I feel like I want some company this weekend, alas all of my local friends will be busy so I have to learn to be my own company for a while. Or one of you can play Xbox with me over the Internet, there's always that option.
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I have a cold so I am working from home today. I made several outgoing calls so far. I worry when I make phone calls because I know I was born with a speech impediment.
I want to sleep for a couple of days, alas I have to work tomorrow.
I feel like I worked out too hard at the gym this morning. Damn, my muscles hurt.
I feel like going to a nice beachside town for a week, eating seafood for dinner every night and reading a couple of novels on the beach while I get a tan. I dislike winter weather.
I feel like stuffing my belly with chili and cornbread for lunch when I get home.
Middle of the night, woke up and now am wide awake, wish the gym was open right now to burn off some energy.
Being in a victim headspace is one hell of a drug. I need to cut that crap out.
Anybody who treats me like a gimp, unable to think for myself, deserves no relevance in how I live my life.
I am going to take a nice long walk this afternoon. Try to get at least 10,000 steps a day starting today. I already gave up liquid calories. I also gave up potato chips.
12-stepping sucks and is truly toxic. It exists for people who wish to hate themselves for the rest of their lives and who wish to spread their misery in a cult like fashion. Seriously, forget that noise. Forget AA.
After sleeping through most of this weekend, I am going to commit to making my physical health better. Too many health problems recently. I need to reverse this crap and make that a top priority.
I feel like I need some weed. As in right this second.
I feel like I need to talk to somebody who is on my side, but the only two people I know IRL who are on my side are too busy to speak to me today.
I survived my own personal Hell - so where should I go from here? The world is vast.
A friend just told me that I have not really been challenging myself the last few years outside of staying away from alcohol. He is correct. I need more intellectual stimulation than what I have been giving myself.
This is what I am watching tonight.
My isolation is my own fault. I should be getting out more. -
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