A few Sundays ago we had a guest singer in the church band. A young woman, whom I'd never seen before, and haven't seen since. She had a good voice and blended in well with the rest of the band.
As I watched her sing, I started becoming a little uncomfortable. It was the way she sang, with eyes closed and a look of rapture on her face, like she was in another world. I've recognized it before. And every time I've seen it it disturbs me for the same reason.
You see, I used to have a secret world, and I know all about the power of music to reach this secret world. I know just how real this secret world can be. And the look on this young woman's face reminded me of me, when I would use music as a way of attaining a trance-like state. I know how pleasurable and addictive this sensation can be, how it can allure. And I wonder, just what is this woman really communing with? A reality beyond this world or a reality that only exists inside her head?
I haven't seen her in a while so I don't know if her fervor was too much even for the band, or whether she was just visiting and was asked to sing. I've been busy with my theater work so I haven't been around that much myself.
Now, there aren't too many people who know about my secret world, and that is because it is just that, a secret. So I am not going to reveal any details about it and for a reason. Just as Houdini gave his wife a code to recognize him by should anyone claim to be receiving a postmortem message from him, this is my code, my test question. Only mine doesn't consist of a set of trivial words.
So, if anyone is claiming a connection with a spiritual entity or reality, I don't care what you call it, it's not going to be enough to say that I had imaginary friends or a fantasy kingdom. Lots of people have that. What I am interested is in the details. Things that nobody could possibly know or find out, unless there really is another, spiritual world. In particular a specific incident, when, where, what and why. I've been waiting for quite a few decades for this answer. I don't really like to talk about it, because I don't want to skew the results. I don't want people guessing. I have in mind something very specific, and I will know if anyone is guessing.
Someone at church asked me if I was still having struggles with faith and I said yes, and I repeated basically what I said above (without mentioning the secret world). I said what I am looking for is something like the experience Jesus had with the woman at the well, except that he could have overheard the other village women gossiping about her and thus known about her marital status. This, there is absolutely no possibility of anyone doing so. It concerns something I've never told a soul and I was alone when it happened. It may have been simply coincidence or there could have been a spiritual connection. I said that should I get the answer I am looking for, it will jump-start the conversation about faith. She said she would pray about it. The thing is, she doesn't realize how dangerous a request this is. Because if she (or anyone else) comes to me and says that God told them it was such-and-such and it isn't even close, then that raises the question, are they really in touch with God? That's a scary question. I told her I did not want to be responsible for someone else losing their faith.
Well, today's sermon was about how seeing miracles doesn't always lead to faith. So maybe someone might say that is the only answer I am going to get, just as the only answer Job got from the tornado was you aren't going to get an answer. I say that is no answer and that still leaves us right at the beginning. I have a reason for asking what I am asking.
As I watched her sing, I started becoming a little uncomfortable. It was the way she sang, with eyes closed and a look of rapture on her face, like she was in another world. I've recognized it before. And every time I've seen it it disturbs me for the same reason.
You see, I used to have a secret world, and I know all about the power of music to reach this secret world. I know just how real this secret world can be. And the look on this young woman's face reminded me of me, when I would use music as a way of attaining a trance-like state. I know how pleasurable and addictive this sensation can be, how it can allure. And I wonder, just what is this woman really communing with? A reality beyond this world or a reality that only exists inside her head?
I haven't seen her in a while so I don't know if her fervor was too much even for the band, or whether she was just visiting and was asked to sing. I've been busy with my theater work so I haven't been around that much myself.
Now, there aren't too many people who know about my secret world, and that is because it is just that, a secret. So I am not going to reveal any details about it and for a reason. Just as Houdini gave his wife a code to recognize him by should anyone claim to be receiving a postmortem message from him, this is my code, my test question. Only mine doesn't consist of a set of trivial words.
So, if anyone is claiming a connection with a spiritual entity or reality, I don't care what you call it, it's not going to be enough to say that I had imaginary friends or a fantasy kingdom. Lots of people have that. What I am interested is in the details. Things that nobody could possibly know or find out, unless there really is another, spiritual world. In particular a specific incident, when, where, what and why. I've been waiting for quite a few decades for this answer. I don't really like to talk about it, because I don't want to skew the results. I don't want people guessing. I have in mind something very specific, and I will know if anyone is guessing.
Someone at church asked me if I was still having struggles with faith and I said yes, and I repeated basically what I said above (without mentioning the secret world). I said what I am looking for is something like the experience Jesus had with the woman at the well, except that he could have overheard the other village women gossiping about her and thus known about her marital status. This, there is absolutely no possibility of anyone doing so. It concerns something I've never told a soul and I was alone when it happened. It may have been simply coincidence or there could have been a spiritual connection. I said that should I get the answer I am looking for, it will jump-start the conversation about faith. She said she would pray about it. The thing is, she doesn't realize how dangerous a request this is. Because if she (or anyone else) comes to me and says that God told them it was such-and-such and it isn't even close, then that raises the question, are they really in touch with God? That's a scary question. I told her I did not want to be responsible for someone else losing their faith.
Well, today's sermon was about how seeing miracles doesn't always lead to faith. So maybe someone might say that is the only answer I am going to get, just as the only answer Job got from the tornado was you aren't going to get an answer. I say that is no answer and that still leaves us right at the beginning. I have a reason for asking what I am asking.
