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10 "Rude" Things Autistic People Do (And What They Really Mean)

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Hollow Horse, Jul 15, 2020.

  1. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    Some or most of these probably apply to a lot of autistics.

    But certainly not all, and not across the board.

    If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person.
     
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  2. Pieplup

    Pieplup The Penguin

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    I don't like it seems liek the author his opinions about what he does and Rattling on like ALL autistic people do this for those reasons.
     
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  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    For sure, autistic people may well do these things at some point, to varying degrees. I don't always hear/take in what people tell me, including things like instructions. I can also be very long-winded and talk too much about something, at other times I don't talk at all. My concern is that, even though the author does take care to point out that these are examples of behaviour that might occur, the article may serve to reinforce stereotypes - and that anyone reading it might assume that all autistic people will behave like that, when in reality, each person is different, with their own individual 'coctail' of traits.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2020
  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I don't really know exactly what it means that you advise me to go read something, why do I need to read something, but I assume you're reacting negatively, in which case you've confused your intentions. Your OP states, "What do you think?" Perhaps you meant to qualify it by explaining you only wanted complimentary replies?
     
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  5. Noaen

    Noaen Active Member

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    Honestly, I dislike the article, it is alot of generalizations. I will highlight some examples below:

    "We Don’t Listen." -
    It frames this as issue of over stimulation, that we are too busy to react to their message. When in the case of myself, and many people I know on the spectrum (Anecdotal evidence, I am aware), it is rather an issue, of needing time to come up with a proper response, dwell on the question. I think the generalization hurts alot of people who might be able to focus, but just need time to answer the question.

    "We Seem Distrustful" -
    It seems to phrase is, as that because we always what to know what the plan is, that this means we are distrustful of people. I don't think certainity of any plan has to do with trust, not sure how the example used is related to the concept or being distrustful. For even if we are told a certain plan, its a hardly a judgment if the person is going to full though on this place.

    ''We Laugh at Inappropriate Moments'' - Going to give this one a pass mostly, however I would highlight, even if you find somthing funny, it doesn't mean you should verbalize it, for the sake of others. In the example he used, I'd say having empathy for the person who suffered is more important, that expressing ourselfs.

    I think a few more, try to justify behaviours that are honestly rude and disrespectful of people. I understand how hard is not to interrupt people, its a problem I have to face myself. But thats on myself to be able to learn how to read the flow of a conversation, not on them.

    Perhaps, I am being too strong here, but I think generalizations and excuses are often being used here. Rather than finding a middle-ground that respects the challenges of autism, yet also respects the right of others, to be treated in a empathetic and respectful fashion. And, I don't see the middleground in this article.

    Noaen.
     
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  6. Pieplup

    Pieplup The Penguin

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    I agree with this one.
    I am the same way. This is why I think he's talking aobut hsi experiences and signing them off as all autistic people.
    I laugh when I feel pain sometimes.

    I think he meant more asking questions that make people uncomfortable. and not respecting personal boundaries. But you can learn to do this and I think that while they should be understanding its not an excuse and
    I disagree with this one too.
    I think it's because autistic people tend to correct people regardless of other people's feelings about it.
    I have that problem too.
    Idk what this means. Only thing Ican think of is getting distracted by other things.

    Not really applicable to me either.

    Honestly agree if I think a rule is stupid I have problems following it.
     
  7. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    I forgot that I laugh at scary scenes in horror movies. And also at pain. I remember when I broke my little toe, I was laughing at how something that small could cause so much pain.

    In that case 4 and 7 would go together. Being too straightforward.
     
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  8. tkcartoonist

    tkcartoonist Tunes and Toons

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    In regard to the one that said "we seem distrustful", oftentimes the opposite of that is true. Many aspies can be entirely too trusting of other people. I was one of those, until I got burned one too many times, whether it was a Mental Health clinic that avoided the question of the cost even after I point blank asked the billing department and then six months later getting stuck with an outrageous bill in the thousands, or someone ripping me off hundreds of dollars because I trusted them in regard to a train ticket. Now I'm in the distrustful camp, but only after having things like that happen.
     
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  9. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    I've witnessed people doing these things. As in, people who are not on the spectrum and occasionally with the intent to be just that: rude. And yes, sometimes the intent wasn't to be rude in the first place. I guess it could be chalked up to being human in the first place.

    If I scratch my butt for example, it's because there's an itch that needs taken care of plain and simple so "rude" will have to trump "discomforting" for a few seconds, but good luck trying to justify that to a stranger who takes notice.
     
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  10. Pieplup

    Pieplup The Penguin

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    Yeah I think that's a autism thing. as for the 4 and 7 thing you probably are right. I personally think the article is nonsense cause he's trying to act like his experiences are all autistic people's experiences[/COLOR]
     
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  11. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    I agree. I think the author is probably being subjective. Probably either speaking for himself or someone he knows.
     
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  12. Hollow Horse

    Hollow Horse Well-Known Member

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    Not at all but thank you for telling me exactly what I meant.

    "childish and silly" - like, really?

    So I will say it again. If you don't like the article, run along and read something else.

    That does not mean that I only look for positive replies to the article, that is just your interpretation and I'll thank you not to consider it as Gospel.
     
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  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    You're incoherent.
     
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  14. Hollow Horse

    Hollow Horse Well-Known Member

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    You're probably a troll so... you're BLOCKED.
     
  15. Pieplup

    Pieplup The Penguin

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    You appreciate people generallizing their experiences as being all autistic peoples experiences. well then since I think the article is stupid and harmful clearly everyone does LOL
     
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  16. Hollow Horse

    Hollow Horse Well-Known Member

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    I've said no such thing.

    Go and learn to read. :D

    Another one blocked.
     
  17. BenderRodriguez

    BenderRodriguez Well-Known Member

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    There's some projection there for sure.

    As for me:

    1. We Don’t Listen: Mostly no. If I accept having a conversation I will pay attention, otherwise, I just tell the other person I cannot concentrate at the moment. In extreme situations of stress or shutdown, I sometimes don't understand what's being said, despite hearing it.

    2. We Seem Distrustful: Yes, but not exactly in the context he mentioned (btw, I understand lack of trust can be upsetting, but how is it rude?). I make plans, stick to them and expect others to do the same.

    3. We Laugh at Inappropriate Moments: Sometimes, yes, but so do many others. I do my best to be careful and not come across as making fun of somebody else's distress.

    4. We Space Invade: Never, my personal space is sacred and I extend the same courtesy to others. From people's reactions, I would say that it seems common for people on the spectrum to be on the extreme in regards to personal space, one way or the other.

    5. We Cancel Plans at the Last Minute: Never, I despise this behaviour in others and it would take extreme circumstances for me to do it.

    6. We Seem Condescending: Yeah, probably. I can be a bit formal sometimes and my love for precision has been seen as nitpicking or "semantics" on occasion. And as a non-native English speaker, I can come across as pretentious to some.

    7. We’re Too Honest For Our Own Good: Yeah, this one too. I'm blunt but I've learned to be a bit more diplomatic or evasive with people I'm not close to. Those close to me know where I'm coming from and I try to choose my words carefully so they won't be hurtful.

    8. We Leave Conversations Abruptly: Not really, but I become monosyllabic if somebody is bombarding me with questions, particularly personal ones. I've trained myself to pay attention or at least look like I do when it's really necessary, even if I'm not interested.

    9. We Are Loud: I'm monitoring my voice carefully, as I'm very sensitive to sound and "yellers" stress me. If anything, my voice can go too low sometimes.

    10. We Don’t ALWAYS Follow The Rules: This one is tough and people, in general, don't "always" follow the rules. I've been judged in the past as being defiant for not adhering to implicit rules. I consider the onus to be on me when it comes to common courtesy, manners or work ethics and I went out of my way to learn those, but in situations where groups make their own rules, I consider the onus to be on them to make their expectations clear. And while by living in society we all implicitly agree to respect the laws and most social rules, these are not at all the same across the board. When it comes to more arbitrary ones like the "bro code", class solidarity etc, people need to understand that adherence is optional and I have no obligation whatsoever to conform to their stereotype. I'll accept the consequences, but I also feel perfectly justified to call out people when they try to peer-pressure me into showing loyalty to a tribe I didn't join myself.


    I agree with the poster who said such things shouldn't be used as an excuse or that being autistic does not give one carte blanche to treat others in ways they don't want to be treated themselves. I see this as a two-way street: I really appreciate it when others make allowances for me and even more so when they take the time to explain things and how my behaviour affects them, but I think it's also necessary for me to respond in kind: both explain my POV and at least try to make some allowances for them.





     
  18. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    One of those pop-psychology articles that are written so that most people can find something in it to agree with but not really telling us anything new or important.

    Really, a person with autism cannot expect other people to diagnose them, and even if they did, one cannot expect them to accept canceling out of a long-planned date without having a strong negative reaction. If one is talking too loudly at a social event, are invading someone's space, or are laughing at a funeral, it isn't up to the other people present to be cool with it.
     
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  19. Myrtonos

    Myrtonos Well-Known Member

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    Even people without autism don't always listen, can sometimes seem distrustful, may space invade, leave conversations abruptly and even be loud.
     
  20. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    That is a legitimate statement. A person who exhibits these traits on a regular basis may well experience social consequences similar to someone who is autistic. Or they may not. It is a complicated situation.

    Someone who is an outstanding athlete, very attractive in appearance, or rich, or maybe a social sophisticate can do all these things occasionally and still be very popular. If you have high social status, you may even do these things specifically to demonstrate your status. You can be so cool, you can do crap without getting called out for it.

    Even an ordinary person can do this and the next day they are like, "OMG! I did what at that party? I'm sorry. I was so drunk!" And since they don't invade space, get loud, walk off in the middle of a conversation very often and have social skills to make up for their faux pas, they are forgiven and its importance fades. They have the social skills to handle it.

    If you did these things frequently you'd never get to the level of status where it gets laughed off.

    For a person with autism, these can be regular and normal behaviors, not exceptions. Never mind all the other baggage an autistic person may carry. There's can be clumsiness, intolerance of loud/chaotic situations, focusing on facts rather than implications, low emotional intelligence, failure to read nonverbal signals, blindness to social cues. There may be personal cleanliness issues, unawareness of rudimentary fashion, unawareness of how people will interpret their behavior. Maybe even occasional meltdowns.

    Of course, nobody does all those behaviors - but all autistic people have some socially inappropriate behaviors or autism wouldn't be a problem.

    There are so many things an autistic person has to learn that others pick up almost instinctively. And it is a dry learning. There's no gut-level sense that these things are somehow wrong, they are just steps in an algorithm for how to get by. Even then, sufficient excitement and the lid threatens to come off.

    I once watched a video of myself at a pool party when I was 18. I didn't have a clue how weird I was acting at the time. Contrasted with the behavior of the other people, it was obvious.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2020