When two people with Asperger flirt

[Lichi]

This is an event that happened before my diagnosis ever came in the picture and I knew practically nothing about Asperger.

I saw an article about a guy with Asperger’s who sued a gym for discrimination and public humiliation and won the case. I jokingly made a silly play on word in the comments section because the guy was very attractive. I didn’t think this man would ever see this. Day after I made the comment and forgot about it I saw that he had replied with an amused emoji. I kept on pulling the humor card and we had a nice little chat in terms of meme exchange right there in the comment section. From all previous experiences I was waiting for him to send me a private message. We had hit it off so well, why didn’t he message me. I waited until the day I was diagnosed.

I realized the day I started reading about ASD that we had simply miscommunicated. We both probably ran out of clues as to what was right to do. Makes me wonder if anyone else has funny little stories like this? I can imagine when two people on the spectrum interact there has to be some humorous situations that may appear.

 

[SusanLR]

I'm interested in a man on the spectrum too.
And I think he is with me.
But, you're right, it is awkward because neither of us
want to say or do anything that might frighten the other away. Words don't come out right sometimes.

We had a texting miscommunication incident too for a couple of weeks not long ago.
Both of our phones indicated our texts were going through normally, but, they weren't.
I wasn't getting his, he wasn't getting mine.
I was getting angry, thinking he was just not answering.
He was afraid I was angry and just not answering.
We have a mutual professional friend.
He went to her and ask if she knew if I was OK and told her we had been texting about get togethers then all of a sudden I had stopped answering his texts.
She told him I was fine as far as she knew.

I know he hardly ever answers his phone because he just prefers texts. So someone had to break the silence.
Even though I felt annoyed, I went to his place to see him in person and found we each were upset, thinking the same about each other.
Just goes to show the old metaphor about Assuming is true.

 

[Bolletje]

Me flirting with another Aspie is usually fast and efficient. When I flirt it's blatantly obvious, so it's not hard for another Aspie to pick up on this. Then they respond either in an interested and disinterested way. If disinterested, flirtation is over. If interested, flirtation continues for as long as both parties are enjoying it, then either progresses to action or fizzles.

 

[onlything]

I am a knucklehead concerning these topics, so unless you hit me with a bludger, I'll stay oblivious

 

[ksheehan88]

I'm interested in a man on the spectrum too.
And I think he is with me.
But, you're right, it is awkward because neither of us
want to say or do anything that might frighten the other away. Words don't come out right sometimes.

We had a texting miscommunication incident too for a couple of weeks not long ago.
Both of our phones indicated our texts were going through normally, but, they weren't.
I wasn't getting his, he wasn't getting mine.
I was getting angry, thinking he was just not answering.
He was afraid I was angry and just not answering.
We have a mutual professional friend.
He went to her and ask if she knew if I was OK and told her we had been texting about get togethers then all of a sudden I had stopped answering his texts.
She told him I was fine as far as she knew.

I know he hardly ever answers his phone because he just prefers texts. So someone had to break the silence.
Even though I felt annoyed, I went to his place to see him in person and found we each were upset, thinking the same about each other.
Just goes to show the old metaphor about Assuming is true.

This happens with me and my aspie friend. One or the other of our networks doesn't send or receive messages properly, so there are times one or the other of us is crawling the walls with anxiety or frustration over the other lol.

 

[Nervous Rex]

@Lichi, that is hilarious! That needs to be a scene in a sit-com.

There were several times as a teen or in college when one or both of my parents told me, "You should have asked her out. She was flirting with you." ... and I had no clue. I'm still not 100% sure what is flirting and what isn't.

Nowadays I don't have to worry about how to flirt. I am more worried about making sure I'm not flirting. Like, one time when my neighbor found out I liked Sudoku puzzles and asked me to show her how to solve them. I brought up my Sudoku app on my phone and started showing her strategies and she sat veryveryvery close to me on the couch. I looked at my wife with an expression that said, "Is this okay?" She didn't look worried, so I decided I shouldn't worry either.

It would still be nice to know where the line is between being friendly and flirting.

 

[Lichi]

@Lichi, that is hilarious! That needs to be a scene in a sit-com.

There were several times as a teen or in college when one or both of my parents told me, "You should have asked her out. She was flirting with you." ... and I had no clue. I'm still not 100% sure what is flirting and what isn't.

Nowadays I don't have to worry about how to flirt. I am more worried about making sure I'm not flirting. Like, one time when my neighbor found out I liked Sudoku puzzles and asked me to show her how to solve them. I brought up my Sudoku app on my phone and started showing her strategies and she sat veryveryvery close to me on the couch. I looked at my wife with an expression that said, "Is this okay?" She didn't look worried, so I decided I shouldn't worry either.

It would still be nice to know where the line is between being friendly and flirting.

I do sometimes narrate my life as a sitcom. If it wasn’t for the lack of being able to hit the punchline with the correct tone of voice I would have been doing stand up... and also the anxiety thing.


In retrospect I do realize to have been accused of flirting with people without being aware of it myself. People see as being flirtatious with the other gender to me are usually the ones who have more friends of the opposite gender. It is a confusion. A lot of the female friends I had stopped talking to me because they thought I was hitting on their dates/boyfriends when I was just being me. Other times I have missed obvious clues as to when guys have been really into me and flirting and I’ve just totally ignored it as them being nice.