What age did you guys realise how important socialising and social skills were?

[Shevek]

This awareness has been slowly growing since about age two, with some spurts.

 

[NB79]

i didn't think about 'social skills' but i was very aware i couldn't feel right with others, like other people would do, it created all sorts of anguish, and depression/sadness. Because inside we have needs to socialize like everyone else, but it just doesn't want to work.

 

[AprilR]

My parents were not exactly normal, and i always knew i was different ever since i started school. I just did not know the reason i was different, the term "social skills" "social intelligence" and such. School life was spent hiding from people and trying to mimic them when i have to. It is all a blur now.

Learning about autism and that social skills as a skillset that can be developed and that it is necessary for survival? Waaay late, like in my 20s. I still get surprised when parents around me talk about their child's# social development "and" ability to make friends" because when i was a child those were not important, i just had to get good grades.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What age did you guys realise how important socialising and social skills were? I think I did around year 5/6 when my desire to be social was compelling me to interact with others. So, I started feeling deeply lonely as I had no person around me to connect with. Not at home or at school. And it's like I suddenly realised that I wasn't alone in the world and that there were people around me, if that makes sense. To this day, I still do not know how to really compute this, how to feel about it. I am as confused now as I was back then on this fact. I can form statements from it from observation and learning but I do not know how to act off of them. I can certainly say that I instinctively feel an urge to act nice, kind and pleasant and that this is right. Besides from that, nothing else. I feel like a child still mentally regarding this.

As a result, my attempts to socialise were cringy, unsatisfying and fruitless. I never met my goal until I came across the concept of suicide later on in year 11. From year 11-13, I promised myself I'd commit suicide at the age of 18. In that period, I had no care of how people saw me or how I treated others as I would not deal with the consequences anyway, so I managed to gain a 'friend group'. I was never truly satisfied with them. I only desired fun in my final years so we what we had was shallow. From what I said, you can probably see that this was partly my fault as I cemented myself as the easy-going, fun friend, which is too weak of a foundation for stronger friendships that would satisfy our nature, or soul or whatever. I've still not found a way to act as uncaring as I did then without thinking of suicide. It's bizarre - the more I take life seriously, the more I fail at endeavours of friendship and learning.
Interestingly, my grades were really good during this period, eventually plummeting as I started taking life seriously, thinking I had a future. But many other things occurred at the same time in year 13, and I could not deal with the stress and lacked guidance.

I don't really know how to conclude. Lol.

Personally, my knowledge of socializing and social skills grew in stages throughout my life.

As a child, it was primarily focused upon social manners, being polite, respect, self discipline, emotional discipline, not hitting other people, etc.

Then, I think it was another few decades of experience, making mistakes, gaining wisdom...but still having a lot of questions.

Then, after I was diagnosed and I took that deep dive into autism that I realized how different I was from others, becoming much more self aware, answering a lot of questions I had about interacting with people, etc. I also realized that there were things I could change...and others that I couldn't.

 

[Jenisautistic]

Probably when I was 15 during and after the attacks on me, I was thinking I would lose all the people that I care about
I realize that without them at the time that I was with them, I wouldn't have anything
Which kind of became the reality in 2015 somewhat

As for ending it, I was too busy and thinking about how to get to my old school again or how to drop out so I wasn't really focused on that
Although the feeling that I had after all this was horrific and still sometimes to this day
Sometimes I still obsess over them because I really cared for them

 

[UFO]

I'm not sure if I have ever understood the importance of being part of some social clique. I am sure that I don't understand that now. I don't remember ever having any significant problems of not being part of any kind of group.

Anyway... I have an opposite development as, according people who know me, I have always been a socially skilled kid. Like all young outgoing children, I was quick to talk to strangers and say embarrassing things. I have started conversations if I have felt that a person is left out of social circles etc. I didn't actually try to make friends (I think, I don't remember my childhood) but I wasn't shy to talk.

It was around early adulthood when I began to realize that I don't need to socialize or have any friends or anything. I could do months just fine without any kind of human contacts except "That is 9.95, do you have a bonus card?"-contacts with people.

I do like random conversations, but I don't actually like spending time with people. I don't hate that either, it is more like a neutral thing as I don't feel like I get much benefits from it (because I don't connect with them, I always feel like I am outsider... You know the routine). I have concluded that most of my friendships have been more of a habit (you know: when someone is around you long enough, you kind of dislike him/her not being around because that would be a change at your environment) than actual need to be with them.

 

[RemyZee]

I think I realized around 5 or six that I liked playing alone, and didn't like playing with other kids as much as I liked it by myself. I got to be aware that I was different when I was around 13, and that was when I started finding it difficult to be around people. But it has been a lifelong effort.

 

[M_Owlie]

In recent years, as most of my family has died, I have realized how dependent I am (I didn't know it) and how the lack of social fabric is creating problems for me that I never imagined. Even so, I don't feel alone and I don't 'feel' the need to relate, despite the great difficulties I am encountering in my day-to-day life.

 

[Poppy98]

20's gah! Before that i was just wrongly punished for "misbehavior."

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Every position I had, was given a lab worked alone except for testing lab had partner through we both did our own projects, So never worried about socializing or noticed lack of skills. Just noticed lack of promotional opportunities.

 

[Captain Caveman]

It is odd. The term "Social" seems like another world which I am not so much involved in? I never knew what the term "Socializing" meant. When asking others they would say things like "Going to the pub".

 

[Jumpinbare]

By the time I first heard the word 'socializing', I already knew it wasn't for me (except one on one with similar interests, which didn't seem to fit the definition)

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I socialized with my family so never really noticed. Foncern ur brothers all science buffs bright hyperlexic. why concern ourselves about any body else. Now looking back three of us were on spectrum. All natural loners.

 

[Wolfiedog]

32
And i remember exactly when it happened.

i must really be a late bloomer.

 

[Crossbreed]

I have always socialized. NT family members made room for me, though my parents look like they may have been neur-D, too.

In public, I gravitated towards other neurds. I would also engage with friendly NTs, but past the Golden Rule, many of their social conventions were so foreign to me.