A cultural question on courtesy for American people of color only, if possible

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I am physically disabled and I have caregivers who come into the house and care for me medically and also they clean the house for me. My ethnicity is Caucasian and Jewish.

I am writing because some of my caregivers have been African American women. I have noticed that these caregivers refer to me as Miss (my first name) whenever they speak to me. I assume it is cultural. I think that's very polite.

It reminds me of when I was a little girl, I grew up in a small town and I was taught to speak to the friends of my grandparents as Mr. or Mrs. this or that. Also, I lived for a time as a young adult in the deep South, and everyone was addressed by Mr. or Mrs. or Miss and then their first name. It was rude to pass by someone's porch without saying hello and addressing them by their name and title.

I am wondering if cultural politeness dictates that I should be returning the gesture. Instead of calling them by their first names, should I be saying Miss (Their first name) to them as well? Am I overthinking this?

Am I being rude by calling them by their first names without a title? Socially, as an autistic person, I am very shy and somewhat awkward and unsure of how to communicate with others. Knowing what to say can be extremely difficult as I go nonverbal on nearly a daily basis, for at least a short time. I would like to show these women that I appreciate all that they do to help me.

I think of my caregivers as beloved friends, and I want them to feel like my home is theirs, and that they are deeply respected and honored.

 

[thejuice]

I think it's professional courtesy

 

[Masked Man]

I don't think it's necessarily an African American thing. I have a coworker who is 50s white American and she sometimes refers to other women as "Miss first name." I've always assumed it's like a formal informal greeting. I don't know how to explain it.

 

[Rodafina]

I am wondering if cultural politeness dictates that I should be returning the gesture. Instead of calling them by their first names, should I be saying Miss (Their first name) to them as well?

You could ask them. That seems respectful to me.

 

[Outdated]

I was at a pub up north one day when a tourist started asking me about Aboriginal culture. There was an obviously full blood Aboriginal woman sitting at the same table with us but this old lady tourist couldn't even look her in the eye and had to start asking me instead, while poor Rose sat there getting darker and darker in the face.

I wasn't very kind to the old lady. I have no respect or tolerance for racism.

 

[Aspychata]

I will refer to someone as miss on a rare occasion. I do my best to be polite daily and acknowledge the cashier, or bank teller, waitress.

 

[Mary Terry]

I'm a white Southerner and virtually everyone in the South calls others "Miss" and "Mr." as a term of respect or endearment. I rarely hear "Mrs." - everyone just says "Miss" or "Miz". It's not a Black thing. It's a southern thing. We also frequently use "Mam" and "Sir" like "no, Mam" or "yes, Sir".

"Mam" is pronounced to rhyme with ham. I've read that also is the proper pronunciation of "mam" when addressing British royalty.

@Yeshuasdaughter - If I were you and if it feels comfortable to you, I'd call them "Miss (their first name) as a term of endearment since you like them.

 

[Judge]

It's a Southern term of politeness I grew up with in Virginia. Probably only something you hear from older folks these days. Regardless of race or ethnicity.

Sic Semper Tyrannis....

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

From what I’ve heard, calling a person Mr/Mrs/Miss [first name] is just something considered polite in the South. I knew a white kid from South Carolina who addressed people this way. I just figured it was a Southern thing.

 

[RemyZee]

I'm from the south and we do call everyone mam, miss and sir. Some people from other states think it is a comment on their age, but, as it was said, it's actually a term of endearment. If you say it in a southern drawl it is even better. Here they say "yes mam" to put emphasis on something you have said: "I like caramels." Correct Response: "yes MAM."