Wrong Impressions

[Vanilla]

Hi guys

I was wondering if anyone else gets this:

This doesn't happen often, but sometimes I can get a little 'too excited' about a topic of conversation. It can happen when other people talk to me, and their topic of conversation really 'speaks to me', or when I get an idea in to my head, and decide to speak with those who could potentially provide me with the answers I seek.

Generally speaking, I get quite interested in the idea, that I end up picking it to death, by questioning every aspect I can think of. A lot of people can find this behaviour a little odd, or unsettling I've found, and often look at me as though I'm up to something.

Sometimes being interested makes them wonder if I'm trying to 'work behind the scenes', when really I'm just curious. Otherwise, they'll assume that I'm simply trying to find an excuse to talk to them; like I'm 'interested' in them in a romantic sense...it can get me in to trouble, haha. Apparently simply being interested isn't motive enough

 

[wyverary]

As Aspies, we are all about sending the wrong social cues. I do the same thing, sometimes, when I find a particular topic interesting and try to pick the person's brain to death. I couldn't possibly say whether it has been interpreted as any sort of flirting, because I tend to be rather oblivious when it comes to such things, nor do I notice if they are suspecting any sort of ulterior motive. I like to think that they aren't, because, to me, that seems unreasonable and unlikely...but who knows?

 

[Turk]

Hmmmm yes, this sounds a little familiar. I sometimes get so hell bent on helping, im like a fighter pilot going in for the kill. Fortunately Im getting better at ejecting and pulling the ripcord, before getting shot down by the alterior motive look. Its an ever present danger for me. Im always looking for a self esteem fix and helping, gives me that. Sometimes I behave in an unhealthy way for possible healthy gains for myself. Kinda scewed up really, now ive seen it written. Haha

 

[Vanilla]

Hmmmm yes, this sounds a little familiar. I sometimes get so hell bent on helping, im like a fighter pilot going in for the kill. Fortunately Im getting better at ejecting and pulling the ripcord, before getting shot down by the alterior motive look. Its an ever present danger for me. Im always looking for a self esteem fix and helping, gives me that. Sometimes I behave in an unhealthy way for possible healthy gains for myself. Kinda scewed up really, now ive seen it written. Haha

I know exactly what you mean!

 

[Judge]

Sometimes being interested makes them wonder if I'm trying to 'work behind the scenes', when really I'm just curious. Otherwise, they'll assume that I'm simply trying to find an excuse to talk to them; like I'm 'interested' in them in a romantic sense...it can get me in to trouble, haha. Apparently simply being interested isn't motive enough

I think you have a point, but then this really reflects on someone elses potentially inflated ego rather than your genuine curiosity. God forbid someone should simply be curious about something. It MUST be something else! Oh my...is this how the NT mind works? Forever confusing to me...

 

[Archer36]

Maybe I built some self control over the years .. but I regularly get into a topic that I really like and I'm very intense about it.

One recent example that comes to my mind, I was searching the cause of several physical issues I had and I found out about the high fat diets (like paleo and primal, that kind of stuff) ... So I read some book and learned and tried it and it worked great for me. But at the beginning, I was so passionate about it and the results I was experiencing that i really wanted to talk about it. Quickly realized most of people thought I was just insane and I quickly annoyed them. But at some point ... I found a guy at work that tried a similar diet and he got similar amazing results ... I found myself in his office aaaall the time to talk about it ... i wanted to know everything he thought about that .. i wanted to compare what he was doing with what i was doing. I think he tolerated me for a while cause he is a nice guy and he was, I think, happy to have someone to talk about it too.

But yeah .. It wasn't pretty ... It took some serious efforts to refrain myself to go talk to him about this. But I can't tell what he thinks of me. Hopefully I stopped in time.

I always do that when i get into something that passionate me. I kind of lose control.

 

[Sparticus]

That just happened to me yesterday. I was visiting an acquaintaince who owns a business-he's always acted very sociable towards me. I've known him for 15 years on a professional level though I only see him once in awhile. He's from India [where I live it is like the United Nations] and in the past we talked briefly about India [he recently vacationed there.] I used to work for an Indian company and like their culture/food/people.

I had just watched a documentary about the history of India. I was so excited that when I saw him I asked about 5 or so questions in a row. He only had 1 customer in this short time but then suddenly he stepped backwards? I figured it was time to end my questioning as he also mumbled something to his brother.

I felt as if I had broken some unspoken social boundary...plus I miscommunicated and while I had initially asked about the Moguls [Muslims who tried to bring Hinduism and Muslim religion more together] I moved on to other topics of Indian history. But he continued to talk about the Moguls..."they were mainly Muslims..." and I thought perhaps I had insulted him since he is Hindu.

I still get too excited sometimes...but on the other hand, most humans have little passion for life. In fact you can accurately say many Americans are not in touch with their souls and are akin to walking around asleep on their feet.

So is it really us who are too passionate/too excited? Or the opposite-most people are just boring empty vessels?

 

[nowwhat]

Given aspies' pattern recognition capabilities, I sometimes disregard the superficial aspects of whatever is being discussed, viewing the subject matter instead, as a manifestation of a deeper or common pattern or sort of relationship. My tendency to become excited and expound on the subject at hand,from this viewpoint, is usually a complete train wreck. I forget how very unique my way of seeing and thinking of things is, and often start talking about something specific that only I consider related, or introduce some abstract concept into the conversation, which leaves others even more mystified as to where I'm going with it. At the very least, this is a jarring non-sequitur, at worst, they think I'm completely nuts. Of course, attempts to explain myself only dig the hole deeper. I am always grateful and relieved when someone gets where I'm going with such comments. Rare.

I only have a couple of friends that I can converse with in this manner, which is really how I think and experience the universe. When I finally get some time with them, I tend to gush and overwhelm them. So, the rest of the time, I'm bored and faking it. And rather pent up.

And, in general, I don't bother with small talk and ritualized social utterances, so if I'm talking about anything, it's a good bet I'm feeling strongly about it. If I didn't care, why would I comment?

 

[S0093679]

Ah yes! Nowadays I tend to mostly listen in conversations (which takes effort!) because I get so fed up of peoples' responses to my talking lol

 

[Judge]

Yes, yes and yes. Apparently it's a social taboo to be openly passionate about something. Anything!

Well....too freakin bad. If I am enthusiastic about something, I'm not going to water it down to appease someone. Anyone!

 

[danielcollins]

And, in general, I don't bother with small talk and ritualized social utterances, so if I'm talking about anything, it's a good bet I'm feeling strongly about it. If I didn't care, why would I comment?

I totally hear this, I hate small talk it just makes me cringe and think "Well, why are you asking.. you don't really care what I'm up to this weekend do you? or the weather?"

I do this too, I'll drill very deep into a subject that's being discussed and either ask some really in depth questions or question someone's statement and it becomes apparent they haven't thought it through very well. One of my all time hated feelings is when you put your foot in it, my god my foot I swear it lives in my mouth some times.

Sometimes struggle finding someone to communicate with that I can have any length of passion with, because it's always to a finite level which never seems to be enough.

Can't think of anything worse than the feeling of putting your foot in it, it's like self-embarrassment - I did it on Friday, I had a date over and he said something negative and I accidentally reinforced it? didn't realise what I had done until it was too late

Telling stories are difficult one, I used to forget they need to be kept short otherwise peoples attention span veers off and I spend 10m+ explaining something (I think if I cut detail out it negates the quality of the story) and then you get cut into by a change of subject or the waiter coming at the
restaurant.

What is quite painful is I like discussing the AS topic with people but because of my attention span I often don't, find it hard reading large blocks of text