What are your social issues?

[Patrick James]

With me it's just awkward all the time. I either avoid communicating with strangers or over do it and appear eccentric. I can't read them and I feel that they think I'm weird. I'm ok with people I know. Some people are instantly in my comfort zone and it's fine. It's strange.

 

[Gracey]

I can struggle finding the right balance between OTT and not enough.

Sometimes it's such hard work I no longer have enough strength to keep trying so I pretty much say nothing at all or avoid any kind of social situation all together.

 

[Adora]

Being awkward,having poor eye contact and also being extremely clumsy.

 

[Bolletje]

My social issues are mostly with groups. I never know when it's my time to speak, and when I say something and people don't respond to it I immediately feel self-conscious. So I usually just listen and hope nobody feels awkward about my silence.

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm not racist or anything but I despise dealing with companies who have Foreign call centres, I can just about translate a strong Scottish accent at Sky, but that's it! I hate talking to Indians at my mobile phone provider etc.

Thing is though, when they did the Brexit referendum last year, I specifically voted remain because I don't waste time moaning about immigrants etc like most of the so called Brexiteers.

 

[OrSomething]

- I often don't want to be talked to, so I have trouble seeming friendly.
- Conversations can be awkward, as I sometimes don't know what to say.
- My eye contact is erratic: I can look people in the eye, but always look away after a while.
- Certain subjects make me uncomfortable, so I feel the urge to cover my ears when they are brought up.
- I don't know when to jump into a conversation.

 

[kay]

@Patrick James Your social issues sound a lot like mine. Part of the time I can barely get a word out at all and other times I rattle on and on and who knows what the listener thinks about that. I have a few people I was instantly comfortable with but most of the time I just can't figure the other person out well enough. Guess most people, NTs included, are like this to some extent. It is something I think is a much bigger issue for autistic peoples. And the weird thing is that time doesn't generally matter. How ever it goes first meeting is the same as after knowing the person for years. Doesn't matter if they are nice people, doesn't even matter if I like the person. Some NT types have the decency to sorta converse in a monologue exchange. Those are the people I am ok with. Not nearly enough people communicate that way.

 

[owlet]

I tend to struggle to know when I'm supposed to speak or do something unless there are very clear indicators by the other person/people, so I can end up being completely static and silent, like I've gone on standby. People have occasionally been impatient over that kind of thing, but thankfully not too often. A big part of my social issues is just not feeling it's worth it, which results in a fair amount of social isolation and lack of confidence when it comes to meeting new people or doing new things which might involve people.

 

[xudo]

Pretty much as described in the OP. I'm pretty bad at eye contact, although better with people I've known a long time.

 

[the_tortoise]

Not all of these things happen all the time, but they happen a lot.....

>I fail to see the connotations of words and phrases in context
>I can't keep up with conversations (I process things too slowly -- group conversations are hell)
>I can't put my thoughts to words or I choose words that don't communicate what I actually mean
>I don't understand what people say to me and find myself at a complete loss as to how to express this (or it doesn't even occur to me that maybe I should express this -- it's not like it's ever been an unusual occurance for me to not understand what people are saying to me and there isn't always an obvious reason why it's important that I understand), cannot think of any questions
>I am prone to going on tangents (tangent marathons, if I'm trying to tell a story or express a complex thought)
>I pick up on emotions but don't understand what caused those emotions and/or don't know what the other person might want or need as far as support/empathy/compassion
>I can't do sensory-multi-tasking very well so I often have to choose between listening to and looking at people when they speak
>My auditory processing and ability to think clearly in overwhelming sensory environments is basically sh**
>My reactions to and perspective about things are so different that the assumptions people make are incomprehensible to me and I have no idea that assumptions are even being made until they are explicitly stated (but not stated as assumptions, usually, stated as if they are facts)
>I miss what's written between the lines (hints, talking around things)
>People think I'm anxious when I'm not, mistakenly assume that if I ask questions about stuff like how I appear to others it's not because I actually don't know how I appear to others but because I'm insecure and want to be reassured that I'm fine / liked / whatever (I do want to be liked sometimes -- I never want to be disliked but sometimes I don't really care -- but I'm not actually seeking reassurance about whether or not I'm liked, nor am I asking if people like me)
>People take my honest questions as rhetorical statements designed to challenge/insult/something else bad
>I take other people's rhetorical questions as actual questions and piss them off by answering the question
>People think I'm being funny when I'm not (although, this is usually sort of a blessing and almost never a problem....almost)
>People think I'm deliberately being difficult when I don't understand what's going on or don't understand them
>When people reek of perfumes I just want to cover my nose and mouth and run away from them (I don't do this, I try to show no signs of discomfort), it's very, very hard to tolerate for any length of time (nearly everyone smells of perfume because most soap, detergent and other hygeine products are strongly scented, but some fragrances are worse than others and some people use more or less of these products and/or add cologne/perfume on top)

There may be more that I'm not thinking of (my brain is all about the details, bottom-up organization rather than top-down, can anyone tell? )

 

[Ameriblush]

-Being so quiet that I'm incomprehensible stinks
-gelatophobia makes me think I'm constantly being laughed at
-Accidently cutting people off makes me look like I was raised in a barn.

 

[Sherlock77]

To start with, I can be reasonably friendly and communicative in some situations, I do street photography and through the lens of my camera gear I often talk with total strangers street level

And when I connect with strangers on some of favourite topics, I can get into a long discussion sometimes... My two favourite topics being photography and the automobile... And I have a habit of carrying on conversation with someone for a long time, never exchanging names with each other, sometimes we can part ways without knowing each others names.

And I have no problem with giving a public talk, or asking questions of a teacher, zero nervousness.

But I have struggles...

Despite what I said above, I can be awkward in general conversation, and if some of the above conditions are not present I have tremendous difficulty with small talk and basic conversation skills.

Drop me into a room full of people who I don't know, and I mean I don't know anybody in the room, and they are just socializing, I just implode... I recall one time in particular, I had gone on my own to a gathering where there was going to be a presentation about a art project... I arrived a little too early to a small room full of people talking to each other, and I just felt like hiding, I wandered around the room like a lost puppy, I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb, maybe no one even noticed me... Eventually, after what felt like ages, the presentation was made, after which I could safely escape... I've been to other similar gatherings and simply left almost immediately...

I struggle with being in pubs, not just because of the drinking (I choose not to drink), but the loudness, if I am there with friends having to yell at each other just to have a conversation, plus trying to handle multiple conversations.

 

[Voltaic]

I don't have a problem. Everyone else does, they are not talking about the right stuff.

 

[Patrick James]

@Patrick James Your social issues sound a lot like mine. Part of the time I can barely get a word out at all and other times I rattle on and on and who knows what the listener thinks about that. I have a few people I was instantly comfortable with but most of the time I just can't figure the other person out well enough. Guess most people, NTs included, are like this to some extent. It is something I think is a much bigger issue for autistic peoples. And the weird thing is that time doesn't generally matter. How ever it goes first meeting is the same as after knowing the person for years. Doesn't matter if they are nice people, doesn't even matter if I like the person. Some NT types have the decency to sorta converse in a monologue exchange. Those are the people I am ok with. Not nearly enough people communicate that way.

Do you have any empathy at all? I seem to a bit. Like if someone close gets hurt I feel bad n stress for them but it almost feels like I have to think about it first. Like my natural emotion just doesn't cut it. If someone dies I know, I say to myself: Oh so n so died. It's so sad. Then I can feel very sad and cry or whatever but it doesn't feel instant like it should.

 

[kay]

Do you have any empathy at all? I seem to a bit. Like if someone close gets hurt I feel bad n stress for them but it almost feels like I have to think about it first. Like my natural emotion just doesn't cut it. If someone dies I know, I say to myself: Oh so n so died. It's so sad. Then I can feel very sad and cry or whatever but it doesn't feel instant like it should.

Yeah, I have empathy, according to the dictionary definition, as much as anyone else. Don't think it matters how you process things, caring about others is caring. Personally I don't believe anyone can truly feel what another person feels, you can only imagine. Some people may get there unconsciously while some of us are more aware of the process. How you pick up on someone else's distress doesn't matter to me. It's like saying that reading a book only counts if you read it in print and that Braille doesn't count. Sorry, I get upset thinking about the whole empathy thing. The "experts" have so many of us feeling for years like we are broken or something and I don't believe we are at all.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

People think I'm being funny when I'm not (although, this is usually sort of a blessing and almost never a problem....almost)
>People think I'm deliberately being difficult when I don't understand what's going on or don't understand them

Yep.

The second one i may make an unusual interpretation of words (helps with humor but not otherwise)

One example :

I do appreciate you being round. (The song help)

This person to me is actually round. Circular. I know what it means but ive made the wrong link..and imagine this round person.
Bad example, but an obvious statement with an obvious meaning jumping to a wrong conclusion.

 

[Coupe]

Not being able to maintain constant eye contact (I can try, but after awhile it starts to feel invasive and like my eyes are going to pop out of my head - it hurts), never knowing what to talk about, stuttering, dissociating while listening to people talk, not liking to be touched w/out expecting or asking for it (touch can actually hurt me when it's unexpected), not being able to decipher contradictory facial expressions (did you know that there are people who can actually look like they're smiling while their eyes look angry? Cuz there are - my stepmother is one of them). I'm sure I have other issues I'm just forgetting about at the moment.

 

[the_tortoise]

Yep.

The second one i may make an unusual interpretation of words (helps with humor but not otherwise)

One example :

I do appreciate you being round. (The song help)

This person to me is actually round. Circular. I know what it means but ive made the wrong link..and imagine this round person.
Bad example, but an obvious statement with an obvious meaning jumping to a wrong conclusion.

I know what you mean -- I do that, too. Sometimes I don't see the intended meaning, though -- unless I see it after the fact.

How you pick up on someone else's distress doesn't matter to me. It's like saying that reading a book only counts if you read it in print and that Braille doesn't count.

This is an awesome analogy.

did you know that there are people who can actually look like they're smiling while their eyes look angry?

Yup, there are variations on it, too....some variations are huge red flags for me (signs of possible threat), others seem harmless.

 

[Mr Allen]

I didn't know about the eye contact issue till about 10 years ago when I had an interview with a woman from Remploy who delighted in pointing out that and other issues.

She was pretty useless though, accused me to my face of lying about every word of my CV because I had no references! I came out of the interview and was literally like, WTF just happened?!

 

[Pondering]

When to stop making eye contact. My social timing is way off. I'm not always sure if I should say something or if what I can think of at the moment is appropriate to the social interaction. It's like being on city streets, and you're the only one who can't see the stop lights, and a lot of people either honk at you too much, or not at all. Some people are blunt enough to tell me: 'hello, I'm talking to you; can you respond to what I just said' Then I know I'm obligated to reply. But some people just talk about random stuff, and I'm thinking: 'what face am I supposed to make? How am I supposed to react without making this awkward' and it's just a big mind mess. I'm pretty sure that most of the time I know exactly what's going on. I just don't know how to react. Sometimes vocal tone (inflection, modulation, etc.) and facial expressions are just as much of an issue as not knowing what to say. Even knowing exactly how far or close I should stand, or if someone wants me to move an inch away. No one says anything. In a casual setting, it's easier to get away with. But it's especially challenging to have these issues in a professional setting.