A few weeks ago I wrote about microexclusions, which are similar to microaggressions. Another word for both would be generally thoughtless, clueless behavior which makes others feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Because I fall into the high end of the low-income scale, I tend to notice the many ways people who are better off economically take their privileged status for granted. I'm not talking about the fabled One Percent here; I'm talking about the middle class.
Last night I went to a Christmas party with my women's professional group. It was at an exclusive club downtown in an old Victorian mansion. The kind where you have to be invited to set foot in. Not for the likes of people like me. But since I was dressed appropriately for the occasion they let me in without inquiring about my background. See, I do know how to blend in with my "betters."
While we were waiting for dinner my tablemates all made conversation about things like taking cruises, trips to Europe, that sort of thing. Meanwhile, I am in the situation of not knowing if I am going to have to move and if so, where can I afford to move to? What does one say in such situations? It's hard enough to make small talk but when it is assumed and taken for granted that everyone at the table is similarly well-off--and these are not rich people, not by a long shot--what do you say? When a major trip is going 30-40 miles to a nearby town?
Then the meal came. Apparently one of the women is on a vegan diet and the kitchen messed up her order. She said, looking at her chicken and pasta in cream sauce, "I can't eat this." Since there were no other meals available she was forced to pick at her unacceptable meal, all the while explaining all the foods she "can't" eat since she is on this "raw foods" diet. And it was a long, long list.
Now, I don't mean to knock anyone who is vegetarian or vegan, but it seems to me that a more accurate word for her situation is not "I can't eat this" but "I won't eat this." There are quite a few hungry people outside the window of that club who would die to eat a meal as wonderful as this. You won't get food like this at the homeless shelter and you won't get it at the food pantry either. When I think of all the work the chef put into making that meal an experience, this woman's reaction was downright rude. And in some cultures it would be considered an unforgiveable slight against the host.
Thank God I was not brought up with that kind of attitude towards food. When you don't have a lot of money to spend on food, you learn to appreciate the rare gourmet meal. You don't pick at your food and push it aside just because you have decided you will only eat certain things. That's a luxury for people who have money and can make those choices. I actually felt sorry for her but then I remembered it was her choice to reject the meal. Now, it would be different if she had a medical condition and truly could not eat certain things but it was obvious from what she said that this was not the case. She chose not to eat. Yes, the chef should have provided a vegan entry (apparently one was requested). But judging from the list of things she said she "could not eat" as part of this diet, I doubt very much he could have made a meal that she could have eaten.
In his book "Real Stew", Clifford Wright explains that the reason he included meat in the chapter "Stews with Vegetables" is that these recipes come from regions where there has been a lot of poverty and meat is scarce, so when it is available it is used sparingly, to flavor the stew. "There are very few vegetarians in traditional societies," he says. "Vegetarianism has been an ethical choice historically made by members of relatively prosperous populations." (my italics) It's a sign of affluence. My tablemate could be picky about her food because she could afford to be picky. It was, in a way, almost a status thing. Though she would probably deny it, with every push to the side of her plate she was signaling, "Look at me, I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I don't have to worry about being hungry. I can refuse this food now--especially a gourmet meal like this--because my needs are met."
And refuse it she did--even the dessert. But I can attest, it was all very delicious and I for one enjoyed every bite, without one shred of guilt.
Last night I went to a Christmas party with my women's professional group. It was at an exclusive club downtown in an old Victorian mansion. The kind where you have to be invited to set foot in. Not for the likes of people like me. But since I was dressed appropriately for the occasion they let me in without inquiring about my background. See, I do know how to blend in with my "betters."
While we were waiting for dinner my tablemates all made conversation about things like taking cruises, trips to Europe, that sort of thing. Meanwhile, I am in the situation of not knowing if I am going to have to move and if so, where can I afford to move to? What does one say in such situations? It's hard enough to make small talk but when it is assumed and taken for granted that everyone at the table is similarly well-off--and these are not rich people, not by a long shot--what do you say? When a major trip is going 30-40 miles to a nearby town?
Then the meal came. Apparently one of the women is on a vegan diet and the kitchen messed up her order. She said, looking at her chicken and pasta in cream sauce, "I can't eat this." Since there were no other meals available she was forced to pick at her unacceptable meal, all the while explaining all the foods she "can't" eat since she is on this "raw foods" diet. And it was a long, long list.
Now, I don't mean to knock anyone who is vegetarian or vegan, but it seems to me that a more accurate word for her situation is not "I can't eat this" but "I won't eat this." There are quite a few hungry people outside the window of that club who would die to eat a meal as wonderful as this. You won't get food like this at the homeless shelter and you won't get it at the food pantry either. When I think of all the work the chef put into making that meal an experience, this woman's reaction was downright rude. And in some cultures it would be considered an unforgiveable slight against the host.
Thank God I was not brought up with that kind of attitude towards food. When you don't have a lot of money to spend on food, you learn to appreciate the rare gourmet meal. You don't pick at your food and push it aside just because you have decided you will only eat certain things. That's a luxury for people who have money and can make those choices. I actually felt sorry for her but then I remembered it was her choice to reject the meal. Now, it would be different if she had a medical condition and truly could not eat certain things but it was obvious from what she said that this was not the case. She chose not to eat. Yes, the chef should have provided a vegan entry (apparently one was requested). But judging from the list of things she said she "could not eat" as part of this diet, I doubt very much he could have made a meal that she could have eaten.
In his book "Real Stew", Clifford Wright explains that the reason he included meat in the chapter "Stews with Vegetables" is that these recipes come from regions where there has been a lot of poverty and meat is scarce, so when it is available it is used sparingly, to flavor the stew. "There are very few vegetarians in traditional societies," he says. "Vegetarianism has been an ethical choice historically made by members of relatively prosperous populations." (my italics) It's a sign of affluence. My tablemate could be picky about her food because she could afford to be picky. It was, in a way, almost a status thing. Though she would probably deny it, with every push to the side of her plate she was signaling, "Look at me, I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I don't have to worry about being hungry. I can refuse this food now--especially a gourmet meal like this--because my needs are met."
And refuse it she did--even the dessert. But I can attest, it was all very delicious and I for one enjoyed every bite, without one shred of guilt.
