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Misery

Misery

V.I.P Member
Amalga Heart 43 From Big stupid hole in the ground (Illinois)
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  • Misery
    So, bit of an update: had my first appointment with a new therapist today... to help me deal with my anxiety and other issues. Not even 10 minutes in, I told her about... the whole gender thing, all of that. Just went right ahead and did it! That's the first time I've managed to tell someone in-person. I just about wrecked myself with nervousness while doing so, but I did it anyway! Went well!
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    It was indeed nerve-wracking, honestly I'm still feeling a bit dazed from it, and it was 5 hours ago. A big step though, yes. Though, I'll admit, I tripped over a rock with that step. Forgot to mention the name to her. Like, I pointed out all the rest of it, didnt say THAT part though, due to being a space cadet.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    ^ Gives you something to take care of next time.
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    Nice job Sophie. That must have been really difficult. Good work.
    Misery
    I dont suppose anyone currently here might have like a funny video or something to share... coming down off of a bad anxiety attack (storm season, astraphobia, not a fun combination), still really shaky, could use some humor or anything
    Misery
    Nito.webp


    Look at this crazy thing. From the Dark Souls board game expansion I just got. I kinda want to try to learn to paint minis (which is what this type of figure is called)... the board gaming hobby has quite a few of them... but some of them just look so absurdly intimidating to paint. So many details.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Intimidating to paint? You're lucky to be able to get 10 ft. Near those things without being torn in half!
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    23t4e4rt44e4t5etgg.webp
    UberScout
    UberScout
    My worst fear in that game.
    Misery
    PtDNIS4.webp


    Today's special interest haul. It's been a long while since I went and got much of anything new. The really BIG haul has yet to come though.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Dark Souls looks neat. Children under the house, pretty scary.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Do you have Wingspan? I don't know how good of a game it is single player, but I like it quite a lot.
    Misery
    Misery
    I have the digital version of that one, it's pretty good singleplayer actually. I might pick up a physical copy at some point (with expansions).
    Misery
    Thing that amused me today: I'm checking my email, right, and it occurred to me to have a look at the ol' spam folder. Every single thing in there is from the Microsoft Store. ALL of it. Like some sort of sad, obsessive stalker. But with ads. I should note that I bought one, and ONLY one thing from there in the past. Like, 2 years ago.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    In our case, it has been scammers who were letting us know that our $400 payment to McAfee or Norton Anti-Virus has been successfully processed on a non-existent credit card...! :oops:
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    It's a good reason to get a Linux computer.
    Misery
    Walk out into the garage to get a soda, just nice and calm, suddenly from the other side of the garage, a noise like pop-pop-pop-WHEEEEEEE!!! and, ya know what, I dont even wanna know. Back into the house, go get some Advil. Wont help with the demon clowns or whatever that was, but maybe my neck will hurt less.
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    Wouldnt be the first time something got in the garage. Havent seen any animals around here in ages though (everything is frozen). Typically we get squirrels and frogs around here. LOTS of them. I've yet to see any cats, there's not much houses around here.
    Misery
    Misery
    I had a quick look UNDER the car though, but I cant see a darned thing under there.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Maybe you haven't seen any cats around there because all of them are stuck in your garage. ;)
    Misery
    An "I should not have clicked that" moment: Was curious about how eye surgery worked, like the sort my father had. So I tried looking it up on Youtube. First of all, NOPE. Secondly, that wasnt the only thing that came up in the search results. With no self control, I clicked one of the OTHER ones. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh I cant unsee any of that, why did I do that. Mistakes were made
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Oh no. I was slightly traumatized by the “what color are your eyes?” thread and the close-up photos in there. Can’t imagine what you’ve just been through.
    L
    Luca
    The biggest research mistake I ever made was looking up removing a spleen (I was afraid that I was in need of that. Thankfully, I wasn’t.)
    It was as bad as you would imagine. I actually fainted lol
    Misery
    Misery
    @Luca Yeah, I'd imagine that wasnt a pretty sight. The one I saw was, well... I tell ya, brain tumors look even worse than you might think they do. Seeing where it's being taken out of REALLY doesnt improve the aesthetics, either. I dont know why the search thing brought that up. I also dont know why I clicked on it.
    Misery
    Finally updating my gaming emulator/rom stuff today. I hadnt done that in like 15 years, what an absolutely staggering difference it is. That previous setup was practically stone age stuff compared to this. I tend to be really, really bad about updating stuff, but still, shoulda done this much sooner.
    View previous comments…
    1ForAll
    1ForAll
    I think Aspychata just means the VR character you used in the video thread where your voice was there and you used the controller to go from environment to environment.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Thank you @1ForAll.
    Sorry, l am waist deep in house repairs, and my brain matter is on overload.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Yes, the VR character was super neat, l loved the hands, and you have a very nice voice. Fantastic job.
    Misery
    So, art thing I've realized: I can do really good at like, the initial line work of a given thing (albeit very slowly, more experienced artists can probably do it MUCH faster). But, when it comes to fill it full of color, that's when everything goes downhill. Things get splotchy. Hm. I'm not sure how to go about getting better at that part, but that's what I need to focus on.
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    Pastels (dry pastels) are also really good for the coloring part, that's probably the coloring/shading I can do best, since easy blending makes that soooooo much easier and smoother to do.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Better quality colour pencils allow for easier blending and you can press down firmer and minimise line marks and get a more solid colour:
    304789057_429508129160299_8363804644810984660_n.jpg
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    When you said colour pencils i though on wooden pencils. What are exactly colour pencils? Do you have an image?
    Misery
    Okay, so, I've opened up to a few more people that I know online about being transgender (mostly over on Steam). And... every single one of them had already guessed that. In a couple of cases, they said they figured it out like, quite a long while ago. Was it seriously THAT obvious?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    The important thing is as far as I can tell they sound rather accepting of you being Trans. I personally don't have a problem with it. You're a human with free will to be whatever the heck ya want :)
    Kirsty
    Kirsty
    My aunt apparently picked up that I was ‘gay’ in childhood or something and said it was important for me to say it out loud than to ask me. It’s probably more obvious than we realise. School was a living hell and peers picked up on it too. I don’t really put a label on myself as I’m just ‘me’ and don’t necessarily need operations or hormones, but saying that, a flat chest is something I’ve always liked to have…
    Misery
    Well I managed an hour long VR session today without feeling like I was gonna fall apart afterwards. A lot of my physical issues (chronic pain) has been way less lately and getting in the way of stuff less. More room to pursue my hobbies, finally. Still gotta be careful though, I should probably relax for a bit now.
    Misery
    Well, today I finally sat down to start to learn Gamemaker Studio (one of the major game-dev engines). I'd been meaning to do this for AGES, but... yeah, lethargy. Today though, time to do it. So I went through the tutorial videos/guide/something, and have produced the worlds worst version of Asteroids, thus completing the first step. But I made the rocks spin, it didnt tell me to do that, hah!
    View previous comments…
    Angular Chap
    Angular Chap
    Worlds worst version of Asteroids you say....Humanoids...? Hemorrhoids...? No wait, it's an Asteroids remake: Humanoids With Hemorrhoids!
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good luck @Misery .
    Sounds pretty neat.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    I bought Construct 2 quite a lot years ago. Never did a game but enjoyed doing some tutorials. Now, my daugther have made a very simple but cute "cats" game using it. Its a fun activity.

    Congratulations on your new project.
    Misery
    Currently feeling quite drained, after having gotten that blasted vaccine booster. It did this to me last time too, where I end up just feeling all "feh" and blankly staring into space for like a whole day. While at the same time my sensory issues trigger seemingly at random. No idea why. I should probably go and actually do something.
    Misery
    zzzzzzzzzzzzz.webp

    This is the drawing I'm currently working on, toughest one yet. Her name is Amalga. Started as pencil on paper but I transferred it to the iPad after finishing her face. Tracing took awhile, adding everything else took awhile, drawing her freaking arms nearly drove me insane. There is still a LOT more to do yet. Gonna have a full background this time. ugh
    Crabcore
    Crabcore
    Looks like something out of a roguelike. Awesome!
    Misery
    Misery
    It is, actually. "The Void Rains Upon Her Heart", basically bullet-hell shmup + roguelike. It's been my most played game on Steam this year.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Very cool looking. Thanks for sharing.
    Misery
    Ye gods, my arm hurts. Been playing Dead Cells a lot recently (think Dark Souls, but in 2D, more colorful, with roguelike elements, and much faster). A bit too much really. It's such a blast. Got all the expansions recently, and the next expansion is Castlevania (like, actual Castlevania, I've no idea how they got that license). Highly recommended to anyone looking for a great gaming challenge.
    Misery
    Chronic pain kinda sucks, did I ever mention that? Bah. Tired of it interrupting things I'm doing. I can partly blame high school for this. Well, I can blame high school for a lot of things.
    Misery
    GAH I'm not paying attention to the blasted clock again, here I am browsing the forum here and I should have had my meal 2 hours ago since I gotta get up at a specific time... uuuuuuugh. I'll be paying for that with missed sleep later. Bah. I always do this to myself.
    tree
    tree
    This is confusing me.
    Your time zone is an hour behind where I am, I think.
    So if I see the time stamp as "8:11 AM" and you're saying you should have eaten two hours ago, does
    that mean you were talking about eating at 5 AM your time?

    Or what?
    Misery
    Misery
    My schedule confuses everyone. I have non-24 sleep-wake disorder. 5 AM was indeed the target time, and tomorrow it'll be 6AM, and then the next day, 7 AM... and so on. Currently it's 9 AM here and I'll be going to bed at 10 or so.
    tree
    tree
    My suppertime is 10 or 11PM.
    Or 2AM through 4.

    If I eat too early then I wake up and have to eat during the night.

    The *I never eat just before going to bed* thing is definitely not me.
    Misery
    Amalga.webp


    A drawing I'm working on. Her name is Amalga, I totally love her. There's waaaayyyyy more yet to this drawing to do, arms & hands will be hard. Also stitches, lots of those, she's kinda stitched together. The left side of her face is mostly rock, as are the things in her hair, so that's why that looks odd (needs details though to give texture). And no, I didnt design her.
    Misery
    Misery
    Supposed to be stitches across her neck too, just noticed I missed that detail. Art is hard.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    The rope on her horn looks similar to those used to hung people.
    Misery
    Misery
    It's another stone on the end of the rope, currently looks like a loop instead since there's no color filling it in yet (it'll be blue like the rock parts). She's one of those characters where a few parts of her design dont make any sense at all without color applied. Well, not when it's me doing the drawing, anyway.
    Misery
    So, update: MORE INFECTIONS!!! My father's eye thing is still going (but slowly, slowly getting better). Dog #1, Cooper, has an ear infection for the millionth time. Dog #2, Dingle, has an eye infection, because of course. I dont even know how we're supposed to deal with her medication. Some sort of cream and the method of applying it sounds... not quite right. LOTSA FUN AROUND HERE.
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    @Luca Actually she's the one who applied it that first time, haha. I dont know where in the world that explanation of hers came from when she did in fact know how to do it right. Methinks there was an error in the speaking somewhere. Though I do have to learn to apply it myself as well.
    Misery
    Misery
    @Aspychata Oh geez, car problems during winter are just the worst. Been there, done that... gotta say, I cant recommend that experience to anyone. The worst though is if it happens when you're already on the road and everything is frozen... ugh.
    Misery
    Misery
    aagh okay so I saw for myself up close how the eye stuff is applied. I cant describe how much I dont want to do that. Dog was 100% fine with it and not even a bit bothered. Cant say the same for myself. And now this is bringing back memories of that brief vet assistant job from so many years ago. Really didnt need to remember that.
    Misery
    Gotta say, all this gender stuff is increasingly rough. Just a single "sir" thrown my way is enough to kill my mood at this point. I cant do anything about it yet. Cant go into "girl mode" before having told anyone, and it aint time yet. I'm close though. So close. Another week or two. Just gotta hold out a bit longer. How does anyone get through this without going insane first? Ugh.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good you are deciding to come out. You won't need to mask that anymore.
    merithra
    merithra
    I am here for you. If you would ever like to discuss transitioning my DMs are open, to be honest I think we have to get through this by being a mixture of insane and stubborn. I had to manifest an unbreakable will to get through the last year which was hard for someone who quits easily like me, I went insane, stubborn and all the things in between but the payoff is big. you will get there, i believe in you.
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