Waiting for assessment (9 days to go...!)

[Markyg]

I had a counselling session today, first ive ever had (im 42). This was in response to events at the weekend where my anger got the better of me due to frustrations in my marriage, counselling is my pro-active effort to mend me and my wifes conflict.

Also raised to essential level is asd assessment for me. The idea i may be on the spectrum came to light as my sons condition became explained to us. This concept has been mulling in my/our minds for 6 months.

I mentioned my now booked private assessment, to the counsellor today at the start of our chat simply to put it on the table, while appreciating the un-diagnosed aspect of the situation.

Counselling itself was well timed in my life, though the necessity for it could never be described as such. Genuinely, ive felt balanced and content within myself in a consistent way ive never experienced before. The chat therefore had at times, a reflective and emotional slant, with many positive recent experiences to add.


Above all else, im feeling absolutely awful about this weekend, forgive me, but i dont wish to discuss this. However be assured my counsellor had no issues and its really my morals and guilt (?) that make me wish to keep private.


However, with this weight on my mind, the anxiety of approaching todays counselling session, and assessment in 9 days, im really approaching non-functionality in work. At home im spending time with my boys and grabbing every bit of rest i can as im absolutely exhausted.


With regards to asd, counsellor agreed, tentatively, she sees traits, which i agree. However, tbh, i wouldn't expect to be anywhere other then in the middle/lower range of what is described as a spectrum...but once youve spent 30+ years of your life struggling to make meaningful friends and finding after a minute of talking to you, most people find you 'odd', 'spectrum' becomes a bit moot...


So, essentially, finding myself in one of the more intense periods of my life....counselling was nice and productive. Ive just got to find a way to shut my brain off between now and sunday week as all it wants to do is run future conversations with a person i havnt met yet about a situation i cant be sure about.


On the plus side, i have learnt over the years to identify people with good hearts, i know i couple, one chap at work which is a godsend as at least i can vent during my day.


Deep breath.....carry on, you only live once, next time i have a week with good times and laughter im going to embrace it whole-heartedly!!!

 

[Gracey]

[QUOTE="Markyg, post: 605339, member: 22063]

... Ive just got to find a way to shut my brain off between now and sunday week as all it wants to do is run future conversations with a person i havnt met yet about a situation i cant be sure about...

[/QUOTE]

I’ve done that a lot.
Run those possible conversations.

I’d be researching what’s (likely) involved in an assessment so I might know how to act, answer and remain composed at all times.
Along the same lines as an interview for a job.

In this instance, in your case, perhaps being yourself -warts and all,
Would be the best way to approach this assessment?
Raw, unprepared?

I do know if we’ve practiced this habit of ‘preparation’ over so many years, it’s done automatically.
It can be difficult (but not impossible) to stop.

 

[disconnected]

I hope you can find what you are looking for

 

[Markyg]

I hope you can find what you are looking for

Thanks, what ever will be will be, its just the sense of limbo is overwhelming...just wanna know!!

 

[Markyg]

[QUOTE="Markyg, post: 605339, member: 22063]

... Ive just got to find a way to shut my brain off between now and sunday week as all it wants to do is run future conversations with a person i havnt met yet about a situation i cant be sure about...

I’ve done that a lot.
Run those possible conversations.

I’d be researching what’s (likely) involved in an assessment so I might know how to act, answer and remain composed at all times.
Along the same lines as an interview for a job.

In this instance, in your case, perhaps being yourself -warts and all,
Would be the best way to approach this assessment?
Raw, unprepared?

I do know if we’ve practiced this habit of ‘preparation’ over so many years, it’s done automatically.
It can be difficult (but not impossible) to stop.[/QUOTE]
I know what your saying.
I think im just amassing experiences and memories and processing thoughts right now.
I feel ive got to trust the professional and provide them with as much useful material as possible to assess correctly.
Ive heard a little bit about possible role playing and story telling?? Ive not much idea, but if thats the case id rather be on the spot and provide honest/realistic reactions.
That said, i get the whole research thing....its what i do in my spare time, the more complex/chaotic the subject the better!!
Suppressing the desire, perhaps contributing to anxiety!!!

 

[Gracey]

Amassing evidence of experiences I get, essential for assessment.

I’m begging your pardon here,
I thought you were going to spend the following 9 days trying to predict the future, so to speak.
Anticipating and becoming anxious due to the unknown.

my mistake

 

[Markyg]

Amassing evidence of experiences I get, essential for assessment.

I’m begging your pardon here,
I thought you were going to spend the following 9 days trying to predict the future, so to speak.
Anticipating and becoming anxious due to the unknown.

my mistake

No i think your right in that my subconcious defaults to such a state, however consciously i rationalise it in a constructive way.

If that makes sense?

Over-anaylsis is part and parcel really, at the end of the day however i calm my mind in a normal state is fine. As the situation becomes more important/stressfull its harder to relax and not supress, but balance these processes.
I think im just applying use to what is out of my control.
It is however exhausting and taking a toll....bring on the 14th!!

 

[Gracey]

Yes it does make sense

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I am awaiting the 17th for the same reason although I don't know how successful it will be as I am seeing a psychiatrist not a psychologist or autism specialist. I don't have access to the latter. Much of what you say certainly resonates with me. I hope it all goes well for you.

 

[Markyg]

I am awaiting the 17th for the same reason although I don't know how successful it will be as I am seeing a psychiatrist not a psychologist or autism specialist. I don't have access to the latter. Much of what you say certainly resonates with me. I hope it all goes well for you.

Thanks you too!