48 years old, and now I find out

[Mia]

Welcome Nervous Rex,

 

[Nervous Rex]

I never thought I was a perfectionist, because I felt I had nothing to be a perfectionist about; no talents etc and then, I was put into a situation, that I could not run away from and bingo, it hit me that I am a perfectionist, because it has to be spot on and if I cannot get it to be spot on, I rather not even try, that to deal with the crushing defeat.

You probably have more talent than you realize, but can't see it if you're not perfect at it. If it helps, you should know that other people don't even see all the flaws you do. They just see "good enough to be accepted.". You won't ever be perfect, but you are good enough to be accepted.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Welcome, @Nervous Rex! Glad you're here. I can totally relate to your experience and can tell you that it will get easier. I had my Aspie aha moment nearly two years ago at age 51 and got fired from my last job soon afterward because I made the mistake of telling him because I thought we we good friends. Oh, well. I soon found a better job and met a wonderful Aspie woman, who I'm now married to. Life got much less confusing after I was able to process "the big change" and adapt to what was supposed to have been my reality all along.

 

[Judge]

I stumbled onto it all in my mid-fifties. And yeah, it has a learning curve to it all. Not a linear process. Took awhile before I finally left all my doubts and denial behind me.

But then most folks who come here simply go on to confirm what their gut- and logic already told them.

Welcome to AC, Rex.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome
Yeah, its a bit like "Well to be honest, you are not actually an earthling...."
Hang in there. You'll get used to it & a lot more will start to make sense.

 

[Kwickyfeet Icypaws]

Hi Rex, and welcome.

My reaction to (the possibility of) ASD is quite different than yours. I haven't been diagnosed, so I may instead have an anxiety disorder with a couple bonus quirks that looks a lot like ASD. I'll have to let the experts figure that.

The idea of a diagnosis would explain a lot of difficulties across my life tho. I'm also sure there are tons of people out there smarter than me who've developed some strategies for dealing with it. I'll take that help gladly.

So a diagnosis won't change who I am, but can give me some clues on the map of life.

 

[Desiree W]

Hello Nervous Rex, WELCOME.

I can relate to where you're coming from in the sense that I found out about being on the spectrum at age 45. I'm self-diagnosed due to taking online assessments and personal research, since I can't afford health insurance to be officially diagnosed. I was relieved ,yet somewhat sad. I now know why I had/have such odd behaviors. It definitely takes some getting used to. It'll all work out.

 

[isthisreallife]

Hi! dx'd at 34 just this past June. This place is a wealth of knowledge and friendly people, as you've probably already found out.

 

[watersprite]

Welcome @Nervous Rex.
That's a punny user name.

 

[WereBear]

The fatigue is part of it, too?! I am always tired and always thinking I could get more done if I wasn't so tired and unfocused.

I have a lot to learn.

I was not aware that the NTs were responding via reflex, while I was thinking out social responses. It is going on under my radar and I am not aware it is wearing me out.

Likewise, I take in a lot more sensory information than the average NT and this makes my brain work harder. And it is tiring.

I figure many people engage only minimally and thus do not use up their brain chemicals at the rate I do.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Thank you all for your welcoming comments. Here's where I'm at today:

I spent the day moping around. Greet the barber with the usual, "Hi, how you doing?" and I think "and I have autism." At the store, "Did you find everything you needed, sir?" Me: "Yes, thanks", and in my mind, "and I have autism." At a church Christmas party tonight, "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks!" and in my mind, "I'm lying. I have autism." I kinda feel like I wasted the day.

But, I know that I'm the same person I was before talking to a counselor. So, all the advantages of my different brain are still there. And the disadvantages haven't changed, but now maybe I can get more help in dealing with them.

I tell myself all that in my "logical brain". The emotional part still has to catch up (I call it my "lizard brain" because I can't ever seem to teach it anything). This is a constant frustration for me - I feel emotions so slowly. Something may anger my wife and I, but she'll vent for a bit and get over it. It'll take me a day or two to get mad, and then another couple days to get over it. So, logically, I know I'll get there. I know I'll feel calm and accepting in a few days, and ready to take a pragmatic inventory of myself and see what I want help with first. I just have to wait for my emotions to catch up. Blerg.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I think they know far less about High Functioning than they do about Low Functioning, for one thing.

That's probably because a lot of High Functioning ones are underground. I know I've spent 30 years carefully observing 'normal' people and acting like them.

 

[Squished Crab]

I just received a diagnosis last month, at 41.
You are not alone! Welcome!

 

[Nervous Rex]

I figured my original say-hello thread would be a good place to post this update.

Today I got an official diagnosis of High Functioning Autism. It's a final confirmation that everything going on in my head ... isn't just in my head. Part of me wants to celebrate and parts says, "This confirms it - now it's time to really get to work."

I also want to thank this forum. You are all wonderful. I have gotten so much from reading about your own personal experiences, seeing what we have in common and what's different, hearing how you deal with things you can and avoid things you can't. Inspirational, uplifting, comforting, educational - I really can't express how much I like this site and its members, collectively and individually.

I'm not saying good-bye. I just thought this would be a good point to acknowledge and thank you for being with me through all this.

 

[LucyPurrs]

We'll be here for you Rex. Congrats on finally getting your diagnosis. The journey begins? or continues?