Always pretending

I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business.

I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but she ghosted me. I don't know why, i don't know why she wanted to be my friend in the first place. Honestly the fact is she probably hates me and i can't handle being someone hated.

I think most people i met hated me and i don't want to meddle with people anymore. If i am not a positive influence in someone's life and only bring them pain and hatred than i dont want to ever interact with anyone again. I did not experience much happiness in my life and the fact that i bring people unhappiness is too heavy a burden with my limited happiness supply

I think my parents are the only ones that are happy with my presence. So i hope to die soon after they pass away