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Wanted: Random tidbits of advice for dates

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pelecanus87

Well-Known Member
You don't need to give me some comprehensive answer. Just give me a few random tips off the top of your head.

Like many of you, I'm socially awkward and I don't actually like to talk a whole lot, which is obviously a bit of a disadvantage on a date.
 
Date someone who you already know is easier to talk to than average.

Go on dates hoping they are miserable failures so you can have a handy collection of bad date stories for future non-date conversations. It takes the pressure off and if the date goes well, yea! If not, wow, what a great story!!

My apologies if these tips are terrible.
 
Don't sit or lean over or stand in back of your date too closely, a quick handshake is about the only physical contact you should make. If they touch you, your hand or shoulder, don't back away, but don't reciprocate until you know the person better.

Let the person talk and listen, then respond with questions. And or, whatever they tell you about themselves, respond in kind with similar information about yourself.
 
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Ask lots of questions about your date- it will show interest and you won't have to talk so much Be a good listener and show that with follow up questions. Mia's advice seconded. :)
 
I remember reading once about some famous person(s) who had attended some type of dinner party. About one man, she said "He was the most fascinating person in the room." About a second man, she said, "He made ME feel like I was the MOST FASCINATING PERSON in the room."

You want to be the second type. Find out about your date; ask them questions to draw them out, then add observations or similar experiences. Be more interested in them, than in talking about yourself.

Tips for an AS person though; make sure your questions feel like a conversation, not an interrogation! So, slowly ask and try to gauge their willingness to talk about themselves.
If they ask you about yourself, (and they should) keep your answers truthful, not *too* personal (yet), and avoid a long monologue.

To me, the best dates are where there is some activity to focus on, not just sitting in a coffee shop trying to make sparkling conversation. Even something as simple as going for a walk or meeting a zoo, for example, will give you a chance to get to know each other without too much pressure.

Just remember, they're nervous too!


I like to think I know of which I speak, because I'm probably old enough to be your mother, but I'm definitely NOT your mother. ;)

Good luck!
 
Date an Aspie. You'll understand one another better and you can be more direct with one another without the other taking offense. NTs tend to avoid being direct and that is confusing for an Aspie.
 
Don't prepare too much conversation-wise. If you seem like you're reading from a script, that's going to seem awkward.

Meet over an activity you both enjoy (I always go for pub trivia)
 
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