Am I Expecting Too Much from My 14yr old Aspie Son?

First of all, I want to thank you for coming to this site and asking us what we think.

Let me try to get into the mind of your son. He doesn't want to respond to what you ask him because he has more important things (at least in his mind) than what you want him to do. The laptop, for example. At the risk of sounding like an anti-technology Luddite, the problem with computers, mobile phones, TV/movies, and the like, is that they are extremely addictive, especially for someone on the spectrum. You simply cannot compete! And I suspect that these electronic devices produce changes in the brain, somewhat like a high, so that what you are asking him to do is to come down from that high and that is the reason for the outbursts. He doesn't want to! He wants to stay in that state.

In an earlier era, it was reading that parents and children clashed over--the story was more compelling than the chores. So this is nothing new. What is new is that the degree that a person can be lost in a fictional world has vastly increased. To me, it'd be better not to introduce such devices in the first place, but I admit that is not practical. Be aware that you have unleashed a genie that is not easy to control, especially as he probably doesn't have the maturity to understand what is happening to him.

Also, if you are telling him that many times to do something and he is not responding, that is because he has learned that he can do that without any adverse consequences, which seems to be a widespread problem these days even with normal children. Your problem now is re-establishing authority, and I don't have any idea of how you do that. I grew up in an era where this was not a problem because parents were allowed a great deal more freedom to discipline than they do now. So any advice I could give in that regard would probably land you in trouble with child protection authorities.