What about meltdowns and self harm?

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Did you ever have yourself or a child or family amber fall into very violent meltdowns and self harm because they were struggling and their needs not met?
There when you have trauma and meltdowns and autistic related self harming because the autistic was not coping.
I am struggling with this a lot now because I am having very violent meltdowns because I do not understand what is going on in my life and how it is good like not enough information or enough stability or a stable safe environment with people who understand and can support and help.
I am not being heard for my needs and struggling with my belief systems in the sense I do not feel loved by a higher power or He can see my pain. Or that He can see that I need more at the moment than I am getting and that I do not want to go back into care or be put in toxic medication or be abused again in care as a bandaid solution because I cannot find what I genuinely need which is my autism supported in a way I can still be in a home environment and have peace and freedom but I am not ready for a relationship and my feelings are also holding me back and no way to start one in a way that is normal and makes sense and it is hard when you have trauma and no strong women influences to just get used to a man. They can be so pigheaded and macho and dirty and annoying so it is so hard to be ready for that with childhood trauma and trauma.

 

[Rodafina]

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. A strong pink heart for you, for hope.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Did you ever have yourself or a child or family amber fall into very violent meltdowns and self harm because they were struggling and their needs not met?
There when you have trauma and meltdowns and autistic related self harming because the autistic was not coping.
I am struggling with this a lot now because I am having very violent meltdowns because I do not understand what is going on in my life and how it is good like not enough information or enough stability or a stable safe environment with people who understand and can support and help.
I am not being heard for my needs and struggling with my belief systems in the sense I do not feel loved by a higher power or He can see my pain. Or that He can see that I need more at the moment than I am getting and that I do not want to go back into care or be put in toxic medication or be abused again in care as a bandaid solution because I cannot find what I genuinely need which is my autism supported in a way I can still be in a home environment and have peace and freedom but I am not ready for a relationship and my feelings are also holding me back and no way to start one in a way that is normal and makes sense and it is hard when you have trauma and no strong women influences to just get used to a man. They can be so pigheaded and macho and dirty and annoying so it is so hard to be ready for that with childhood trauma and trauma.

I'm sorry to hear of what you're struggling with. You aren't alone in this issue.

I struggle with meltdowns a lot, and it was worse when I was a kid. I can't explain what it feels like other than being overstimulated or full of anticipatory anxiety and just needing to get out my frustration. In high school I used to cut myself out of stress and depression and parental expectations. It felt good because it matched the pain in my head.

If I could offer a more recent snapshot: the other day, prior to going on a walk together, I was waiting for my fiance to finish getting ready. In my head, 'destinations' of the day are things like point A, point B etc. Things blocking or preventing one from reaching any of these points cause me to shut down and become withdrawn and anxious. So, I'm sitting at the table, waiting for my fiance to get their breakfast ready and they just keep talking and talking and being idle (it's ADD so I do not blame them) but amidst their idling and not getting from point A to point B I began to become withdrawn. For a scary moment, I considered just biting my fingers and causing momentary pain to distract from my mental vexation. This is probably one of the things about my autism which I most dislike, but fear that I cannot change: I get stuck in my head and conflicted over things not happening when they 'should' happen.

My apologies if this isn't relevant to your original post.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. A strong pink heart for you, for hope.

View attachment 111868

Thank you so much.
That cheered me so much.
Hugs.
Xoxo

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I'm sorry to hear of what you're struggling with. You aren't alone in this issue.

I struggle with meltdowns a lot, and it was worse when I was a kid. I can't explain what it feels like other than being overstimulated or full of anticipatory anxiety and just needing to get out my frustration. In high school I used to cut myself out of stress and depression and parental expectations. It felt good because it matched the pain in my head.

If I could offer a more recent snapshot: the other day, prior to going on a walk together, I was waiting for my fiance to finish getting ready. In my head, 'destinations' of the day are things like point A, point B etc. Things blocking or preventing one from reaching any of these points cause me to shut down and become withdrawn and anxious. So, I'm sitting at the table, waiting for my fiance to get their breakfast ready and they just keep talking and talking and being idle (it's ADD so I do not blame them) but amidst their idling and not getting from point A to point B I began to become withdrawn. For a scary moment, I considered just biting my fingers and causing momentary pain to distract from my mental vexation. This is probably one of the things about my autism which I most dislike, but fear that I cannot change: I get stuck in my head and conflicted over things not happening when they 'should' happen.

My apologies if this isn't relevant to your original post.

I am very sorry.
It is amazing what can trigger it. I am struggling a lot at the moment where I think I cannot cope with certain things and I shutdown but because of my deregulation with trauma and brain, I go straight into violent meltdowns because it scares me.
And then I hit myself out of frustration and because I feel blamed especially by God instead of supported and understood and loved.
It is difficult
I went through emotional abuse and my anxiety got bad and when my anxiety is bad my meltdowns are bad.
I.just tapping my wrists helps me jut often hurts too
I used to use a chew toy to help but it can taste bad and wreck up the teeth
Now at the moment I just hug my plushie.
I just want to he loved and understood just for me.