You don't want to hear this.....

[Aspychata]

Why do we always focus on the negative????
Like we can't step outside of ourselves and see the bigger picture? Is it black and white thinking? Is it being anxiety based? Is it being feeling excluded in general? Have you noticed your ability to write everything off to ND? Please step back and realized everybody struggles. I am apologizing if l triggered anybody with this post. I do not wish to trivialize your black worm hole you are struggling with. Peace. And happy holidays....

 

[AO1501]

I'm not sure the premise is entirely right, that we 'always focus on the negative'.

From my standpoint and experience, I know I find it hard or next to impossible to 'step outside myself' because I lack empathy, and I have nothing which apparently is close to the skill to 'imagine', so who I am and what I am, what is happening to me and around me, is really all I can know.

But that doesn't at all mean it is negative. In fact quite the opposite, because knowing I have these limitations, even before my diagnosis, led me to study psychology and behavioral sciences looking for answers, and what I learned doing this and applying what I was discovering in the process has made me a far better 'me' than I was.

For example, I know as a consequence that as you say, everybody struggles, and it is really only a question of how that differs between each of us. Likewise, that we all have strengths and capabilities which are unique and invaluable, and which can make a positive difference and impact on those around us.

Even my ND limitations can be great benefits too. The lack of imagination gives me a way to view strategic problems and focus on pathways towards solving them.

I see where I am on the spectrum as an opportunity. I know many are less fortunate, but that's as equally true of NTs too.

 

[Aspychata]

This is to open up conversation and do a mental checklist of ourselves.

 

[Judge]

It is quite often to think of how easily I can contemplate worse-case-scenario that isn't necessarily appropriate or applicable. WAY too often...and not always easy to use rationale and logic to conclude that it's an emotional response that isn't mathematically likely.

I can work the problem, but I can't stop the same scenario from happening again. Maddening....

 

[Aspychata]

You aren't alone @Judge . Thanks for having the gall, the guts, and the audacity to even admit this. Hey, you are alright! Happy holidays Judge.

 

[Judge]

You aren't alone @Judge . Thanks for having the gall, the guts, and the audacity to even admit this. Hey, you are all right!

No guts required. Just getting old and don't care what most people think of me.

But it is a serious issue to me. Anything that I can clearly identify and rationalize yet cannot seem to do anything about scares the hell out of me at times. Including giving CBT a shot for my OCD that yielded no real improvements.

 

[Au Naturel]

It's true. Probably 3/4 of the posts on the forum are negative. How hard life is, how cruel other people are. Most posts here are from people looking for support. When people are feeling okay, they probably don't feel a need for support and don't post.

If you visit a thread about a special interest that participants enjoy, you get mostly upbeat posts. See the gadget I made? See the thing I did? You see threads involving art or photography or games. There is always a risk - real or imagined - of getting a negative reaction. That risk will tend to discourage upbeat posts about offbeat interests.

 

[Au Naturel]

No guts required. Just getting old and don't care what most people think of me.

But it is a serious issue to me. Anything that I can clearly identify and rationalize yet cannot seem to do anything about scares the hell out of me at times. Including giving CBT a shot for my OCD that yielded no real improvements.

Over the years I have coerced myself into adopting the attitude that if I can do nothing about something then it doesn't matter. Change what I can, accept what I cannot, and try to know the difference.

It isn't easy and is still very much a work in progress. But I've got to admit it's getting better.

 

[Aspychata]

Thank you @Au Naturel and @Judge . It's hard to look at ourselves.

 

[Metalhead]

I have a roof over my head, my bills are all paid, I have food in my kitchen, I have clean drinking water. I am so better off than billions of other people are. I have to remember that.

 

[Cryptid]

Why do "we" always focus on the negative? Because saying positive things about one's self -- even once -- can be misconstrued as bragging.

Paradoxically, focusing solely on the negative aspects of one's life attracts attention, compliments, and even encouragement from others -- probably why some people seem to always have something to complain about.

 

[Neri]

I wanted to put up a article about negativity bias that my psych gave me, but alas I have almost non existent digital skills and I can't figure out how to attach the file.
However, the article did have a link to a youtube vid, I think, by the same person so I'm posting it here.

 

[Misery]

It is quite often to think of how easily I can contemplate worse-case-scenario that isn't necessarily appropriate or applicable. WAY too often...and not always easy to use rationale and logic to conclude that it's an emotional response that isn't mathematically likely.

I can work the problem, but I can't stop the same scenario from happening again. Maddening....

Gotta say, I sympathize. I do this all the time. ALL the time. Something going on? I'll find a reason to be scared of it. Every bloody time.

Lately I'm really trying hard to NOT do that. Instead of magnifying the negative, I'm doing my best to just be and think positive. And stay away from things like the news, or just other sources of general unpleasantness. And replace that with good things instead.

Why do "we" always focus on the negative? Because saying positive things about one's self -- even once -- can be misconstrued as bragging.

I dont know about everyone else, but this bugs the heck outta me. I honestly think that a lot of people's mental health could be improved by just... really, letting themselves "brag" a bit, if it really must be called that.

Recently I've started just letting myself do that from time to time. And ya know what, if others dont like it, well... bloody tough. I'm tired of letting the opinions of others control me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Why do we always focus on the negative????
Like we can't step outside of ourselves and see the bigger picture? Is it black and white thinking? Is it being anxiety based? Is it being feeling excluded in general? Have you noticed your ability to write everything off to ND? Please step back and realized everybody struggles. I am apologizing if l triggered anybody with this post. I do not wish to trivialize your black worm hole you are struggling with. Peace. And happy holidays....

Well, this is less likely to do with autism, per se, but more human nature. The media certainly takes advantage of this psychological phenomenon, "If it bleeds, it reads". If someone does good in the world, the media rarely covers it, but the media will spend 80% of their news coverage on the daily death toll, who's going to court, which politician was caught in some wrongdoing, which diseases are going to kill us next, etc. However, more to your point, autistics, as a group, are likely more sensitive to this due to the underlying physiology of low dopamine. We are typically more likely to get triggered into a depressive state, and our attitude towards everything is more likely to be negative. "The glass half empty" sort of mindset. We are more likely to not have friends giving positive feedback and engaging in laughter.

Not being able to see the bigger picture, a lack of perspective, as it were, can contribute. If all you see is your own poor, pathetic, situation, you might not be paying attention to all the positivity around you. Black and white thinking can contribute if you're not able to appreciate the grey areas where some good is better than no good, a little evil is better than pure evil. Anxieties and fears of change and the unknown, not being able to control the situation, certainly can lead to some irrational negativity.

Everything cannot be written off as "ND" because some neurodiverse people are rather quite the opposite, blissfully and ignorantly positive.

 

[MNAus]

I tend towards catastrophising and black/white thinking. For me it's like a pulled thread: once it's there, it's just going to unravel the whole garment. As far as I can tell it's caused by a couple of things.
1. I hear emotions too loudly. Not that I'm sentimental or anything, but negative emotions just come in too hot. I've sat in the movies with my daughter watching some pixar movie and sobbed loud enough for the whole theatre to hear. I don't give a crap about the character (which IIRC was a flame girl) it's reflexive from emotions being too loud. So I avoid that like the plague. I wince when people are angry. I hunch my shoulders if I see someone eating alone. Not emotional response, just physical, like someone riding past on a loud motorbike. That avoidance means I spot future hazards and plan around them or to mitigate them.
2. I like patterns. I like meta patterns. I see patterns in all. Including portents and omens. Don't like them as much. I know they're not set in stone but I can feel the touch of possible futures crystallising in huge webs of cause and effect, connecting me to them. That scares me. They don't feel vague, they feel very real. And i lost the belief in connections to happy futures. So I only have the icy tentacles of bad outcomes reaching back to me from possible futures. I believe in myself, but I don't believe in humanity, and as proud as I am of all i achieved, I don't believe I'm up to the job of protecting myself from humans.

 

[AO1501]

Well, this is less likely to do with autism, per se, but more human nature.

I really do think this is true. I'm a member of a community of people who are almost entirely NTs, and much of their communication is about how things go or have gone wrong. Or their frustrations and disappointments. The tone is so negative that it feeds on itself.

Whoever it was that said misery loves company wasn't just taking about us.

 

[Dagan]

I don't think that I focus on negatives, rather I just don't ignore them like so many choose to. I accept reality and then face it, remedy it, etc. I will point out these things that need to be fixed, though, so I guess it can be perceived as just being someone who is always speaking on negatives. Oops.

 

[Progster]

Guilty as charged; I tend to overthink things, and as I have continuous background anxiety, I tend to imagine worst case scenarios a lot more than best case scenarios.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Why do we always focus on the negative????
Like we can't step outside of ourselves and see the bigger picture? Is it black and white thinking? Is it being anxiety based? Is it being feeling excluded in general? Have you noticed your ability to write everything off to ND? Please step back and realized everybody struggles. I am apologizing if l triggered anybody with this post. I do not wish to trivialize your black worm hole you are struggling with. Peace. And happy holidays....

I struggle to understand why people focus on the negative too much but also know pain.
Do I think everyone struggles...well I think yes everyone has some struggles but you would have to ask each person what their life is like. Some people might feel loved by their families etc they might have good relationships where their parents have loved and supported them best they can. So I think maybe it is a lie to say everyone has childhood trauma etc because it probably is not true.

Why those people do not love idk...
Maybe they take it for granted
And people who aren't very loved, love more because they know what it is like to be abused and feel lonely if they have experienced it themselves and do not want to make others feel like that. Those people are brave and inspiring but some people well it could make them mean.
But on terms of positivity.
I like keeping my mindset positive
And used to be a lot more positive before I used social media.
I used to think about positive and good situations in a crisis.
I used to try to look at the bright side. Sometimes I was like is everyone like this really filled with problems and so thick with negativity and downcast but then I remembered that is only one section of the world and the world is a big place.
It is like the saying I had on my fridge when it is raining look for rainbows.
Look on the sunny side of the street.
You know I always tried to think of optimistic sayings in my head.

I think I had down days because there is no such thing as toxic positivity..I do not believe in that and everyone has dark days and days they do not want to function and crawl in a hole.
Buy lately too as hard as it is I do try to cling to truths and dreams but sometimes the understanding of my feelings and illness in me gets a lot bigger than my positivity or what I can cope with.
I always have tried to have the habit to cling to threads of positivity or hopes or dreams
But it has been hard lately because my feelings are big and i have to persist with it each single day despite distressing and violating feelings that seem overwhelming.
Anf I have other conditions too like bpd and cptsd.
When I sleep well my beautiful dreams were coming back.
God gives me signs too but honestly ....
I struggle to understand them when it had been so long since I could do the things He says
And my paranoia is really big as well as seems like a huge leap of faith for me
And I feel frightened and scared to take such a huge leap when feelings are big and so much unknown and may get worse before it gets better I think....

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

You know I catastrophise too and worry a lot about things especially with bad mental health and illness..it can be hard.
Happens to anyone.
But I think there is a lot of negativity in the world right now and it gets very strong.
So therefore people can only do the best they can.
I am sorry if I say it like I see it, I just do my best.
I like being positive. But am only human