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26 NT and 36 AS- mixed messages.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by p3rverseimp, Mar 8, 2018.

  1. p3rverseimp

    p3rverseimp New Member

    Mar 8, 2018
    Hi guys,
    I’ll try my best to keep this as short as possible. In August, I started dating an aspie guy who I really liked (let’s call him Joe). He was very forthright with his feelings for me; however, he has issues with drink. I told him I didn’t know whether I could handle that because I have my own issues with anxiety and depression. He told I should date other people and I shouldn’t restrict myself to him because he has issues he needs to work through. So I began dating someone else, however myself and Joe kept on seeing one another and sleeping together and both admitted our relationship wasn’t totally platonic. I was quite open with Joe about things with the other guy because I wanted to keep everything as honest between us as possible.

    Fast forward to January. I ended up telling Joe how I had strong feelings for him and I was confused by our relationship. He lost his temper with me and said I broke his heart when I started dating other people and though he still liked me he wouldn’t go down the romantic road with me again because it took a lot to get over me. I was confused because he’d been on dates with other people himself (although admittedly they were one offs) and he never told me how badly it was affecting him. He said he preferred us as friends but still liked me. I said I didn’t think I could have a friendship with him immediately, so told him not to contact me for a while. Then about 3 weeks ago he got back in touch with me, acting all casual like we’re old chums. We met up and he told me about a date he’d had. But then he ended up kissing me when he was drunk and telling me the same stuff as before- how he has feelings for me and doesn’t want to be a negative influence in my life, and how gutted he was when we stopped speaking. I know I’m dumb for meeting up with him.

    This is extremely confusing for me. When he’s sober he seems almost disinterested in me romantically but sometimes I’ll notice things that say otherwise. Then when he’s drunk he’s very intense with me and it really messes with my head. He’s barely spoken to me since I last saw him which was 2, almost 3 weeks ago. If he does it’s just general chatter about people we know and he never brings up the more serious things we’ve spoken about. It’s making it very hard for me to move on. I deleted his number but he still has mine so can contact me and seems to think a friendship is no problem.

    Can anyone shed some light on this? He suffers badly from anxiety because of AS and part of me thinks what he says when he’s drunk is what he really thinks. Then the other half tells me I’m being played. I do know I’m not totally innocent in all of this though and could have handled a lot of stuff better. Either way, I know it won’t lead anywhere positive, but it still plays on my mind. Thoughts would be much appreciated.
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2018
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  2. Ragnahawk

    Ragnahawk Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Oct 24, 2017
    If he is not a,bad sort it wouldn't make sense to treat him like one. Maybe just act on what you feel certain of. If you don't know what you will just have to coax the answers out with words. This may just be an answer you already have.
  3. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Jan 3, 2017
    I think the problem is not that he’s on the spectrum, but that he likes the drink too much. Decide if you want to deal with that, and if not, move on.
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  4. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

    Jan 31, 2017
    Listen to your own thoughts. As above.
    • Agree Agree x 1
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  5. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

    May 22, 2017
    I had similiar experience once with a bf.
    Sounds like a Soap Opera here:
    He always proclaimed love to me, but, we were more
    like friends IMO. He told me from the start he liked me
    as a friend because I wasn't so "girlie" as he called it.
    He could be himself around me more like he would with the "guys."

    We weren't totally platonic either during our relationship.
    Then in about a year, I found he was
    involved romantically with another woman but didn't want me to know.
    I caught them together at his house one night when I stopped to visit and he didn't ask me in but rather he said let's stay outside as it is a beautiful night.

    He had a room mate who was dating a girl
    I knew. The man came home while I was outside with my bf , then suddenly he came running out the back door cursing and took off.
    I ask my guy what was going on? Who was he cursing at? Thought you were alone tonight.
    "Oh, I don't know." was the answer.
    Then I saw a figure through the window followed by someone else going out the back door.
    Now I saw who the room mate was cursing.
    The girl I knew. She was dating the room mate and
    got caught in my bf's bedroom by both of us that night.

    I got angry also and left.
    Next day bf calls and really tells it to me.
    Day later he says she meant nothing to him and wanted
    us to be together again. Called her a Ding-a-ling.
    I ask about the nasty phone call.
    He said he was on drugs and didn't mean it.
    I told him the drugs just loosened his tongue to say what he really did mean.
    Sorry, but nothing positive from that. The End.

    I would agree when he's drunk he is probably speaking more the truth.
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