend this was of the same level of the horrible compliance training of ABA, but I do present it as something of an example of what sort of consequences we can expect. So imagine what consequences can occur for my fellow Âûtistics who endured this compliance therapy of ABA for hours upon hours a week.

Thankfully I am well and truly out of that. One thing I am noticing is that as I embrace my Âûtistic nature I seem to embrace also my Âûtistic traits anew. I am gradually becoming the Âûtistic I was meant to be. I am going to be the best Âûtistic I can be. I am #DifferentNotLess #ActuallyAutistic and #IDontNeedACure

For those that are interested in learning more about ABA, its working, history and impact there are others far more qualified than me who have written about it. I include some links below:

Here Amethyst Schaber speaks about it on Ask an Autistic. Be sure to read her description where she links to more info as well as some information on the PTSD links.

Here is a very good article Think Inclusive

UnstrangeMind blogs about it here

A former therapist Socially Anxious Advocate blogs about it.

There are many more quality sources out there and it doesn’t take much to find them. Please follow it up if you want to know more.

 

[Beverly]

My parents did not know I was on the spectrum but, still used the ABA method on me, basically the "Do as you're told or else." approach. I think that was the norm then, the consequences varied by family but, I think most kids of my generation and before were raised that way.

For me the consequences were harsh - being belted to the point it left marks, being swatted with a spatula that left blood blisters, denied meals etc... I hated it but, I learned not to make mistakes and, to act normal. I learned not to shy away from public speaking or giving oral reports in class. I learned how to be a leader because I was forced to lead a kid's group in church when I was 14.

As harsh as it is, and as much as it damages some people, I don't feel I was damaged by ABA style rearing from my parents. I'm not a wimp, I don't give in to every demand someone I see as an authority figure makes, I don't obey out of fear of denial or punishment. I don't tolerate abusive relationships. I don't even think I have to eat all of the food on my plate or, that I have to eat foods I don't like.

Sure as a kid I had to clean my plate, had to obey my parents, like it or not but, that changed the day I moved out of that house. From then on it was my home, my rules, my way. I know that some people are unable to make the jump form compliant child to assertive adult but, maybe that's what needs to be taught.

Today, I see parents (my own step children) that do not inflict any meaningful consequences on their children and I see 2-14 year old hooligans doing as the please, running rough shod over their parents and, never getting so much as grounded for it. That isn't right either.

There has to be a balance that teaches the child without damaging them and, that has to be tailored to each individual child. Some would be damaged by the way in which I was raised, other may need an even firmer hand.

 

[Ylva]

It's not so much "going from compliant to assertive" as it is PTSD, caused by actual psychological trauma. Not everyone gets it, but a significant percentage of people who get ABAed get it.

From what I have read, survivors of child abuse are less likely to have PTSD if they had an "emotional anchor" of some kind, or just one person who was reliable, growing up. Whereas children who are ABAed? Everyone is in on it – their parents, their teachers, everyone who has any kind of power over the child.

 

[Mia]

survivors of child abuse are less likely to have PTSD if they had an "emotional anchor"

Uncertain if that's quite true, you can have PTSD for your entire life and it might be a normal state that you are unaware of, I know I was. I had an 'emotional anchor' in childhood, or an 'enlightened witness' as Alice Miller refers to it, Alice Miller - Child Abuse and Mistreatment

Still had PTSD for quite a long time in my life, but it seemed a natural state to be in. Maybe it's more of the anxiety/stress state that accompanies ASD much of the time, that I've been ruled by in the past.

 

[NtNoWay]

Not written by me.

Therapy by Proxy | Neuro Typical? No Way!

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