When you were a kid/teenager, did people think . . .

[. . .]

When you were a kid/teenager, did people think you wouldn't amount to anything in life?

 

[alien girl]

my parents did. my father's friend asked him, "so, what are your kids like?" and my father answered about my sister and my brother, and then the friend asked him, "and what about your middle daughter?" and my father said i let life go in one direction and i go the next. they saw me and knew i heard every word...
my mother told me when i was a teen, "You're lucky you've got a face, so someone will marry you and support you." all right, she's only said it once, but still...
i was told by family members and my parents to always see what others are doing and imitate them indecriminately. society just ignored me and i was invisible. my parents didnt give a damn that i never did my homework and my grades were low.

 

[Gomendosi]

Yes, I was actively told that I wouldn’t amount to anything; however, it is possible to reverse negative thought processes that you are forced into at an early age.
Just not in my case ; ]

 

[King_Oni]

I wouldn't say "nothing" but people told me that I'd probably achieve weird things and not go the "normal" route to make my mark.

That being said; as a teen in school I kinda went in the yearbook as "person most likely to end up a serial killer". Well, proverbial, cause we don't have actual yearbooks, but that apparently was what people thought of me. So no, it wasn't that I'd never achieve anything, but probably just under questionable circumstances. I was never good at arts causing the idea of "he might be an artist of sorts" never occured to anyone. I blame the type of assignments, not artistic quality nor integrity.

As a kid, I was way to occupied in my own world where they thought "you either have to come out and make something of it or stay in there and achieve nothing".

My parents always thought I'd be good with computers and would and should end up as a programmer of sorts, but the truth is they don't know **** about it, so they have no understanding that the things I do on a computer are just casual use for someone my age (and it wasn't that far off when I was a teen either).

Somehow I think I can or even have already achieved more than my parents, but that's a matter of perspective.

For one; I at least finished high school, which neither of my parents did. My parents do make that up for having held jobs for decades, which is a high bar to pass. My parents "own" a house (mortgage and all, but at least they have a house they can somewhat call theirs) and I'm still living under their roof. So, achieving something in the sense of social succes, I fail pretty hard, cause I have no own house, nor a job. I don't own a drivers license (nor a car). And those are some measures of social succes that apparently neighbours and vague contacts measure your succes by.

In the sense of personal growth and learning/doing things I like, I think I've achieved more than they ever will; I can work a fair share of mediums in art decently (music, digital illustrations, painting 3d object/miniatures/models, sewing, propbuilding, writing) and I like doing so, in a way. Heck, I've even performed in front of roughly 1500 people once with a band. I'm still proud that I scored a A- on my national philosophy exam (it dealt with human identity and how machines are not humans in that sense). Though I don't care for the A's and B's I did for other tests in general. And in general I'm kinda proud of anything I wrote for college that got an excellent review in general (even though subjects might be frowned upon). I've also been told that I in general write decent blog entries (well, if they're decent up here on AC, I don't know, but people were really interested in my ramblings in the past).

The big question is, if I look at my parents; it looks like they don't have such interests to develop skills in that way, they are fine with turning on the tv and wither away on the couch. How can you measure succes to someone if they don't care about that kind of "succes"?

My parents don't put me down for not doing something "worthwhile" in their opinion though, it just leaves them a bit "cold". I remember showing them an illustration I did a few months ago, and it felt as if it didn't occur to him that I "created" that. They just thought I picked something of internet and told them "do you think this is nice?". With that also comes the realisation where they are not aware that I'm actually doing something with my time instead of playing games all day and/or sleeping.

But if I look at my therapist, she told me that considering how "high" I score on the tests to get diagnosed; I kinda manage fine to motivate myself and get **** done, she was kinda amazed that I could manage all that by myself. So, for what it's worth she's on the "personal development"-ship and she thinks I'm quite rich there.

 

[Alpaca]

My family assumed I was the genius of the family and proceeded to give me no support scholastically, emotionally or socially. My youngest, older brother, who also has AS, seemed to absorb almost all of my families attention. Despite him being a twat of sorts. I love him, but watching my parents waste hours of time and wads of cash trying to make him complacent and motivated, has left me resentful.

Now I live on my own, feed, clothe and support myself. I've held paying jobs since I was 14 and am enrolled in school. So I guess they were right to a point, but that don't mean that I didn't feel alone when I need to feel loved and appreciated the most.

 

[Bay]

I think that my family thought that if I lived to 30, I was intelligent enough to make something of my life. I wasn't sure that I would see 30, myself.

 

[Alpaca]

I think that my family thought that if I lived to 30, I was intelligent enough to make something of my life. I wasn't sure that I would see 30, myself.

I'm still not sure I'll see 30. Of course, part of that is based on the current Geo-political-enviro-societal turmoil thing.
Of course, I didn't think I'd make it this long either.....so there's that.

 

[2010Dolby]

My family always thought that I had a ton of potential, but we both agreed that the problem is I only apply potential to things I like. Fishing, big trucks, fast cars, and building houses. Luckily, I can turn that last one into a very good career if I actually have the discipline to graduate from college :arghh:

 

[King_Oni]

My family always thought that I had a ton of potential, but we both agreed that the problem is I only apply potential to things I like. Fishing, big trucks, fast cars, and building houses. Luckily, I can turn that last one into a very good career if I actually have the discipline to graduate from college :arghh:

This. I am like this now, and as a kid.. maybe so, but less prevalent. I think I do excel in things I care about, and look like I'm really, really, really stupid if it's something I don't care about. That throws people off thinking I'm way below average intelligence cause of awkward social interaction, as well as expressing myself about things people ask me on the spot but I honestly don't know and don't care enough about, whilst other people know I can easily ramble 4 hours about a single subject.

 

[NeverEnder]

My parents had high expectations of me, it seems.

Although I might consider myself somewhat "successful" in areas of my life, I am quite a failure in general. I fear my parents view it this way as well.

 

[kasmanaft08]

I'm not totally sure what people thought of me in that regard, but I know when I was younger many had extremely high expectations. When I got out of school, I don't think people thought anything negative about me in that regard, like i would be a complete failure or something terrible would happen, but more likely I would just have an unusual life. I guess the latter is somewhat accurate, considering my job record and where I've lived. I always wonder what people think, though, who haven't spoken to me in years and see my FB.

 

[. . .]

. . . but more likely I would just have an unusual life.

What's an unusual life for a Texan? Not choosing to become a cowboy/cowgirl?

 

[Arashi222]

Well I don't know what other people other than my father thought. But to him I was a failure. I was stupid. I couldn't be normal enough for him. My teachers would get frustrated with me often in elementry school. I had one teacher who treated me normally who always said to my parents "don't worry she'll learn when she learns". Well my mom believed him and now...Now I have a Master's degree in Social work. But there is still that voice that replays in my mind that says I won't amount to anything.

 

[Alpaca]

Well I don't know what other people other than my father thought. But to him I was a failure. I was stupid. I couldn't be normal enough for him. My teachers would get frustrated with me often in elementry school. I had one teacher who treated me normally who always said to my parents "don't worry she'll learn when she learns". Well my mom believed him and now...Now I have a Master's degree in Social work. But there is still that voice that replays in my mind that says I won't amount to anything.

Hey, way to go! Getting a Masters isn't easy for anybody. And don't worry, haters gonna hate no matter what.

 

[Arashi222]

Hey, way to go! Getting a Masters isn't easy for anybody. And don't worry, haters gonna hate no matter what.

Thanks! Appreciate that. That's what my mom says that I'm smart that not everyone can get a MSW. But I'm sure you have struggled with self esteem too? I think for me it means more in my mind that it was my dad who said it and some teachers. But the one teacher was the one that made me realize I could do anything. And we can. We can all do anything we want to we just have to believe in ourselves and that it will take us longer maybe to do it. Heh You're right! I just have to work on telling the demon voice to shut up. :cute:

 

[Alpaca]

To say that I struggle with self-esteem is an understatement. One of my siblings is borderline sociopathic and my parents have always been anything but intuitive. To anything. Luckily I was blessed with intellect and have been able to think my way to the point I'm at. All in all, I feel more content with my life than I used to. I still hold onto many resentments tho, which isn't healthy. Some I may never let go of, but it is what it is.

Beginning to control bad thoughts has changed my life. Though, sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it until I've agitated myself to the point of a shutdown. For the most part, however, I seem to manage way better than I used to. Now I spend weeks not being depressed as apposed to weeks being depressed.

 

[Arashi222]

To say that I struggle with self-esteem is an understatement. One of my siblings is borderline sociopathic and my parents have always been anything but intuitive. To anything. Luckily I was blessed with intellect and have been able to think my way to the point I'm at. All in all, I feel more content with my life than I used to. I still hold onto many resentments tho, which isn't healthy. Some I may never let go of, but it is what it is.

Beginning to control bad thoughts has changed my life. Though, sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it until I've agitated myself to the point of a shutdown. For the most part, however, I seem to manage way better than I used to. Now I spend weeks not being depressed as apposed to weeks being depressed.

Sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself and how to make it in the world even though there are still things that you hold onto. I think we all do that. There are things that I just don't let go of. I may never let go of some of the things that have happened, but I guess its finding the right place in the world where we fit in and thrive for the most part that means something.

I've struggled with self-esteem too, to the point where sometimes I think it colors my relationships with other girls. Boys I don't seem to have as much of an issue with but...maybe normal girls tend to socialize in a way that I just can't figure out. I wonder if we start to believe the lies people tell us when we're told them often enough?

 

[Studies Shadows]

Its sad that people with autism get lablled and underestimated. My parents thought I was stupid, heck even the school told them I was below avarage ability. No one pushed me because they did not see the point. I have always had low self esteem. Later I got a test that showed I had an IQ of 127 so I am not dumb, I only think I am. Everything I learnt, I self taught after I left school. I know I appear dull still today, that is until people see my designs and artwork. Sometimes its good having people underestimate you, you can find out what kind of person they are when they think they dont have to impress you.

 

[Alpaca]

I've struggled with self-esteem too, to the point where sometimes I think it colors my relationships with other girls. Boys I don't seem to have as much of an issue with but...maybe normal girls tend to socialize in a way that I just can't figure out. I wonder if we start to believe the lies people tell us when we're told them often enough?

I've heard others speak of relating to girls as being more difficult. I'm inclined to agree on the grounds of "I have no freakin clue on how to approach them." What do they talk about? Perfume and Jersey shore? I don't mean to stereotype, but seriously, very rarely do you find a somewhat normal girl who's interests lie in the real of intellectualism.

 

[2010Dolby]

I've struggled with self-esteem too, to the point where sometimes I think it colors my relationships with other girls. Boys I don't seem to have as much of an issue with but...maybe normal girls tend to socialize in a way that I just can't figure out. I wonder if we start to believe the lies people tell us when we're told them often enough?

I have a hard time maintaining friendships with other men but Im really close with a lot of girls. Im not sure why. Maybe its a common aspie trait?