What goes with extreme low self esteem - well for me anyway.

[Suzanne]

Really, the good news is that it is not extreme any more, or else I would not be online.

I have noted about myself the surprise when others who have known me or know me, remember things about me.

What prompted this, was actually my first boyfriend getting back in touch, after close to 30 years and he shocked me with how much he had retained about me and I realised that thinking very little of myself, that being someone's memory would be unheard of. Like, I am invisible. Now, many say that they would love to be invisible, but I am not so sure about that, or I should say, a certain type of personality; one who really doesn't mind if no one talks to them.

I feel that I am like a passing shadow and it seems I am not and I cannot get my head around it.

Some have told me that they way I perceive myself, is not how others perceive me. It would be rather fun to have their perception of me, because age is nothing to me, for how I despise myself OFTEN, which is pretty good, that it is not all the time lol

And all this came about, from doing my cardio exercise and listening to music hehehehe

 

[Streetwise]

mine is still extreme ,its a bad day today ,my prescription wasn't sent in time so I was off my antidepressant a day and a half . i'm not suicidal but I do get depressed .
wish I could see what you can see

 

[Chance]

Low self esteem = just wanting to stay invisible or closed off to the real world as much as possible, for me at least. Sometimes I will have a good idea, or a way to fix a problem at work... If I KNOW its right... I open up and see what they think... : ) Otherwise I just don't put in lots of extra effort, and or sucking up to people.

 

[Marcus]

Low self esteem has haunted me for years, and crippling constant depression is practically linked to it.

Although, a lot of my self esteem issues come from the fact that I don't have much interaction with people at all. (And yes, most of the time that is by choice.)

But you can't really blame me for being anti-social, every time I try and go out and make new friends or to just talk to people it backfires fast because of my extreme social anxiety.

I also have this mindset that most people don't take me seriously, mainly because I have a bad habit at laughing at almost anything.

Hopefully someday things will change, but until they do, my life will remain the same, just trying to keep the shadows from fully consuming me again.

 

[Suzanne]

mine is still extreme

I know we are all different, but seriously, the reason I say it is not as extreme, is because, I would not even venture online to a forume, because it would freak me out seeing my writing and I would feel sorry for anyone having to read me.

There was a time, I felt sorry for someone who had no choice but stand next to me, waiting to cross the road. I freaked when someone sat next to me on a bus; petrified that they would find the "truth" about me; what ever that was. Trying to figure out why on earth they chose to sit next to me?

It really started when I was about 7. I had this awful sense that I wish I was not me.

 

[Suzanne]

just wanting to stay invisible or closed off to the real world as much as possible, for me at least.

Same here, Chance. Sometimes I cannot even go to a spiritual meeting, because of the fear of others, but am blessed that I can listen in at home.

 

[Suzanne]

But you can't really blame me for being anti-social, every time I try and go out and make new friends or to just talk to people it backfires fast because of my extreme social anxiety.

I hear all the time, when I watch videos on social phobia ( because I insist it is that for me, as I feel no anxiety when going out; just a dreadful fear and how I equate it, is being on a battlefield and being in charge of other's lives). Anyway, these videos say: it is never as bad as you imagine; just take the leap and you will be surprised with how easy it is. Really? So how come it is always as bad. I do trip; I do bring notice to myself. I think it is because I am so self conscious that I am like a piece of cardboard and thus, why I trip up etc, but does NOTHING to help me battle my fears.

 

[Streetwise]

Low self esteem = just wanting to stay invisible or closed off to the real world as much as possible, for me at least. Sometimes I will have a good idea, or a way to fix a problem at work... If I KNOW its right... I open up and see what they think... : ) Otherwise I just don't put in lots of extra effort, and or sucking up to people.

at least you never get ignored on this forum I get ignored all the time and if not ignored misunderstood or attacked

 

[Chance]

at least you never get ignored on this forum I get ignored all the time and if not ignored misunderstood or attacked

Being totally honest, sometimes its like words are missing in your posts so I'm not exactly sure what you are saying... But I catch myself doing the same thing and I have to go back and edit stuff all the time...

You have good posts... and I truly hope no one is attacking you... Thats not why we are here...

 

[Streetwise]

Being totally honest, sometimes its like words are missing in your posts so I'm not exactly sure what you are saying... But I catch myself doing the same thing and I have to go back and edit stuff all the time...

You have good posts... and I truly hope no one is attacking you... Thats not why we are here...

its The iPad it's done it again ,I haven't got the energy to constantly correct it .

 

[Suzanne]

at least you never get ignored on this forum I get ignored all the time and if not ignored misunderstood or attacked

Oh my, you feel ignored on here, Streetwise? And attacked? If I have done both, I am most sorry.

 

[Streetwise]

Oh my, you feel ignored on here, Streetwise? And attacked? If I have done both, I am most sorry.

no not you are the members not you

 

[Suzanne]

no not you are the members not you

I am so relieved about that, but sad that other members have treated you like this.