Over the last few months I’ve been seeing a therapist. Mostly over future prospects and issues thereof and less for “personal” matters.
I’m not depressed beyond what I can’t manage; I don’t “suffer” from my AS in my direct personal life. It’s actually all revolving around the horse I’ve been beating to death time and time again in my blogs; employment.
So, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m set up with a career coach of sorts as well as said therapist. After a back and forth from my personal experiences, my opinion, and my views it really opens up the question; is what I want out of life realistic? Is what my therapist thinks I should be doing realistic? Not just in terms of if I could do it, but also, is there any support for it, being it practical or financial.
As it seems my therapist comes across as this woman who cannot accept that she has to say “no… I can’t do this” and it pains me that I might be her first she has to admit defeat to.
By all means I think it’s great she has this mentality that we should come to a solution. It’s a kind of perseverance I can appreciate. However, perseverance has it bounds. Droning on in an almost mindless way, trying to pull options out of a hat blindly is why I’m thinking I’m too much of an obstacle for her.
But in her defense, she has limited means to work with. I’m quite the character who has little to no interest in social antics and my interests are quite atypical. In fact, many issues she’s run into with me we didn’t even address it as “yeah, that’s your ASD”, for her many of my aspects are personality traits, so deep routed, she’s not so sure therapy will actually fix it; aside from the fact that rigorous thinking and perhaps clinging to certain aspects might have a solid foundation in my ASD.
If you add in that the handful of things, skills I have, are ones that provide no serious prospects; since you know… starving artist and such. Along with budget cuts to actually support anyone with issues whatsoever to get employed, her hands are bound, but since I’ve been sent there (so partially, my sessions are involuntary) by social services because they want me to get employed and “fixed” it seems like she has to come with a solution and can’t even say “I’m sorry, but this situation is so hopeless”.
It wouldn’t bother me though, I’ve already had that happen once, where a therapist told me that suicide might actually be a better prospect since he couldn’t imagine me fitting in, and considering he already cutbacks coming from afar, he couldn’t imagine there’d be any resources to get me back on track. He didn’t even try any therapy… to him I already was a lost cause. To him I was a case that needed such a specific job to be, essentially, created… that’s hardly realistic to expect. Create a job just for the sake of offering employment and paying a proper wage on top… yeah… no.
Later, when I saw a different therapist, after I got my diagnosis, but went back because that was the advice I got through a psychological assessment, they flat out told me “yeah… we can’t really see any solutions here in this situation, you might want to try elsewhere”. And that’s how I ended at my current therapist.
Perhaps my situation is an odd one to relate to. Especially because of the international nature of this forum. After all, laws are different in every country. Some countries have “easier” regulations to apply for disability income, others might have better resources for courses and training to get back on track towards employment, while other countries might not have all of these things, but might not perceive people as “that weird” and are more welcoming if you have a few peculiarities (thus it might be a cultural thing).
All this speculating and thinking about future prospects including life and death brings me to the notion of quality of life, and essentially a proper issue I should raise with a therapist. Does a decrease in quality of life compare to this entire issue I’m running into through both the therapist and social services. It also raises the question in terms of; does my quality of life, my own aspirations, do they improve if I decide to bend over and be more adjusted… regardless on if that’s a realistic prospect that I can mentally deal with. After all, if I was only maladjusted because I thought it was great to rebel, I might look at myself in the mirror and blame no one but me. But as it is, I feel I’m just as maladjusted as someone trying to make a carnivore turn vegetarian.
I’m not depressed beyond what I can’t manage; I don’t “suffer” from my AS in my direct personal life. It’s actually all revolving around the horse I’ve been beating to death time and time again in my blogs; employment.
So, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m set up with a career coach of sorts as well as said therapist. After a back and forth from my personal experiences, my opinion, and my views it really opens up the question; is what I want out of life realistic? Is what my therapist thinks I should be doing realistic? Not just in terms of if I could do it, but also, is there any support for it, being it practical or financial.
As it seems my therapist comes across as this woman who cannot accept that she has to say “no… I can’t do this” and it pains me that I might be her first she has to admit defeat to.
By all means I think it’s great she has this mentality that we should come to a solution. It’s a kind of perseverance I can appreciate. However, perseverance has it bounds. Droning on in an almost mindless way, trying to pull options out of a hat blindly is why I’m thinking I’m too much of an obstacle for her.
But in her defense, she has limited means to work with. I’m quite the character who has little to no interest in social antics and my interests are quite atypical. In fact, many issues she’s run into with me we didn’t even address it as “yeah, that’s your ASD”, for her many of my aspects are personality traits, so deep routed, she’s not so sure therapy will actually fix it; aside from the fact that rigorous thinking and perhaps clinging to certain aspects might have a solid foundation in my ASD.
If you add in that the handful of things, skills I have, are ones that provide no serious prospects; since you know… starving artist and such. Along with budget cuts to actually support anyone with issues whatsoever to get employed, her hands are bound, but since I’ve been sent there (so partially, my sessions are involuntary) by social services because they want me to get employed and “fixed” it seems like she has to come with a solution and can’t even say “I’m sorry, but this situation is so hopeless”.
It wouldn’t bother me though, I’ve already had that happen once, where a therapist told me that suicide might actually be a better prospect since he couldn’t imagine me fitting in, and considering he already cutbacks coming from afar, he couldn’t imagine there’d be any resources to get me back on track. He didn’t even try any therapy… to him I already was a lost cause. To him I was a case that needed such a specific job to be, essentially, created… that’s hardly realistic to expect. Create a job just for the sake of offering employment and paying a proper wage on top… yeah… no.
Later, when I saw a different therapist, after I got my diagnosis, but went back because that was the advice I got through a psychological assessment, they flat out told me “yeah… we can’t really see any solutions here in this situation, you might want to try elsewhere”. And that’s how I ended at my current therapist.
Perhaps my situation is an odd one to relate to. Especially because of the international nature of this forum. After all, laws are different in every country. Some countries have “easier” regulations to apply for disability income, others might have better resources for courses and training to get back on track towards employment, while other countries might not have all of these things, but might not perceive people as “that weird” and are more welcoming if you have a few peculiarities (thus it might be a cultural thing).
All this speculating and thinking about future prospects including life and death brings me to the notion of quality of life, and essentially a proper issue I should raise with a therapist. Does a decrease in quality of life compare to this entire issue I’m running into through both the therapist and social services. It also raises the question in terms of; does my quality of life, my own aspirations, do they improve if I decide to bend over and be more adjusted… regardless on if that’s a realistic prospect that I can mentally deal with. After all, if I was only maladjusted because I thought it was great to rebel, I might look at myself in the mirror and blame no one but me. But as it is, I feel I’m just as maladjusted as someone trying to make a carnivore turn vegetarian.
