cherryq
Well-Known Member
So, I'm new on AC and highly suspect that I have Asperger's or high functioning autism (still trying to figure out the difference). My main question is, what should I expect from an initial appointment in the diagnosis process?
A little about me (okay, it's a lot, sorry!): I did okay in elementary school I guess, though I was always a loner. I've never really had a desire to hang out with other people, even when I feel lonely. I've always found this particularly odd because I know that I should socialize to feel less alone, but the thought just feels too overwhelming. Thank God for forums like this (and texting) where I can actually talk to people without having to speak to them!
Anyway, in high school I started having major problems (much worse than in previous years). These problems probably started to become noticeable in fifth or sixth grade, but they took a turn for the worst when ninth grade got underway. By eleventh grade I was having meltdowns and panic attacks all of the time. I ended up getting social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses from a counselor I was seeing, and my doctor (unofficially) diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For about a year I struggled with self-injury along with meltdowns/panic attacks multiple times a day from the stresses of school---everyone talking through classes, the bright lights, the noise of the cafeteria, the way my chair was warped and therefore didn't feel right when I sat in it, or the constant reminder from my peers that I was "too quiet." I went from being the weird one at school who was a "bookworm" and "really smart" to a daughter at home who would tell in detail about my day at school, but when asked how I was feeling, I would shut down. I didn't know (still don't really know) how to talk about how I felt and therefore didn't want to.
College was even more of a challenge. I didn't have a private room until my final semester (seven semesters with a roommate...the torture!). Luckily two of those years was with a close friend. It was a constant battle to keep the stress down. One year I practically lived in the lounge of a friend's suite (my only friend in college at the time) just so that I could get away from my roommate with her brightly colored everything (sheets, bedspread, microwave, etc.) and blaring television and/or music. The three and a half years that I had a roommate, I wanted so badly to tell them the things that bothered me (note: I had three different roommates in this time frame), but I couldn't bring myself to. It was just too difficult to express my thoughts and feelings on the matter. When I was finally able to afford a private room (keep in mind that I do not have a diagnosis yet, so I could not request accommodations), I had already developed horrible study habits from years of trying to avoid conflict and stressors instead of working hard in school. My GPA doesn't show this, but college was probably as difficult as high school, or worse. I was constantly having meltdowns and would simply zone out of situations. My friend was very concerned about me on many occassions because the combination of zoning out after a meltdown would leave me confused and weak (let's face it, meltdowns leave me feeling like my legs are jello anyway because I've exhausted all of my energy on releasing the built up tension). I also got diagnosed with fibromyalgia during college, which affects the way I process pain (perhaps just another sensory issue from AS or HFA?), making sensory issues seem much worse.
I just graduated with my Bachelor's and will be starting grad school in the fall (scary thought!). I have a job this summer in IT, which is great because there aren't many people to deal with, but also difficult because I still have to call people on the phone, explain my work to coworkers, and receive lots of verbal instruction from my supervisor. I wish verbal communication could come with a constant stream of closed captioning... I often forget to take notes as my supervisor is talking and end up forgetting to do important things during my workday. I was also living with relatives for about a month because I have moved far from home (two states away) and remained stressed in that environment because of their constant desire to talk to me and the continued array of noises in their house (creaking chairs, creaking and popping floors, high-pitched beeping from appliances, etc.). With stress from work and my home environment, I have really dived back inward (college was hard, but I was making some progress socially).
I just moved into a new place (alone) that is not far from where my relatives live (so I'll still have a support system nearby). Moving twice in two months has messed up my routine in major ways and my apartment is currently a wreck. I am still struggling at work and am falling behind more and more each day. I have things to do in preparation for graduate school in the fall, but I cannot focus enough on one task long enough when I am at home to get much accomplished. I have gotten out of the habit of keeping a planner with important date reminders, and my life is becoming a nightmare (I've had friends tell me for about three years now that I may have ADD...another thing to possibly add to the list of diagnoses). My mom says I am losing my verbal skills, and I believe her. I stutter and am at a loss for words when speaking moreso than in the past. I just had the worst meltdown that I've had in at least a year or two, and several smaller ones since (it's been less than two hours). I have had an overwhelming number of small shutdowns and meltdowns, particularly when I get home from work after a really stressful day (which is turning out to be almost every day).
I've been considering the possibility of AS since 11th grade (6 years now), and am finally doing something about it, as it is affecting my life so much more now. I have an appointment next week to discuss the possibility of AS or HFA with a psychologist and don't really know what to expect. The stress of that unknown is weighing heavily on me as next Friday approaches (which is probably part of what triggered my meltdown today). Any suggestions on how I should prepare for this appointment. Thanks so much for listening and thank you in advance for any advice you have to give. Cheers!
A little about me (okay, it's a lot, sorry!): I did okay in elementary school I guess, though I was always a loner. I've never really had a desire to hang out with other people, even when I feel lonely. I've always found this particularly odd because I know that I should socialize to feel less alone, but the thought just feels too overwhelming. Thank God for forums like this (and texting) where I can actually talk to people without having to speak to them!
Anyway, in high school I started having major problems (much worse than in previous years). These problems probably started to become noticeable in fifth or sixth grade, but they took a turn for the worst when ninth grade got underway. By eleventh grade I was having meltdowns and panic attacks all of the time. I ended up getting social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses from a counselor I was seeing, and my doctor (unofficially) diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For about a year I struggled with self-injury along with meltdowns/panic attacks multiple times a day from the stresses of school---everyone talking through classes, the bright lights, the noise of the cafeteria, the way my chair was warped and therefore didn't feel right when I sat in it, or the constant reminder from my peers that I was "too quiet." I went from being the weird one at school who was a "bookworm" and "really smart" to a daughter at home who would tell in detail about my day at school, but when asked how I was feeling, I would shut down. I didn't know (still don't really know) how to talk about how I felt and therefore didn't want to.
College was even more of a challenge. I didn't have a private room until my final semester (seven semesters with a roommate...the torture!). Luckily two of those years was with a close friend. It was a constant battle to keep the stress down. One year I practically lived in the lounge of a friend's suite (my only friend in college at the time) just so that I could get away from my roommate with her brightly colored everything (sheets, bedspread, microwave, etc.) and blaring television and/or music. The three and a half years that I had a roommate, I wanted so badly to tell them the things that bothered me (note: I had three different roommates in this time frame), but I couldn't bring myself to. It was just too difficult to express my thoughts and feelings on the matter. When I was finally able to afford a private room (keep in mind that I do not have a diagnosis yet, so I could not request accommodations), I had already developed horrible study habits from years of trying to avoid conflict and stressors instead of working hard in school. My GPA doesn't show this, but college was probably as difficult as high school, or worse. I was constantly having meltdowns and would simply zone out of situations. My friend was very concerned about me on many occassions because the combination of zoning out after a meltdown would leave me confused and weak (let's face it, meltdowns leave me feeling like my legs are jello anyway because I've exhausted all of my energy on releasing the built up tension). I also got diagnosed with fibromyalgia during college, which affects the way I process pain (perhaps just another sensory issue from AS or HFA?), making sensory issues seem much worse.
I just graduated with my Bachelor's and will be starting grad school in the fall (scary thought!). I have a job this summer in IT, which is great because there aren't many people to deal with, but also difficult because I still have to call people on the phone, explain my work to coworkers, and receive lots of verbal instruction from my supervisor. I wish verbal communication could come with a constant stream of closed captioning... I often forget to take notes as my supervisor is talking and end up forgetting to do important things during my workday. I was also living with relatives for about a month because I have moved far from home (two states away) and remained stressed in that environment because of their constant desire to talk to me and the continued array of noises in their house (creaking chairs, creaking and popping floors, high-pitched beeping from appliances, etc.). With stress from work and my home environment, I have really dived back inward (college was hard, but I was making some progress socially).
I just moved into a new place (alone) that is not far from where my relatives live (so I'll still have a support system nearby). Moving twice in two months has messed up my routine in major ways and my apartment is currently a wreck. I am still struggling at work and am falling behind more and more each day. I have things to do in preparation for graduate school in the fall, but I cannot focus enough on one task long enough when I am at home to get much accomplished. I have gotten out of the habit of keeping a planner with important date reminders, and my life is becoming a nightmare (I've had friends tell me for about three years now that I may have ADD...another thing to possibly add to the list of diagnoses). My mom says I am losing my verbal skills, and I believe her. I stutter and am at a loss for words when speaking moreso than in the past. I just had the worst meltdown that I've had in at least a year or two, and several smaller ones since (it's been less than two hours). I have had an overwhelming number of small shutdowns and meltdowns, particularly when I get home from work after a really stressful day (which is turning out to be almost every day).
I've been considering the possibility of AS since 11th grade (6 years now), and am finally doing something about it, as it is affecting my life so much more now. I have an appointment next week to discuss the possibility of AS or HFA with a psychologist and don't really know what to expect. The stress of that unknown is weighing heavily on me as next Friday approaches (which is probably part of what triggered my meltdown today). Any suggestions on how I should prepare for this appointment. Thanks so much for listening and thank you in advance for any advice you have to give. Cheers!
