Waiting in line...

[DogwoodTree]

How far away do you stand from people when you're in a line with strangers?

I need at least 3 feet, more if there's enough space to spread out. If someone stands closer than that, especially if it's a man, I feel intruded upon and sometimes I feel panicky.

I live in a town where there is a particular minority culture that is not really a minority in our town. This particular culture of people...they can be nice on a lot of levels, but they have NO CLUE about personal space. Today I was standing in line at the bank, and these people were crowding in around me on both sides, especially behind me, and just would NOT back up. If I moved an inch forward, they moved two. They almost cut in front of me when they first walked up, and I really should have let them. I almost had to walk out, but I really wanted to get that errand done for DH so he didn't have to go back later.

I was supposed to pick up some lunch on the way home, but at that point there was no way I could handle another line just to get food.

Sometimes I just get so tired of people in general.

 

[Harrison]

I need around three feet front or back, but can settle for around two feet if they are alongside. British are still good at queueing but guests to our country don't seem to be able to grasp the notion.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't keep track of the distance exactly...I don't think it's more than 50 cm... (between 1 and 2 feet). Looking at people above me stating 3 feet.. if I were to queue for 3 feet and everyone did... the cash registers and the conveyor belts to put your groceries on aren't even that long, lol. I think over here in Europe these things are a bit smaller in general, meaning you automatically get closer to each other. But then again, I can't recall any instances where I was in line and someone in front, or behind me had poor hygiene or terrible odor either.

However, people for some reason try to keep a bit of distance from me... perhaps I look a bit intimidating. I always find it funny when there's plenty of space behind me, someone is keeping, easily those 3 feet, distance and creates a huge gap while dawdling around with his shopping basket at the end of the conveyor of the cashregister. It drives me up the wall sometimes to where I want to scream "put those bloody groceries on the belt!". It's like people are totally clueless what they should do, being totally focussed to not disturb that intimidating giant in front of them, lol...

But I guess the entire notion of strangers getting close to me doesn't bother me as much. I've been to Amsterdam on saturdayafternoons plenty of times, lol... that's where you learn to deal with being close to strangers. There... and at heavy metal shows, especially if you're up in the front in the mosh pit, hah.

Though I can understand why people want distance... it's just that in these areas, it's not really viable I think... everything is quite a bit smaller, so that means distances shrinks as well (it's just, people don't get smaller, lol)

 

[Suzanne]

I don't know the distance, but I hate people evading my personal space in any situation. It does make me feel smothered actually, but to be fair, I think, when I am being zealous, I have the tendency to invade, but as soon as I become aware of that, I step back.

I am the type of that if someone was to say something, I would stand a mile way. Same as when I am told that I am too loud, I become very silent.

Yes, I get very tired of people. Sometimes, could scream

 

[DogwoodTree]

Yeah, that's one reason I have never, ever, despite spending my teenage years in the 80s, been to a rock concert. The noise, the crowds, the smells, the lights...no, no, no, no, no.

And yes, big and intimidating men get a little extra space from me, sorry. It's not you personally, it's what men have done in general. But this time today, it was actually a woman, who was actually shorter than I am (and that's hard to do), and yet still she kept inching closer and closer. It was just plain creepy. I felt trapped.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I work in a crowded grocery store so i'm a little desensitized to it, plus there's the whole factor that i work there so i feel more at ease cause at this point everyone is at least somewhat familiar even if i almost never really know them. But getting to the point, waiting in line to buy my week's worth of groceries i'm okay if its busy and there's loads of people and i myself get close to the person in front of me just to try to be closer to the front so i can set my stuff down. But even then, or when they move, i don't like people being close to me and its uncomfortable especially if its not a customer i recognize as being a regular.

 

[wyverary]

Interesting that someone brought up concerts and such. When waiting in queue, I certainly like to have a bit of space from the others! But for some reason, and this didn't used to be the case (maybe it's a product of my having worked retail for a while? Or life experience?), I'm perfectly fine with concerts, and have enjoyed many a show in many of the small (and small-ish) venues in Music City, where it can get rather crowded and quite noisy.

 

[The Penguin]

For me the small the gap between the people the better. Many large gaps makes the line seem much longer than what it really is.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I prefer to keep people at arm's length, literally. If I can touch you, you're too close. If I simply must be sardined in, I will turn my back away from them so they have to face me and I can see them coming. This often means I stand sideways in lines so I can see where the person in front and behind me are located.

 

[clg114]

Yeah, that's one reason I have never, ever, despite spending my teenage years in the 80s, been to a rock concert. The noise, the crowds, the smells, the lights...no, no, no, no, no.

And yes, big and intimidating men get a little extra space from me, sorry. It's not you personally, it's what men have done in general. But this time today, it was actually a woman, who was actually shorter than I am (and that's hard to do), and yet still she kept inching closer and closer. It was just plain creepy. I felt trapped.

Just what is it that we have done in general?

 

[DogwoodTree]

Not all men, obviously. But if you get stung badly enough, you learn to be a little extra cautious around certain types of personalities. There are plenty of men who have earned my trust, but I don't just automatically give it to strangers who don't respect personal space.

Sorry, I don't mean to be offensive, or to put anyone here on the defensive. But I'm automatically on the defense with people who look somewhat similar to my abusers, or talk similarly, or have the same kinds of body language. If the worst that happens to the guy next to me in line is that he gets his feelings hurt...well, that's absolutely nothing compared to what i deal with every day. I don't blame all men...but I am careful.

I apologize if my wording earlier came across harshly. I was still pretty off-kilter from earlier in the day.

 

[Spiller]

I like about three feet between me and the person in front and behind; any less and I stand sideways to keep both in view. This is actually the average personal space boundary for most people in the UK.. I suspect more social cultures have smaller boundaries?
During my psychology course in my youth, part of the course work was to repeat a number of trials/experiments we'd studied in class, one of which was measuring personal space.
This involved very slowly sidling up to someone, in a library say, and as they became aware of the invasion of their personal space boundary and made to move away, we'd whip out a tape measure and try to gauge how close we'd gotten.
We only did smallish samples of twenty people or so and the average result was 2.5 - 3 feet, but it was very entertaining once you got used to the initial embarrassment of the situation
I wonder if I'm now experiencing the Kharmic effect of inflicting this invasion of space on others by now suffering it myself
Or maybe those that get right up practically inside your clothing.. just want a cuddle?

 

[Aspieistj]

Gender isn't important--just keep back and make certain we NEVER touch!

 

[Progster]

I don't like people to stand too close to me in queues because they smell and it males me feel uncomfortable, even nauseous. But if I leave a gap between me and the person in front of me, someone slways tries to cut across the queue in front of me, and I hate this! I hate people pushing past in front of me, it really upsets me. Grrrrrr! I've had many near meltdowns in queues.

Another thing that drives me mad is when I'm at the supermarket checkout with my basket of goods, and about 4 people jump the queue because they only have 1 or two items to pay for. What people don't seem to realise is that it isn't the number of items in the shopping basket that cause the greatest delays, but the time it takes for the person to fiddle around in their purse, get out their change, count it, pay and wait for their change and receipt. Unless it was very, VERY urgent I would never do this as a matter of principle, I always wait my turn. Grrr!

 

[Spiller]

I'm happy to let a little old lady with a tin of shoe polish in front of me, but blatantly pushing in Why do people think their time is more important than mine?
My pet hates are the isle-blocking-brigade, those people who think the best place to stop and have a conversation is right where it blocks the way for everyone else.. and the dodgers, I'm walking slowly along behind someone with a zimmer frame, being considerate of their disability and the dodger squeezes right up to and in front of me, then veers round the person in front, cos they haven't the decency to be patient!

 

[clg114]

Not all men, obviously. But if you get stung badly enough, you learn to be a little extra cautious around certain types of personalities. There are plenty of men who have earned my trust, but I don't just automatically give it to strangers who don't respect personal space.

Sorry, I don't mean to be offensive, or to put anyone here on the defensive. But I'm automatically on the defense with people who look somewhat similar to my abusers, or talk similarly, or have the same kinds of body language. If the worst that happens to the guy next to me in line is that he gets his feelings hurt...well, that's absolutely nothing compared to what i deal with every day. I don't blame all men...but I am careful.

I apologize if my wording earlier came across harshly. I was still pretty off-kilter from earlier in the day.

No worries, I was not offended, just curious. I am sorry that you have had to suffer abusive treatment. You should be careful. I worry about my wife when she's out & about, without me.

 

[Judge]

How far away do you stand from people when you're in a line with strangers?

Just enough so I am not in their space to the extent that I can read the display of payment terms in a checkout station.

But otherwise it never fails to amaze me how rude people can be when the person behind me keeps moving forward so far that I can barely get access to the display of terms to swipe my card at the checkout.

Three feet of distance in a Walmart at any given time? Utterly impossible, although I can't stand a stranger violating my personal space for any reason at all.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Not all men, obviously. But if you get stung badly enough, you learn to be a little extra cautious around certain types of personalities. There are plenty of men who have earned my trust, but I don't just automatically give it to strangers who don't respect personal space.

Sorry, I don't mean to be offensive, or to put anyone here on the defensive. But I'm automatically on the defense with people who look somewhat similar to my abusers, or talk similarly, or have the same kinds of body language. If the worst that happens to the guy next to me in line is that he gets his feelings hurt...well, that's absolutely nothing compared to what i deal with every day. I don't blame all men...but I am careful.

I apologize if my wording earlier came across harshly. I was still pretty off-kilter from earlier in the day.

It's logical to me. I have a pretty well-developed creep radar from my own encounters. I can't tell you specifically what it is about how they dress, how they move, and how they talk, but there are subtle triggers there that just raise my hackles and make my teeth tingle. Always trust your gut instinct. Be relieved should you be wrong, but be wary in case you're not.