There is a couple in my church whom I will call Bill and Sandra, though obviously those are not their real names. Bill and Sandra are in their late 70's. Sandra is battling cancer, and the long-term prognosis is not good. Yet she tries not to let it get her down or affect her faith.
Bill and Sandra are wonderful people who have fallen on hard times, like so many in this area. Bill's politics may be a bit too right-wing for my liking (he thinks Fox News is gospel) but he has a heart as big as the sky. They will give you the shirt off their backs. They help out at the food pantry even though they are in need themselves. When things were going better for them they hosted several international students who still call them Mom and Dad. That is the kind of people they are, and it is because of them that I am involved in this church.
Today I walked in and found Sandra and Bill involved in a discussion with another woman whom I will call Rhonda. I only caught a snippet of it but it wasn't good. Later Sandra came up to me and filled me in on what was going on.
Because of a series of bad luck (a car accident, Sandra's illness), Bill and Sandra fell behind on their mortgage payments. They went to the bank only to find out that they could not refinance due to their age and Sandra's illness. Now before you tell me this is illegal, yes, it probably is. The question is what can Bill and Sandra do about it? To make a long story short, they ended up losing their house.
Enter Rhonda. Rhonda, it turns out, works at a bank. In the loan department. Therefore she has access to the kind of information Bill and Sandra so desperately needed. I also want to add that Bill and Sandra's situation did not just come up but has been known to the church family for quite some time. Bill and Sandra have been at their wit's end and this also has been known. Finally, they made the decision to give the house back to the bank, since it was going to take it anyway and seek housing elsewhere. Fortunately, through the help of one of Bill's former employers (who does not go to this church) they were able to find a place.
All these months while Bill and Sandra were dealing with the joint issues of Sandra's illness and dealing with a bank that was not willing to deal with them, Rhonda said nothing. Now that they have made the decision to abandon the house, Rhonda has no trouble telling them that this was a bad move. This was the conversation I walked in on. "Banks see things differently," she said. "You have to understand how they think." Well, duh. And where were YOU when this couple needed help navigating the maze of rules and regulations? Nor did I hear her volunteer any information on how you get around the age/illness discrimination issue.
I do not know Rhonda well, but I can tell you I have lost all respect for her. All. And it will be a cold day in you know where before I go to her for advice on banking matters. I don't know the reasons for Rhonda's silence. No doubt she thinks of herself as a good Christian, right with Jesus, and all that. She probably didn't set out to be malicious or cruel. But --- she had information that could have possibly saved my friends their home and she sat on it. If you don't think that sort of thing doesn't get around, you are sadly mistaken. Especially in a small church!
I've run into a lot of Rhondas in my life, and no doubt many of you have too. Frankly, I don't get it. If you know something that can help someone and you know that they need this information, why withhold it? I thought we were all about helping each other at this church. What Rhonda has done is not only withheld information, she has created an atmosphere of distrust. For if I need help on a situation, and I cannot rely on you to give me honest and timely information, then what good is all this talk about family and being together, about truth and authenticity and community?
It's really sad, but it's true--you need to look out for number one first because you cannot depend on others.
Bill and Sandra are wonderful people who have fallen on hard times, like so many in this area. Bill's politics may be a bit too right-wing for my liking (he thinks Fox News is gospel) but he has a heart as big as the sky. They will give you the shirt off their backs. They help out at the food pantry even though they are in need themselves. When things were going better for them they hosted several international students who still call them Mom and Dad. That is the kind of people they are, and it is because of them that I am involved in this church.
Today I walked in and found Sandra and Bill involved in a discussion with another woman whom I will call Rhonda. I only caught a snippet of it but it wasn't good. Later Sandra came up to me and filled me in on what was going on.
Because of a series of bad luck (a car accident, Sandra's illness), Bill and Sandra fell behind on their mortgage payments. They went to the bank only to find out that they could not refinance due to their age and Sandra's illness. Now before you tell me this is illegal, yes, it probably is. The question is what can Bill and Sandra do about it? To make a long story short, they ended up losing their house.
Enter Rhonda. Rhonda, it turns out, works at a bank. In the loan department. Therefore she has access to the kind of information Bill and Sandra so desperately needed. I also want to add that Bill and Sandra's situation did not just come up but has been known to the church family for quite some time. Bill and Sandra have been at their wit's end and this also has been known. Finally, they made the decision to give the house back to the bank, since it was going to take it anyway and seek housing elsewhere. Fortunately, through the help of one of Bill's former employers (who does not go to this church) they were able to find a place.
All these months while Bill and Sandra were dealing with the joint issues of Sandra's illness and dealing with a bank that was not willing to deal with them, Rhonda said nothing. Now that they have made the decision to abandon the house, Rhonda has no trouble telling them that this was a bad move. This was the conversation I walked in on. "Banks see things differently," she said. "You have to understand how they think." Well, duh. And where were YOU when this couple needed help navigating the maze of rules and regulations? Nor did I hear her volunteer any information on how you get around the age/illness discrimination issue.
I do not know Rhonda well, but I can tell you I have lost all respect for her. All. And it will be a cold day in you know where before I go to her for advice on banking matters. I don't know the reasons for Rhonda's silence. No doubt she thinks of herself as a good Christian, right with Jesus, and all that. She probably didn't set out to be malicious or cruel. But --- she had information that could have possibly saved my friends their home and she sat on it. If you don't think that sort of thing doesn't get around, you are sadly mistaken. Especially in a small church!
I've run into a lot of Rhondas in my life, and no doubt many of you have too. Frankly, I don't get it. If you know something that can help someone and you know that they need this information, why withhold it? I thought we were all about helping each other at this church. What Rhonda has done is not only withheld information, she has created an atmosphere of distrust. For if I need help on a situation, and I cannot rely on you to give me honest and timely information, then what good is all this talk about family and being together, about truth and authenticity and community?
It's really sad, but it's true--you need to look out for number one first because you cannot depend on others.
