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Blog entries by Raggamuffin

Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
97
Reaction score
1
General
I've experienced the symptoms of burnout for years. Now I'm working more hours than I've ever worked before. In my free time I sink into deep depressions and loneliness. And now a week of insomnia. Sleep was the only thing not affected by 20+ years with anxiety and depression, and now it too...
Raggamuffin
4 min read
Views
95
General
Got myself into a bit of a pickle whereby the next few months may incur some rather lofty anxieties and what if's. But it was all my own doing. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it, as it's already been and done now. All I'm left with now is a waiting game. I shall elaborate... So...
Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
89
General
Feels good to be back at work. Noticed a big change in my mood and outlook. But I think it warrants further care and attention on why I feel so wayward and depressed during my time off. I know that lack of money doesn't help matters. Yes there's some free things I could pursue, but the drive...
Raggamuffin
1 min read
Views
58
General
Discovered the cabin fans are broken in the van when I was taking it to the bodyshop. Quite hard to see out of whilst driving. On the way there, the road was flooded. The journey ended up taking twice as long. Hopefully the new fault is just a fuse, but the bodyshop can repair it either way. As...
Raggamuffin
3 min read
Views
80
General
Mechanic is working on the car today. Fingers crossed for a quick and cheap fix. Car costs delays the van by another few months. It'll be nearing 2 years of owning the van before I can even live in it. With the car not working I've not been able to work. February's pay day won't be very good...
Raggamuffin
5 min read
Views
75
General
Figured I'd write whilst my mood felt a little brighter. Yesterday was a struggle with depression and loneliness. It feels very pronounced on my days off since splitting with Hayley. Truth be told I was feeling it less before me and Hayley met, as I was still smoking weed, and it helped to keep...
Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
89
General
Stayed up late last night, up until nearly 2am which is very unusual for me. Normally I'm asleep by 10 or 11. But I had a nap earlier in the day, and seeing as I have consecutive days off; I felt no guilt about it. Woke up after 6 or so hours, so not exactly getting the rest I'd hoped for. Tried...
Raggamuffin
5 min read
Views
331
Comments
1
Personal
Waiting to hear from the mechanic about when he can look at the car. He said he'd check his diary today and let me know. Work has given me today off, and I have no work until Friday. That is, if I can get my car fixed by Thursday. I hope for a quick fix. I asked my folks if I could borrow their...
Raggamuffin
3 min read
Views
68
Personal
Woke up feeling quite refreshed. On my drive in I felt rather positive. Later in the morning I had soke missed calls, they wanted me to change shift on Sunday and work a round in central Cambridge. I'm not keen on the traffic and one of the clients, but I said yes as there's so clients who are...
Raggamuffin
5 min read
Views
89
General
1487 days alcohol free, 13 days tobacco free, 7 days weed free. Today is my only full day off this week. I had to contact work about my hours again, as 48 is my legal limit and I keep being given a lot more. This week it's 63.75 on the rota, but the actual time spent away from home will more...
Raggamuffin
5 min read
Views
89
General
Day 3 of no weed. As expected I'm more productive when not living in the fog. I think I'm at the week mark with no tobacco. The past couple of days, when visiting one of the clients, the live-in carer has gone for a cigarette and offered me one several times. I find it easy enough to say no when...
Raggamuffin
11 min read
Views
108
Personal
Time to face the music of sobriety - flushed the last bit of weed I had the other night. Most times I smoked my aches and symptoms of stress would get worse. A lot smoke for pain, for me it made it worse. I get a lot more done in life when sober, but I always miss weed whenever I give it up...
Raggamuffin
7 min read
Views
184
General
Fairly tired today, I'm on a new round at work. A new area and clients always causes a degree of nervousness. But my anxiety for these new rounds has steadily declined. fact, there was only one location where I had high anxiety before starting, and it turned out to be a lovely round. Being...
Raggamuffin
8 min read
Views
157
General
I'm not blogging anywhere near as often as I used to. This morning I felt the urge to write, and it's only now, in the late afternoon that I figured I'd sit down and get started. Not that I haven't been sat in front of my computer all day as usual - because I have. Went through some new music...
Raggamuffin
4 min read
Views
244
Reaction score
2
General
Went to Ely to do my art in the library once again. Air conditioning, spacious table, calm atmosphere, and my music on my noise cancelling headphones - lovely. Parked up next to a van lifer. Heard he was playing music, and when I got out of my car to get my stuff ready to go, he glanced at me...
Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
232
General
Numerous times I've gone to have my massage and felt like a big bag of knots. Often times there are painful moments. But this whole session was very painful. I've been so stressed out lately that my muscles feel extremely tender. It was like someone pushing down hard on bruises. It was...
Raggamuffin
6 min read
Views
291
General
It's been a long time since I've written on here. I made it private about 6 months ago. Truth be told it was because I didn't want Meg to read what I'd written on here anymore. Yet there was also this voyeuristic thrill of knowing she did read my journals, even after we split up. Still, it...
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