4 Hour Melt-Down/Crying Fit

[NicoleAscot]

Today has been very hard on me. I just finished crying for over 4 hours. And when I say crying, I was home alone, curled up on the couch crying so hard I almost couldn't breathe.

I've shared on here before that one of my intense interests/stress relieving hobbies is collecting tiny items from my state and surrounding states. You can see some of them in the pictures below.

Yesterday, after weeks of looking, I bought some small shelves at a thrift store to repaint (later project) and put some of my treasures on.

This morning I put my most cherished treasures on one of the shelves. These were MICRO-sized ceramic tea sets (some are smaller than a penny).

My favorite tea-set I placed on this shelf was purchased as gift to me from my best friend/soulmate as a surprise 2 months ago when we were out of town exploring.

It was my very first full micro-tea set.

It was made in Japan in 1939 during World War II. Very rare.

An hour after I put my tea-set on the shelf, I was sitting on the couch a few feet away, on the phone making an appointment with my long-time therapist because lately I've been struggling emotionally.

The shelf fell... and every single piece, including a couple other MINI-sets were COMPLETELY destroyed. Not one piece survived!!

I couldn't even finish my phone call. I hung up and just fell apart. I know it's just material possessions, but these make me happy and on my worst of days, when life is overwhelming, I rearrange them and they calm me down.

My treasures could make a TERRIBLE day turn PERFECT within moments, and now... now I'm so depressed. I don't know how to cope with this. I'm utterly devastated. These were my only truely loved possessions, and they provided a lot of mental stability for me.

I'm so lost. I'm at a Doctors office right now, typing this, about to fall apart in front of all these strangers!

 

[Judge]

Heartbreaking. So sorry this happened to you.

 

[NicoleAscot]

Heartbreaking. So sorry this happened to you.

Thanks. I'm trying to figure out what to do.

I know the crying will stop eventually, but I know that this will stick with me for the rest of my life. I don't know why, and I can't explain it, but there are so many things, little things, that effect me more than they would most people, and I feel like I get post traumatic stress or something because it'll affect me forever.

And I also don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm having a horrible day, and my treasures are gone. I can't just sit around and cry all the time.

 

[Judge]

Thanks. I'm trying to figure out what to do.

I know the crying will stop eventually, but I know that this will stick with me for the rest of my life. I don't know why, and I can't explain it, but there are so many things, little things, that effect me more than they would most people, and I feel like I get post traumatic stress or something because it'll affect me forever.

And I also don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm having a horrible day, and my treasures are gone. I can't just sit around and cry all the time.

Truly, you aren't alone in this. I've had similar things happen to me, and I still carry them around in my heart and mind, even in my 60s. For whatever reason, yes they "stick" with us sometimes, even when it is unhealthy to linger on them.

Perhaps in my case just another manifestation of intrusive thoughts my OCD presents regularly.

 

[NicoleAscot]

Truly, you aren't alone in this. I've had similar things happen to me, and I still carry them around in my heart and mind, even in my 60s. For whatever reason, yes they "stick" with us sometimes, even when it is unhealthy to linger on them.

Wow. So I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing.

I hope this is not too personal, but I'm 29 years old, and I was repeatedly, and violently, sexually violated by 11 men, several times each week, from the age of 6 1/2 until I moved away at age 10.

As you can guess, that left an imprint on me that I struggle with even today. The simplest example: even with medication and years of therapy, I still cannot be alone in a room with a man. Not one doctor, not one family member, not a stranger, my boss at work, no one. Trust me, the door closes and I freak out.

My point is, obviously that affects me, but there are also things in my life, that were nothing compared to that, and they affect me just as equally. Simple statements made from people in anger, something breaking, someone lying about something simple.

I'm wondering if it is an ASPIE thing for all these little things to affect me for the rest of my life. And how have you covered with the things that it happened to you? Have you ever figured out a way to make them less detrimental and not on your mind as much?

 

[Suzanne]

I have tears in my eyes as I read and a silent: NOOOOOOO! My heart is breaking for you

No WONDER you had a long meltdown. I would be just the same and feel almost like doing that now, for you.

I wish with all my very being, that I could blow down magic and make them all fall back to as they were before!

 

[Suzanne]

Wow. So I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing.

I hope this is not too personal, but I'm 29 years old, and I was repeatedly, and violently, sexually violated by 11 men, several times each week, from the age of 6 1/2 until I moved away at age 10.

As you can guess, that left an imprint on me that I struggle with even today. The simplest example: even with medication and years of therapy, I still cannot be alone in a room with a man. Not one doctor, not one family member, not a stranger, my boss at work, no one. Trust me, the door closes and I freak out.

My point is, obviously that affects me, but there are also things in my life, that were nothing compared to that, and they affect me just as equally. Simple statements made from people in anger, something breaking, someone lying about something simple.

I'm wondering if it is an ASPIE thing for all these little things to affect me for the rest of my life. And how have you covered with the things that it happened to you? Have you ever figured out a way to make them less detrimental and not on your mind as much?

I get you soooo much. I won't take your "thunder" away, but just know that I get you with the sexual bit and things that are dear to me, when lost, stay with me for a long time and I wish I could have them back.

 

[NicoleAscot]

I have tears in my eyes as I read and a silent: NOOOOOOO! My heart is breaking for you

No WONDER you had a long meltdown. I would be just the same and feel almost like doing that now, for you.

I wish with all my very being, that I could blow down magic and make them all fall back to as they were before!

Thank you. I wish you had that magic too. I would give anything to borrow it for just a moment.

 

[Judge]

I'm wondering if it is an ASPIE thing for all these little things to affect me for the rest of my life. And how have you covered with the things that it happened to you? Have you ever figured out a way to make them less detrimental and not on your mind as much?

It's a good question. For what it's worth, I'm glad you posted it.

No, I've never really found a way to block out such thoughts, even when they can be 50 year old memories. Luckily in my case it's usually a "trigger" that makes me reflect on such things. It's not a random process for me. But then it's not like I can say, "Just avoid the triggers" either. I suppose my most educated guess would be that it's more akin to comorbid conditions like OCD and PTSD.

Lately though I've been very angry with myself for allowing stupid, intrusive and destructive thoughts to so easily come into my mind. But I'm kind of at a low ebb right now, hoping things get better in the near future.

 

[Ambi]

This is so terrible - how on earth could that have happened? That sounds like some kind of freak accident! I get very agitated by things like that - thankfully I haven't had something like that happen in a long time. But I have collected loads of things, including lots of lovely, lovely little vases and frames and plates that all have their special place, and I hope they don't fall for some reason. I do not think you are overreacting - I think as aspies we can attach much more emotional importance and attachment on objects and especially our collections, the way that others might with people - so it is rough. I mean, even an NT would be very upset by something like this, but I think for us it is even worse. I am sure many people have all kinds of stories like this that will let you know you are not alone - I know people who have had terrible things like home fires that took everything they owned, so you are definitely not alone in losing precious things. I am so sorry, and I am glad you are able to share here with people who will understand. I am glad you have some photos to remember the things by - maybe even posting more information about each set and how you got it, what you loved about it, etc will allow you to create an electronic collection that you can share with us so that we can appreciate your beloved collection as well. I hope you are able to gather together a new, lovely collection, even though what you've lost can't be replaced.

 

[Ambi]

I know this can't possibly replace the experiences you had of collecting them - but there is the wee possibility that you might be able to find those sets or very similar to them on Etsy. I went through a phase where I bought so many little antiques like that on Etsy - not tea sets, but little vases and decorative plates, I just adore them.

 

[oregano]

I think that a lot of aspies tend to "connect" more with objects due to them having positive memories for us. Recently I lost my old letter opener. It was just a plain metal thing, but it was one of the first things I bought out of necessity when I first moved out on my own at 18 that I still had, and it had a wonderful story behind it (that I won't bore you with since this is your thread). I tore my place apart looking for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I didn't melt down but I was quite sad for a while.

Even though I have gotten rid of most of my stuff, there is still stuff that I would be devastated to lose. In February when that dam in California almost collapsed I was on notice to be ready to evacuate, since I live downstream, although not immediately downstream. I had to decide what to take and what to leave. I was thinking of all the things that I would have to abandon that had meaning for me. It was awful.

 

[xudo]

It's a good question. For what it's worth, I'm glad you posted it.

No, I've never really found a way to block out such thoughts, even when they can 50 year old memories. Luckily in my case it's usually a "trigger" that makes me reflect on such things. It's not a random process for me. But then it's not like I can say, "Just avoid the triggers" either. I suppose my most educated guess would be that it's more akin to comorbid conditions like OCD and PTSD.

Lately though I've been very angry with myself for allowing stupid, intrusive and destructive thoughts to so easily come into my mind. But I'm kind of at a low ebb right now, hoping things get better in the near future.

I found that mindfulness helped with the intrusive thoughts to a point. I used to have this way of helping to get them out of my head, where I would basically picture myself physically punching the thought out of my mind and off a ledge into the abyss. Turns out, that's a mindfulness exercise. When I had CBT for OCD last year, they had us do some exercises - things like imagining you were sat by a stream and if a thought came into your mind, you imagined it a leaf floating on past in the stream and away. Or you imagine you sat in a room with a door at either end. If a thought came in to your mind, you let it come in through one door, and then you swept it out of the other door. That is the one I use at the moment, as the punching one stopped being so effective for me. I find that usually one of these will actually remove the thought and prevent me thinking about it (at least if only for a while).

 

[NicoleAscot]

It's a good question. For what it's worth, I'm glad you posted it.

No, I've never really found a way to block out such thoughts, even when they can 50 year old memories. Luckily in my case it's usually a "trigger" that makes me reflect on such things. It's not a random process for me. But then it's not like I can say, "Just avoid the triggers" either. I suppose my most educated guess would be that it's more akin to comorbid conditions like OCD and PTSD.

Lately though I've been very angry with myself for allowing stupid, intrusive and destructive thoughts to so easily come into my mind. But I'm kind of at a low ebb right now, hoping things get better in the near future.

Thank you. I was kind of curious if one of those two things could also be why contributes to trigger emotions like that. I also have triggers but it's also quite random as well.
And I have also been very negative lately. There may also be why it took me four hours to get off the couch after this, because the last six weeks have been extremely emotional for me. To the point I've almost checked myself into a psychiatric unit to keep myself safe from ... well... safe from myself.
Really bad relationship stuff, physical health problems, and all manner of problems. Of course, my treasures being unruly destroyed really would've destroyed me regardless.

 

[oregano]

Nicole, if you really want to hurt yourself go call the suicide hotline, or go ahead and check yourself into the hospital. You've said that you tried to kill yourself previously and that you suffered organ damage from the attempt, so you need to stop yourself from trying again. The thing that mainly prevents me from killing myself is the idea that I might fail and instead wind up totally helpless, drooling in a wheelchair in some awful care home, tended to by minimum wage workers who don't care.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I'm so sorry to hear this Nicole, I hope you are looking after yourself and I hope there are people in your life who can help. Losing something you love is devastating, no matter if it is a person or a possession, so I understand how you feel. Hopefully things will get better for you soon and I hope you are taking the steps toward getting yourself some help and feeling better.
The people on this site are always here for you if you need support or just need to vent.

 

[Mike Stouffer]

Some days it feels like they are never going to end. I'm sorry to read about your sadness. It's hard to believe things will get better while in the middle of a tough time. Stay strong and know it's alright to have bad days, they will get better. You sound like a nice person who really cares about things. Remember rainbows only come out after the storms.

 

[Adora]

I'm very sorry, I can imagine how devastated you are,as someone who also likes to collect things (dolls in my case) I would probably reacted the same way if my dolls were to be destroyed somehow,I probably be crying for hours too,I wish I could make you feel better but maybe in the future you may find something else you been wanting to add to your collection but I do know how it feels to lose some things precious to you,when I was a teenager my family got evicted and my dad put most of our stuff into storage including my barbie doll collection,my dad didn't pay storage so they ended up auctioning all my dolls and I was crying for days on end,I eventually started to rebuild my collection but i am extremely attached to them and know the pain of losing them in the past.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I'm really sorry this happened to you Nicole. I would most definitely feel the same way, especially with the fact that I am extremely emotional; as a child I even cried when my mother moved my model construction site from the edge of the bed to the floor. Let us know if you need anything, and take all the time you need to grieve this loss - and remember that you will always have the greatest memories of your collection right there in your mind and in your heart, so it's never truly gone.

 

[Suzanne]

Thank you. I wish you had that magic too. I would give anything to borrow it for just a moment.

I know. I related what happened to my husband, with tears streaming down my face, but why I do, is beyond me, for he just doesn't get it.