A LIST OF CELEBRITIES I HATE
By Timothy Goodwin
1. Jay Z
This man is an illiterate fool who will do anything for money. And yet he has all the other rappers on his side. WHY GOD WHY?
(see Reasons Why I Hate Jay Z)
2. LMFAO
These boys are lame and unoriginal. And they shamelessly ripped off "Thriller" by Michael Jackson in one of their songs. The bassline is exactly the same. Also, don't call yourself a rock band. You don't play instruments. You don't growl when you sing and Adam Levine is more of a man than you two are. A six year old could rap better than you do! That is all...
3. Chris Brown
What twisted message are you trying to send to us, mate? Beat up a woman and as long as you can sing, she'll still love you? I don't know what this world is coming to...
4. Rihanna
For taking HIM back and releasing almost every song on her albums as a single.
5. Bobcat Goldthwaite
This guy should be at the top of the list! He did some quirky weird movies, and even had a bit part in Disney's Hercules.
Then he did World's Greatest Dad. That movie made me want to kill myself, believing "more people will like me when I'm dead". His portrayal of teenagers was really incorrect. Sure, a lot of teenage boys look at porn but not like Kyle does in that movie! There are two sides to every story. Most of these "perverted boys" are just confused and geeky guys who haven't figured out how to woo women yet. That's how I was in high school. You sir, are an asshole. You give teenagers a bad name. And thank you sincerely for bringing up all the old wounds, you bastard!
6. The Black Eyed Peas
They sold out to dance music. They had an amazing flow, leaving other rappers beaten and broken in the mud. Then in 2003, they went mainstream with the Elephunk album. The band began to focus on Fergie and her lovely lady lumps- the rest is history. I hate the way the music industry works now. Bring out the worst P.O.S and you can still have a hit as long as some whore shakes her ass!
7. Michelle Williams
I swear you are the devil. Why did you kick poor Heath out? No one even knew who you were until AFTER he died! Screw you, I'm not paying 20 bucks to see you impersonate Marilyn Monroe. A smurf could do that ten times better than you could. And furthermore, a smurf would have a lot more emotional depth than you did! If you didn't kick him out, maybe he wouldn't have overdosed! Maybe we could have seen him again in The Dark Knight Rises! You greedy *****...
8. Madonna
Kicking a baby in your latest music video. For shame!
9. Daniel Craig
You made the suave, super-cool, sophisticated secret agent boring and pathetic. Skyfall had better be bloody good mate, or I'm just going to give up on Bond altogether! Even George Lazenby did better than you do!
10. Tim Allen
"Tim Allen did The Santa Clause the first time with enthusiasm, the second time with affection and the third time for a pay check."
-Eric D. Snider
11. Ben Stiller
This guy shows up in everything now. He was cool for a while but now he's just getting old. And he always talks about New Friggin' York. Yes, it's a great city. But where else have you been? His voice really grates on you and his English accent is way way off.
12. Robin Williams
You were a legend in my book until you did Bicentennial Man. Now you're like Jack Nicholson, a pop icon who is more tolerated than loved. You need to RETIRE!
13. Figgkidd (Aussie rapper)
A relatively unknown rapper who tried to emulate Eminem's success by cussing out his parents and using an American accent. Didn't work for me either. If I were you, FIGGKIDD, I would accept that music is not for me, apologise to my parents and go back to the grocery store they found you in!
14. Hilltop Hoods (Aussie rap group)
Most of the time they're pretty cool. But they're smug. They sound British, not Australlan. And when I heard a girl I liked in high school proposed to MC Suffa during one of their concerts, a wave of jealousy and anger washed over me. I saw them sneering on a magazine at the cafe near my office and nearly broke down.
15. Eddie Izzard
Dude, Koalas do NOT have British accents. That is all...
16. Liam Lynch
Ok, so he did the Tribute video. And his Fake Songs album was kickass! He did a lot of work with Tenacious D. But then, drunk with power, he deleted most of the good scenes from The Pick Of Destiny. The film felt rushed and incomplete, and even "The Government Totally Sucks" was axed. For almost killing my favourite band? You deserve to be hated.
17. Cameron Diaz
Cameron, you are too old and too thin. Please go back to the dinghy street corner you were working on BEFORE you started acting. We know you don't want to get married, we know you want to stay young forever and that is fine. Just stop with the movies and everything- it's just awful!
18. Dreamworks
Really? Alll these dirty jokes in kids movies? Not very subtle! The Muppets do it better!
19. The Walt Disney Company
For convincing idiots like me that you can get the girl by lying, cheating, smiling blankly, singing incessantly and fighting people twice your size? Walt Disney must be spinning in his grave!
20. The DOUCHEBAGS who ruined Gulliver's Travels by modernising it!
You could have had a massive hit. When I heard Jack Black was filming Gulliver in London, I thought they we had a classic on our hands. We didn't. Instead we had an idiot lying about how great he was. Jack, you have played that role a million bloody times! You could have been THE best actor to ever play Gulliver. Instead you sold out to Hollywood. Again. And as a result, I lost all faith in you... until you played in Perth with Tenacious D and the Foo Fighters.
CONCLUSION
So there you have it. All the celebrities I hate. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. That's all I have to share right now. Have a nice day- Tim Goodwin
By Timothy Goodwin
1. Jay Z
This man is an illiterate fool who will do anything for money. And yet he has all the other rappers on his side. WHY GOD WHY?
(see Reasons Why I Hate Jay Z)
2. LMFAO
These boys are lame and unoriginal. And they shamelessly ripped off "Thriller" by Michael Jackson in one of their songs. The bassline is exactly the same. Also, don't call yourself a rock band. You don't play instruments. You don't growl when you sing and Adam Levine is more of a man than you two are. A six year old could rap better than you do! That is all...
3. Chris Brown
What twisted message are you trying to send to us, mate? Beat up a woman and as long as you can sing, she'll still love you? I don't know what this world is coming to...
4. Rihanna
For taking HIM back and releasing almost every song on her albums as a single.
5. Bobcat Goldthwaite
This guy should be at the top of the list! He did some quirky weird movies, and even had a bit part in Disney's Hercules.
Then he did World's Greatest Dad. That movie made me want to kill myself, believing "more people will like me when I'm dead". His portrayal of teenagers was really incorrect. Sure, a lot of teenage boys look at porn but not like Kyle does in that movie! There are two sides to every story. Most of these "perverted boys" are just confused and geeky guys who haven't figured out how to woo women yet. That's how I was in high school. You sir, are an asshole. You give teenagers a bad name. And thank you sincerely for bringing up all the old wounds, you bastard!
6. The Black Eyed Peas
They sold out to dance music. They had an amazing flow, leaving other rappers beaten and broken in the mud. Then in 2003, they went mainstream with the Elephunk album. The band began to focus on Fergie and her lovely lady lumps- the rest is history. I hate the way the music industry works now. Bring out the worst P.O.S and you can still have a hit as long as some whore shakes her ass!
7. Michelle Williams
I swear you are the devil. Why did you kick poor Heath out? No one even knew who you were until AFTER he died! Screw you, I'm not paying 20 bucks to see you impersonate Marilyn Monroe. A smurf could do that ten times better than you could. And furthermore, a smurf would have a lot more emotional depth than you did! If you didn't kick him out, maybe he wouldn't have overdosed! Maybe we could have seen him again in The Dark Knight Rises! You greedy *****...
8. Madonna
Kicking a baby in your latest music video. For shame!
9. Daniel Craig
You made the suave, super-cool, sophisticated secret agent boring and pathetic. Skyfall had better be bloody good mate, or I'm just going to give up on Bond altogether! Even George Lazenby did better than you do!
10. Tim Allen
"Tim Allen did The Santa Clause the first time with enthusiasm, the second time with affection and the third time for a pay check."
-Eric D. Snider
11. Ben Stiller
This guy shows up in everything now. He was cool for a while but now he's just getting old. And he always talks about New Friggin' York. Yes, it's a great city. But where else have you been? His voice really grates on you and his English accent is way way off.
12. Robin Williams
You were a legend in my book until you did Bicentennial Man. Now you're like Jack Nicholson, a pop icon who is more tolerated than loved. You need to RETIRE!
13. Figgkidd (Aussie rapper)
A relatively unknown rapper who tried to emulate Eminem's success by cussing out his parents and using an American accent. Didn't work for me either. If I were you, FIGGKIDD, I would accept that music is not for me, apologise to my parents and go back to the grocery store they found you in!
14. Hilltop Hoods (Aussie rap group)
Most of the time they're pretty cool. But they're smug. They sound British, not Australlan. And when I heard a girl I liked in high school proposed to MC Suffa during one of their concerts, a wave of jealousy and anger washed over me. I saw them sneering on a magazine at the cafe near my office and nearly broke down.
15. Eddie Izzard
Dude, Koalas do NOT have British accents. That is all...
16. Liam Lynch
Ok, so he did the Tribute video. And his Fake Songs album was kickass! He did a lot of work with Tenacious D. But then, drunk with power, he deleted most of the good scenes from The Pick Of Destiny. The film felt rushed and incomplete, and even "The Government Totally Sucks" was axed. For almost killing my favourite band? You deserve to be hated.
17. Cameron Diaz
Cameron, you are too old and too thin. Please go back to the dinghy street corner you were working on BEFORE you started acting. We know you don't want to get married, we know you want to stay young forever and that is fine. Just stop with the movies and everything- it's just awful!
18. Dreamworks
Really? Alll these dirty jokes in kids movies? Not very subtle! The Muppets do it better!
19. The Walt Disney Company
For convincing idiots like me that you can get the girl by lying, cheating, smiling blankly, singing incessantly and fighting people twice your size? Walt Disney must be spinning in his grave!
20. The DOUCHEBAGS who ruined Gulliver's Travels by modernising it!
You could have had a massive hit. When I heard Jack Black was filming Gulliver in London, I thought they we had a classic on our hands. We didn't. Instead we had an idiot lying about how great he was. Jack, you have played that role a million bloody times! You could have been THE best actor to ever play Gulliver. Instead you sold out to Hollywood. Again. And as a result, I lost all faith in you... until you played in Perth with Tenacious D and the Foo Fighters.
CONCLUSION
So there you have it. All the celebrities I hate. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. That's all I have to share right now. Have a nice day- Tim Goodwin
