What exactly does Aspergers mean?

[Alex Dame]

Before I begin, I want to apologize if any of my previous posts or responses may have stepped on anyone's toes so to speak. I'm very opinionated, and I tend to do that sort of thing often. I'm opinionated, highly critical (even to myself), and when I talk to people, I have a tendency to lecture. Add to that a naturally loud voice, and you can see why long-lasting friendships aren't exactly my specialty. For the most part, I enjoy a solitary life of research, writing, exercise, etc. But everybody needs somebody, and I've been trying to socialize with people around my own age for some time now.

That said, I've been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and I don't exactly know what that means. I just know that it's a form of high-functioning autism, and I've heard that people who have it are generally very smart, independent, and very focused on a particular subject. From what I understand, there's a lot of good that people with Asperger's Syndrome can do, and there have been a lot of famous people in history who have had Asperger's Syndrome, but that doesn't make having it feel any better.

Here's a question: Did anybody reading this post see the movie "Guardians of the Galaxy"? If so, do you remember the part where Rocket the gun-toting raccoon got drunk. He gets shellshocked and says: "I didn't ASK to be made! To be taken apart and and put back together- OVER and OVER! And turned into some kind of a monster!" So here's the question: How many people can relate to that? (Sigh) I know I can. It's like the smarter I get, the less things make sense, and the less things make sense, the more aggravated I get, and the more aggravated I get, the harder things get for me. And I can't stop getting smarter, especially since I'm trying to get a degree in college in better hopes of getting a job.

But let me back up a little here. For a lot of my childhood, my mom didn't even know what Aspergers was, and I sure didn't either. What I DID know was that I was angry. I was VERY angry, VERY often. I got in trouble in and out of school, and I often felt like a monster. My mom was always more like Peter Quill "Calm down. Nobody thinks you're a monster." She, and my brother, and other family members tried to sympathize, but the truth is, none of them could have possibly known how it felt- How it STILL feels- to be treated so badly just for not understanding things.

In middle school, grown men pressed me to the ground and restrained me for acting out. They even put me in what they called "the quiet room", which was a carpet-padded room. I had problems with teachers, bosses, and other authority figures, that, more often than not, amounted to talking back. Now, I'm not one of those people who tries to blame everything on people in their past who have picked on them, or, for that matter, on having a high-functioning form of autism. I'm the one who screwed up, and quite often more out of libido than out of confusion.

(Sigh) Life is hard for everyone, but it tends to be harder for those of us with trouble adjusting than for the rest of us, especially when you're growing up. And when you're highly focused on something the rest of your family doesn't care about, well, THAT isn't real easy either. A new discovery you want to share becomes something for your eyes only. Something you've worked weeks, even months, to write becomes something put on the back burner that you have to remind even your own mother about reading, and perhaps worst of all, to be humored like a three-year-old. Just because they don't see how doesn't mean a subject isn't important, or even that it's only important to me.

Growing up, I had a lot of people tell me that being different was good...Fun...That it made me "special". I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but I have a good idea of what "special" means, and I think I know what happens to "special" people. It seems that that's the entire basis of syndications like X-Men (Not to mention Disney's The Incredibles). Don't get me wrong here, I didn't have life nearly as badly as some of you reading this. I had loving family members, brief relationships with kids my age, long-lasting relationships with people a lot older than me, and lots and lots of spare time to myself. I'm no X-Men mutant (That would actually be pretty cool if I was), I just have issues.

The truth of the matter is, I used to think so, but I don't think being different makes me or, necessarily anyone else, a monster. It's just part of my personal burden. Something I have to succeed in life in spite of. Don't ask me what succeed means in my case. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself, and it may well be that being overly-critical, or highly opinionated, or independent, or focused in one category could help me do it. It's just that, if given the choice, I'd rather get along with everyone, go on dates, never have trouble with my family, or authority figures... I don't care if I were dumb as a stump in that scenario, it would be wonderful.

(Sigh) But this is real life. Nobody gets along with EVERYBODY. Racial, ethnic, and sexist stereotypes have existed for generations, and just when it seems like Joe Public can't find anyone else to attack or blame for things, they go after white males. (Tsh) I grew up in the 80's, and tolerance was shoved down my throat. But anyway, I've probably gotten way off the topic here, so I'll just finish here.

To me, Asperger's means being out of the social loop, making more mistakes than the people around you while being at least as afraid to make a mistake, being unappreciated as a prophet beyond the occasional need for trivia, and being extremely stubborn. Focus and stubbornness can get a person surprisingly far in life, but not as far as social skills. Anyway, I can only speak from experience, what exactly does Aspergers mean to you?

 

[Datura]

There is no "b" in Asperger's.

Moving on; Asperger's is, to me, a neurological type characterized by obsessive behaviors and limited social awareness. It is neither intrinsically good or bad, in my opinion, but being a perpetual outsider is very difficult. Being obsessive only makes that harder.

This is a drastic oversimplification, but I am tired.

Here's a question: Did anybody reading this post see the movie "Guardians of the Galaxy"? If so, do you remember the part where Rocket the gun-toting raccoon got drunk. He gets shellshocked and says: "I didn't ASK to be made! To be taken apart and and put back together- OVER and OVER! And turned into some kind of a monster!" So here's the question: How many people can relate to that?

Somewhat. I certainly identify with feeling like a freak. In my darker moments (which have been quite frequent lately) I do bemoan my existence. But this isn't something that was done to me. I simply am the way I am. The question is, where do I fit in? How do I stop feeling so much pain?

And I might not even be on the spectrum. All I know is that life is confusing and almost unbearable right now.

I really wish I could contribute something more positive to this conversation, but I am just as lost as you are.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I suppose it means something different to each person, as if affects each person in a different way.

For me, it means not being able to connect with others socially and emotionally, feeling of alienation, not being able to pick up on social cues or respond to people's emotions, misinterpreting people, not always understanding other people's humour, being hypersensitive yet stubborn at the same time, rigid thinking often focused on self or facts and not on other people, having obsessions which cause me to get carried away, making loads of mistakes and paying for their consequences afterwards... lots of things!

But it also means that I'm able to focus and I attend to detail, I devote myself to a task I enjoy fully and I do it well, I'm quite intelligent and learn new things quickly, I have a good long term memory and I'm good at learning languages, I'm a very practical-minded, no nonsense sort of person, I'm honest and I'm not going to play games, cheat or lie to manipulate you, I say what I mean and mean what I say.

 

[Harrison]

There is no "b" in Asperger's.

Edited

 

[capybara]

And when you're highly focused on something the rest of your family doesn't care about, well, THAT isn't real easy either. A new discovery you want to share becomes something for your eyes only. Something you've worked weeks, even months, to write becomes something put on the back burner that you have to remind even your own mother about reading, and perhaps worst of all, to be humored like a three-year-old. Just because they don't see how doesn't mean a subject isn't important, or even that it's only important to me.

I can definitely relate to this. Both with my art and with horses, not many people are ever interested, so I tend to keep things to myself. My family, in particular, couldn't care less about what I have to tell them, no matter how important it is to me, heh.

 

[Slithytoves]

Focused on things the rest of my family doesn't care about (or don't get)? Story of my life. I feel you on that one. The "alien" aspect, too, but I look at it a little differently.

For me personally, having Asperger's means I'm working in a different context from the majority, have different priorities, and tend to see things from a different angle. I'm free of constraining social influences and dictates, and don't get twitchy spending time alone. My motivations are happily internal. I can see things clearly without the hindrance of free-flowing emotion, find novel connections and insights within and across subjects, and speak the truth without fear. The few friends I have are real ones because I'm not easy to get to know.

I live with a few classic impairments to one degree or another, but I think they're a very fair trade for all of the perks. The less I focus on them, the less they bother me. A nice direct correlation.

I spent a long time feeling like I was a pretty bad neurotypical person. Now I know I'm a very good Aspie, which has allowed me to recalibrate my entire POV and let go of old hurts and confusions.

 

[Datura]

I can really relate to having different interests. Sometimes I will rant to my parents about WWII anime, novel game mechanics, or some fascinating organism I learned about. I don't think they really care though. I suppose one must be content to love what they do in solitude. If you are lucky you may be able to find an individual or community who share your enthusiasm, but sometimes even that can be asking a bit much.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Before I begin, I want to apologize if any of my previous posts or responses may have stepped on anyone's toes so to speak. I'm very opinionated, and I tend to do that sort of thing often. I'm opinionated, highly critical (even to myself), and when I talk to people, I have a tendency to lecture. Add to that a naturally loud voice, and you can see why long-lasting friendships aren't exactly my specialty. For the most part, I enjoy a solitary life of research, writing, exercise, etc. But everybody needs somebody, and I've been trying to socialize with people around my own age for some time now.

That said, I've been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and I don't exactly know what that means. I just know that it's a form of high-functioning autism, and I've heard that people who have it are generally very smart, independent, and very focused on a particular subject. From what I understand, there's a lot of good that people with Asperger's Syndrome can do, and there have been a lot of famous people in history who have had Asperger's Syndrome, but that doesn't make having it feel any better.

Here's a question: Did anybody reading this post see the movie "Guardians of the Galaxy"? If so, do you remember the part where Rocket the gun-toting raccoon got drunk. He gets shellshocked and says: "I didn't ASK to be made! To be taken apart and and put back together- OVER and OVER! And turned into some kind of a monster!" So here's the question: How many people can relate to that? (Sigh) I know I can. It's like the smarter I get, the less things make sense, and the less things make sense, the more aggravated I get, and the more aggravated I get, the harder things get for me. And I can't stop getting smarter, especially since I'm trying to get a degree in college in better hopes of getting a job.

But let me back up a little here. For a lot of my childhood, my mom didn't even know what Aspergers was, and I sure didn't either. What I DID know was that I was angry. I was VERY angry, VERY often. I got in trouble in and out of school, and I often felt like a monster. My mom was always more like Peter Quill "Calm down. Nobody thinks you're a monster." She, and my brother, and other family members tried to sympathize, but the truth is, none of them could have possibly known how it felt- How it STILL feels- to be treated so badly just for not understanding things.

In middle school, grown men pressed me to the ground and restrained me for acting out. They even put me in what they called "the quiet room", which was a carpet-padded room. I had problems with teachers, bosses, and other authority figures, that, more often than not, amounted to talking back. Now, I'm not one of those people who tries to blame everything on people in their past who have picked on them, or, for that matter, on having a high-functioning form of autism. I'm the one who screwed up, and quite often more out of libido than out of confusion.

(Sigh) Life is hard for everyone, but it tends to be harder for those of us with trouble adjusting than for the rest of us, especially when you're growing up. And when you're highly focused on something the rest of your family doesn't care about, well, THAT isn't real easy either. A new discovery you want to share becomes something for your eyes only. Something you've worked weeks, even months, to write becomes something put on the back burner that you have to remind even your own mother about reading, and perhaps worst of all, to be humored like a three-year-old. Just because they don't see how doesn't mean a subject isn't important, or even that it's only important to me.

Growing up, I had a lot of people tell me that being different was good...Fun...That it made me "special". I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but I have a good idea of what "special" means, and I think I know what happens to "special" people. It seems that that's the entire basis of syndications like X-Men (Not to mention Disney's The Incredibles). Don't get me wrong here, I didn't have life nearly as badly as some of you reading this. I had loving family members, brief relationships with kids my age, long-lasting relationships with people a lot older than me, and lots and lots of spare time to myself. I'm no X-Men mutant (That would actually be pretty cool if I was), I just have issues.

The truth of the matter is, I used to think so, but I don't think being different makes me or, necessarily anyone else, a monster. It's just part of my personal burden. Something I have to succeed in life in spite of. Don't ask me what succeed means in my case. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself, and it may well be that being overly-critical, or highly opinionated, or independent, or focused in one category could help me do it. It's just that, if given the choice, I'd rather get along with everyone, go on dates, never have trouble with my family, or authority figures... I don't care if I were dumb as a stump in that scenario, it would be wonderful.

(Sigh) But this is real life. Nobody gets along with EVERYBODY. Racial, ethnic, and sexist stereotypes have existed for generations, and just when it seems like Joe Public can't find anyone else to attack or blame for things, they go after white males. (Tsh) I grew up in the 80's, and tolerance was shoved down my throat. But anyway, I've probably gotten way off the topic here, so I'll just finish here.

To me, Asperger's means being out of the social loop, making more mistakes than the people around you while being at least as afraid to make a mistake, being unappreciated as a prophet beyond the occasional need for trivia, and being extremely stubborn. Focus and stubbornness can get a person surprisingly far in life, but not as far as social skills. Anyway, I can only speak from experience, what exactly does Aspergers mean to you?

Alex, welcome to perhaps the most exclusive club on earth. A web search will enlighten you as to current and former members. Perhaps Bill Gates, Isaac Newton, Tesla or Edison and my personal favorite Epicurus. Genius is often eccentric and independent until it changes the world.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Yes, I suppose it means something different to each person, as if affects each person in a different way.

For me, it means not being able to connect with others socially and emotionally, feeling of alienation, not being able to pick up on social cues or respond to people's emotions, misinterpreting people, not always understanding other people's humour, being hypersensitive yet stubborn at the same time, rigid thinking often focused on self or facts and not on other people, having obsessions which cause me to get carried away, making loads of mistakes and paying for their consequences afterwards... lots of things!

But it also means that I'm able to focus and I attend to detail, I devote myself to a task I enjoy fully and I do it well, I'm quite intelligent and learn new things quickly, I have a good long term memory and I'm good at learning languages, I'm a very practical-minded, no nonsense sort of person, I'm honest and I'm not going to play games, cheat or lie to manipulate you, I say what I mean and mean what I say.

Progster, I had to check if I was reading something I posted. Not so much the opening statements but your conclusion. The brutal unrelenting honesty and lack of interest in being cunning and manipulative. Is this lack of guile, being generally open, an Asper thing, or is it another case of the lack of supportive evidence.

 

[watersprite]

to me, or rather for me, Asperger's means I pay attention to all of it, even when I'd prefer not to. It means I get extremely fatigued after real life social interaction, that I like very firm hugs but only from people I trust, that bright light and loud sounds drive me nuts, that I have fidgets and stims and sometimes they're hard to control at all, often I have insomnia and vivid dreams, that I can do repetitive work, that I have poor communication and sometimes I just don't can't talk at all, that animals and creatures are important, and that I've learned how to carry on, on my own, and am very thankful for how much fun I have had all by myself with my interests, and lots of other stuff but this is getting too long.
Also I'm glad the thread title got corrected.

 

[Progster]

Progster, I had to check if I was reading something I posted. Not so much the opening statements but your conclusion. The brutal unrelenting honesty and lack of interest in being cunning and manipulative. Is this lack of guile, being generally open, an Asper thing, or is it another case of the lack of supportive evidence.

I would say that it was a personality trait which comes from having Aspergers. That doesn't mean that NTs can't be open and honest too, some people are more honest than others.

 

[Sass]

Yikes. I was diagnosed last year, and honestly it opened a door to all kinds of things I'm in the process of dealing with, ranging from childhood to yesterday. What it means, in a nutshell, is that you're neurologically different to most people. This can be good or bad, depending on how much support you have, or how much you support yourself and let yourself be you. I wouldn't trade it for the world, because my talents and mind wouldn't be the same without it – I wouldn't be me. Everyone reacts differently. If you ever need a chat about it I'd be happy to oblige, which sounds insincere, but I promise it isn't

 

[AsheSkyler]

Asperger's to me means I have more spikes on my chart than a regular person. In example, their skill level is about the same across the board, while I may score very high in one area just to bottom out in another.

"I didn't ASK to be made! To be taken apart and and put back together- OVER and OVER! And turned into some kind of a monster!"

That's pretty much my reaction when people cluck their tongue at me for dealing with the aftermath of being mistreated by various morons, who tend to also preach "those who don't learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them". Pick one, dang it. If they want me to avoid previous bad situations, then they shouldn't whine when I call them out on sliding down a slippery slope to it.