Hi all,
One of the reason I got in a relationship with my ND in boyfriend in part is his behaviour with my chronic debilitating illnes.
HOW NT REACT TO CHRONIC OR DIFFICULT ILNESSES
NT's immediately have an emotional reaction, it's normal, seeing your friend, relative in a bad situation with no good prognosis for the future is difficult and obviously stressful. NT don't know what to do with that emotion, they might feel sorry for a person, try to appease, try to give all kinds of advise, or not react at all and minimize the information, or abruptly change the subject. On the long run, NT don't include it in the future conversations, or activities with a chronically I'll person.
As a result I have to go along, never mention the condition, pretend all is OK, or blame it on the weather ( not a metaphor), stress, seasonal virus... or anything that it's not going to disturb NT.
My friend who had cancer, told me that many cancer patients hide it for the very reason. It's just too much to take care of NT's emotional charge. I hope i illustrated the situation.
WITH MY ND PARTNER
1. at first he didn't have much of reaction but he did ask me some questions.
2. As the time was passing i would tell him of new symptoms as they would come, he didn't have much( any) emotional reaction.
3. BUT he computed in the information, and all of it, so if he saw me not good looking he would get very disturbed, started buying me food, and asking "what do I need to feel better."
4. He would observe my face and behaviour and tell me :- you look awful.
5. If I say something that is a bit outside of my realistic activities, like riding a motorcycle for 6 hours, he would say in a flat tone, "you, your body can't do that."
6. He would say I'll take care of you in the future...
As you can see NT, get blocked from the emotion, they don't have the ability to observe the person passing the information. If they could detach themselves from "their emotion" and focus on the persons face information they could react better. Realistically i have to baby sit NT's emotions when I'm in actual trouble.
NT don't include that information into long term interactions - they pretend it doesn't exist it's not there... They never ask *how you've been doing?* in real way since they see it's mot good, or are afraid of the answer.
Basically all they do is protect their own emotions.
That provoques permanent hiding, pretending I'm ok, and making myself as invisible as possible. Just to ce clear, i don't need to spend hours on end crying on somebody's sholder... I just need to say " i cancelled a trip, lunch, concert, any plan since I'm in relapse... " That's all I really need, just to say it what it is insted of inventing some nonsense acceptable to NT.vThis might sound as a generalization but it's not.
The exact opposit I get from my ND partner, My condition is properly placed in his mind, and i get the feed back, reality check, and reflection of my reality in his mind
To me its invaluable, since I've spent decades hiding, which in itself is very complicated and different topic, but not only that i don't have to hide wit ND, he's actually making it real and part of our life...
Best to all
Jox
One of the reason I got in a relationship with my ND in boyfriend in part is his behaviour with my chronic debilitating illnes.
HOW NT REACT TO CHRONIC OR DIFFICULT ILNESSES
NT's immediately have an emotional reaction, it's normal, seeing your friend, relative in a bad situation with no good prognosis for the future is difficult and obviously stressful. NT don't know what to do with that emotion, they might feel sorry for a person, try to appease, try to give all kinds of advise, or not react at all and minimize the information, or abruptly change the subject. On the long run, NT don't include it in the future conversations, or activities with a chronically I'll person.
As a result I have to go along, never mention the condition, pretend all is OK, or blame it on the weather ( not a metaphor), stress, seasonal virus... or anything that it's not going to disturb NT.
My friend who had cancer, told me that many cancer patients hide it for the very reason. It's just too much to take care of NT's emotional charge. I hope i illustrated the situation.
WITH MY ND PARTNER
1. at first he didn't have much of reaction but he did ask me some questions.
2. As the time was passing i would tell him of new symptoms as they would come, he didn't have much( any) emotional reaction.
3. BUT he computed in the information, and all of it, so if he saw me not good looking he would get very disturbed, started buying me food, and asking "what do I need to feel better."
4. He would observe my face and behaviour and tell me :- you look awful.
5. If I say something that is a bit outside of my realistic activities, like riding a motorcycle for 6 hours, he would say in a flat tone, "you, your body can't do that."
6. He would say I'll take care of you in the future...
As you can see NT, get blocked from the emotion, they don't have the ability to observe the person passing the information. If they could detach themselves from "their emotion" and focus on the persons face information they could react better. Realistically i have to baby sit NT's emotions when I'm in actual trouble.
NT don't include that information into long term interactions - they pretend it doesn't exist it's not there... They never ask *how you've been doing?* in real way since they see it's mot good, or are afraid of the answer.
Basically all they do is protect their own emotions.
That provoques permanent hiding, pretending I'm ok, and making myself as invisible as possible. Just to ce clear, i don't need to spend hours on end crying on somebody's sholder... I just need to say " i cancelled a trip, lunch, concert, any plan since I'm in relapse... " That's all I really need, just to say it what it is insted of inventing some nonsense acceptable to NT.vThis might sound as a generalization but it's not.
The exact opposit I get from my ND partner, My condition is properly placed in his mind, and i get the feed back, reality check, and reflection of my reality in his mind
To me its invaluable, since I've spent decades hiding, which in itself is very complicated and different topic, but not only that i don't have to hide wit ND, he's actually making it real and part of our life...
Best to all
Jox
