What experts reveal about women's attraction to older men

[NB79]

From what i have seen, It would seem that if men have enough money they can get a young girlfriend at any age.

 

[Jonn]

From what i have seen, It would seem that if men have enough money they can get a young girlfriend at any age.

Of course, money helps.

 

[SusanLR]

Personal experience from a senior woman here that never married:
Age really had nothing to do with whom I had relationships with.
Like interests and life desires were the most important.

Four major relationships in my life and each ended for different reasons. I don't think age had anything to do with the whys.

One was 3 years older than me and ended because it took a while for him to be open about what he wanted out of life and a relationship. He wanted to control how I believed, (religion), and eventually tried to change me into what he wanted.

The relationship that lasted the longest was with a man 30 years older than me.
We had more in common and enjoyed each other's company.
Neither of us were interested in a life together at first. Twelve years later, I was. He wasn't. Said he never would be with anyone.
He lived a long, healthy, active life alone until his death at age 98!

 

[Hypnalis]

So women want older, more established men? As a man in his 40s I support this. I don't see a problem.

It has become a problem in the woke era, because older men are "not allowed" to want younger women.
This is presumably a side-effect of the continuous lowering of the thresholds for offense for any form of XY-> XX interaction. Asymmetrical social mores in the age of equality /lol.

But the kind of "older XY" that can attract younger XX's has more options than any other group of XY's except perhaps the "top 1%" of equivalent-age XYs (top 1% in terms of either "hotness" or resource access, so maybe 1.9% total).

The near future will be interesting: the supply of "offline marks" for younger women is shrinking fast, and excluding older XY's will accelerate that.

 

[Judge]

The two are not mutually exclusive?
Why would you think that they were?

I'd say that the two distinctions if anything reflect different values prioritized in different times relative to social culture. And that it's likely that both equally apply in the present.

 

[thejuice]

Yes, really, but it is a question of context.

Let me add a qualifier: "Generally speaking".
As Neo said, there are always exceptions to the rule.


Generally speaking, everyone does learn from experience.
Some learn to modify their behaviour...
But some learn to avoid the situation altogether.


Of course not.
But generally speaking, most ppl are not like that.
Some are slow learners, but most eventually do learn.
I am speaking from personal experience.



When Tom was 5, he knew virtually nothing about the real world.
When he was 15, he knew EVERYTHING about the real world...

Spoiler

...in his own mind...

When he was 25, he began to realise that his father wasn't as dumb as he had thought.
When he was 55, he truly understood the meaning of "arrogance of youth".

(This is a well-known meme, as you would know.)

Granted, not everyone goes through these precise steps.
However, it is considered the most likely progression for pretty much everyone because of how human evolutionary psychology works.

Now, let us look at your boyfriend, shall we?
Let us call him "Jake.

I am guessing you are both in your 30's?
Jake is a considerate young man.
(To me, 35 is young. lol)
He treats you well, and everything is working nicely in the relationship.

Now, does that mean his mindset is captured in amber and will never develop/mature further forevermore?
I doubt that very much.

Most relationships, the ones that survive, develop greater and more nuanced insights as they progress, so why would this not be the case with Jake, also?

Consider this:

That's really encouraging actually, while there is life there is hope and all that

 

[thejuice]

I find it odd how some ppl have the manic desire to override another person's preferences/desires/needs, on both sides of the equation.

Adult 1: I consent
Adult 2: I consent

Reddit: I don't!!!

 

[DogzSpirit]

MSN

Just one flaw wiith this.... older men for younger women...

Dog deficit in older years!!!!!

Marry a younger man, and your dog quota will be fufilled. Many dogs well into later years, puppies even if you desire... lol

 

[Jonn]

That's really encouraging actually, while there is life there is hope and all that

People should keep in mind:
A relationship is not the be-all and end-all, imo.
Life can be satisfying/comfortable with or without a partner.
But having one usually means having to deal with a heavy load of compromises.

My libido doesn't drive me these days.
Never really did.
It is more about companionship.

 

[thejuice]

But having one usually means having to deal with a heavy load of compromises.

A relationship was one of the big growing up moments for me along with moving out of home, dealing with illness, getting a job and getting out of debt.

Having children would be the next one for me, not that you have to, if it ever even happens it would force me to step up, but leaving it a little late!

 

[Jonn]

I'd say that the two distinctions if anything reflect different values prioritized in different times relative to social culture. And that it's likely that both equally apply in the present.

It is up to the individuals to determine what they are looking for.
I see no "cookie-cutter" solution to the relationship equation.

 

[Jonn]

A relationship was one of the big growing up moments for me along with moving out of home and getting a job.

Absolutely.
I have emotionally grown so much due to the 4 serious relationships I have had.
I am a completely different man now.
Better at being a partner, I mean.
It was brutal, but I survived...

Spoiler

...Just!...

And this is something I wanted to bring up.
Generally speaking, meaning not specifically about relationships.
You can't just sit there, twiddling your thumbs, and expect to gain life insights.
Time + Experiences = Life Wisdom

And usually, the greater the time and experiences equates to an increased personal wisdom.

Spoiler

Up until dementia sets in!
Still waiting for that to happen, erm, I hope.

Game set and match.
Advantage older men.

Spoiler

...Well, in this particular context...
If you want to start a family, you will have to find another sucker.

 

[Jonn]

Having children would be the next one for me, not that you have to, if it ever even happens it would force me to step up, but leaving it a little late!

Erm...
You do realise you are talking to a hardcore antinatalist, right?

 

[thejuice]

Problem with a new relationship is you are forced to trust again, exposing yourself to the risk of fresh wounds. A vase is shattered once...

 

[Jonn]

Problem with a new relationship is you are forced to trust again, exposing yourself to the risk of fresh wounds. A vase is shattered once...

That's the thing.
For me personally, I have been emotionally destroyed so many times that I can't see that happening again.
While I am smitten with my new GF, if things go south, I will take things in my stride.

We have broken up and reconciled a number of times already in the year I have known her, so I am no longer on the emotional roller-coaster as a result of this and other relationships.
I am now in a position where I am simply grateful for having known her because of the growth I have attained within me.

And consider this:
She is much younger than I am, and that means I can't be her life partner.
Realising this, it is easier for me to let go if it comes to that.
Ideally, she will find someone after I am gone.
I made it clear that I am going first.

 

[thejuice]

True!

Princess Leia:
The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

 

[Jonn]

Personal experience from a senior woman here that never married:
Age really had nothing to do with whom I had relationships with.
Like interests and life desires were the most important.

I have never been married, either.
My circumstances didn't allow me to strive for another relationship after my first love.
Essentially I gave up looking for another interpersonal interaction until I was around 40.
Life can bite, and it can bite hard...

Four major relationships in my life and each ended for different reasons. I don't think age had anything to do with the whys.

Inexperience damaged my last relationship.
It was too intense, and I couldn't handle it, but it helped me to prepare for the person I am with now.
This old dog can learn new tricks. <woof!>

One was 3 years older than me and ended because it took a while for him to be open about what he wanted out of life and a relationship. He wanted to control how I believed, (religion), and eventually tried to change me into what he wanted.

Never a good sign.
Compromises are part of any good relationship, but not complete capitulation.

The relationship that lasted the longest was with a man 30 years older than me.

I can relate to that.

We had more in common and enjoyed each other's company.
Neither of us were interested in a life together at first. Twelve years later, I was. He wasn't. Said he never would be with anyone.
He lived a long, healthy, active life alone until his death at age 98!

I wonder if the fact that he couldn't be your life partner caused him not to commit.
It is a concern I have now, but for the meantime, I am pretty healthy and might last for a few more good years.
I doubt I would reach 98, though.
I will bet on that. Interested?

 

[Judge]

It is up to the individuals to determine what they are looking for.
I see no "cookie-cutter" solution to the relationship equation.

LOL....I never implied it was a "solution". Just that they are two primary considerations for marriage created largely dictated society.

Social rituals pushed on people. Which probably don't win any popularity contests either. Much like dating rituals. Society perpetuates them, leaving many people are aware of them. Yet they don't
universally work for everyone either.

Solution? I'm not sure one actually exists. Then again perhaps a great many people don't really know what they are looking for in relationships to begin with.

 

[Jonn]

LOL....I never implied it was a "solution". Just that they are two primary considerations for marriage created largely dictated society.

Social rituals pushed on people. Which probably don't win any popularity contests either. Much like dating rituals. Society perpetuates them, leaving many people are aware of them. Yet they don't
universally work for everyone either.

Solution? I'm not sure one actually exists. Then again perhaps a great many people don't really know what they are looking for in relationships to begin with.

Social standards have been broken left, right, and centre these days.
Diversity is all the go now.
I can, and do, identify as being 35, for instance.
Is there even really a valid social problem with large age gap relationships any longer?

My position was/is that Gap Relationships are here, and I was merely giving information on why it exists.

 

[Judge]

My position was/is that Gap Relationships are here, and I was merely giving information on why it exists.

No argument there. Back in the 80s I lived with a girlfriend for three years who was seven years older than I. Though in terms of societal trends I see old school notions still permeating the equation. Whether the public really embraces them or not.

It didn't bother me or her. Though whether it disturbed some of her friends I was never quite sure.