suicide calibration

the last few days and weeks my suicide considerations ( or at least a wish for a period of unconsciousness ) have ended in me like several times before doing the "lesser evile" that's something that is either destruktiv or that i didn't feel justified to do befor; like buying something expensive, even if i know that it won't help much, but since i "wish to end it" anyways .... why not. But im gona write abite more abute de distruktiv down calibration of the suicide considerations: 1st the bakgrund....i have some issues with food since early days: food/full stomach gives me anxiety, dont know and never knew why it's not a question of kilos, and until 2014 i haven't gotten a solution.....

but the as/adhd diagnosis gave me ritalina.... then went apitat..and...yes!!! i culd now eat very small meals and skip the after anxiety.... 3 month later i got IBS-d and the "party" seems to be over (ritalina is/was for sure responsible for the ibsd)but the medication for ibs has the same effect on the apitat. time went and i lost a lot of weight, from being more or less overweight at least comparing to me before 30 y of age.

However know i'm getting closer to "under-widget" and the down calibration or lesser evil wod in this case be to set the alarm clock 1h leter/5-10 kilos down, sens the idea on termination of myself lets say "gives me" a larger area to move on. ....


I hade w it writing, and like alweys....was planing to write more....