UPDATE: my best friend is pregnant

[Jorg]

Hi, I rarelly post stuff this time or for the past months but if you have read some of my previous thread (it might be in this section) you probably remember I posted about a friend of mine who was inlove of a guy who is kind of a jerk, and that's not only my opinion it was hers at the time.

Anyway, just to sumarize, she often told me she went to sleep crying, one time they had a fight about a money she lend him, and to make things worse the guy has a daughter from another relationship (since their money fight was around novermber I guess the guy needed money for the child support from that month.)

Anyway, yesterday she texted me and showed me a commercial pregnancy test she did, and it looks like she may be pregnant. We have been talking and apparently she's going to go to the doctor and ask for a profesional test.

Meanwhile, today she showed me some texts/screens of a conversation between she and the guy, and apparently the guy became an assh...le when she told him she was going to the doctor, then like a 5yo...nope, not even a 5yo kid does that, he said he wasn't scared but ask her "why she didn't told him to use protection", like if was her fault to get her pregnant. I know I know, as I was in anger with how the guy behave I told my friend she was responsible too, she had to demand this guy to use protection, I mean, I may be not very good socially in that area but it is common sense to use protection if you're going to have sex...

Anyway, at least yesterday she apologyzed to me because she know how much I care for her and didn't want me to be in this position. I just needed to let out my "rant", thanks for reading and if you want, leave your thoughts.

 

[Kalinychta]

Poor thing. I’m guessing she has low self-esteem and was neglected and/or abused as a child? I know what I’d do if I were her. I’d get an abortion and dump him.

 

[Jorg]

Well, idk about her childhood, but she's always been like "needy", I know her since like 15 years ago, and all her boyfrinds have been like...idk...jerks; she ends a relationship and quickly she goes to another one, I have told her several times happiness comes from inside yourself and not from another person but she didn't listen.

An abortion is not someting posible, it is not allowed freely in my country, only for medical cases when the mother's life is in danger and the only way after 3 doctors have studied the case.

 

[Jorg]

Well, this sucks, she went to take the blood test and 5min ago she received the results...it is official, she's pregnant.

What I am worried is she's alone (maybe with a female colleague from work), and she told me she's shaking...and well, she drives to her home...

 

[All-Rounder]

I hope she ends this relationship quickly too, and schedules herself for abortion in a better neighbouring country.

Sorry to hear this has happened, it's terrible to see women have no rights for the minimum necessary.

 

[All-Rounder]

Tell her to take some time and calm, drink some water and drive slow

 

[Jorg]

I hope she ends this relationship quickly too, and schedules herself for abortion in a better neighbouring country.

Sorry to hear this has happened, it's terrible to see women have no rights for the minimum necessary.

I'll be honest with you...she's the kind of girl, maybe because of that needyness that will keep the baby against common sense. When she showed me the first test of pregnancy I asked her what she tought, if she was ok with a positive result or not. She told me she always wanted to be a mother, and well I knew she was going to say that.

In my case, i don't know what to do, since yesterday or even Sunday, I started to feel stressed, very anxious and today I'm starting to feel the physical results of it; I feel like I'm having a flu, severily cold, I feel nausea, and like if I was hit by a truck.

I'm in last year of university and I dont think I can deal with the stress of supporting her, as much as I care for her, and the stress of university. Today she texted me she went to the hospital for enroll in the medical dates following for a pregnant woman. I haven't answered her, I just don't know what to say and I think I should take distance of the whole situation, for me and I don't want to be a "third wheel" in tha "relationship" anymore.

 

[All-Rounder]

It sounds like a lot of stress for both of you. You tried your best to be of support, maybe you can talk to her about it and get some distance. Make sure she knows its not her fault.

 

[Jorg]

Well, I did it, she wasnt like wanting me to go since she said she needed support, I told her how hard has been for me and eveything. I ask her...more like beg her...to leave that toxic relationship and to fight for her child. That I will always care and love her but it was the right descision for both.

Now Im in class trying not to broke into tears.

 

[All-Rounder]

Wait, what third wheel? Care and love her? This sounds like more than friendship

I'm so sorry she didnt leave him.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Jorg, I think you made a wise decision. You don't need to be enmeshed in a triangular relationship. Placing the child for adoption is another option if abortions aren't available in your country but the girl doesn't sound like she will be willing to give up the baby. Maybe once she realizes you are unable to financially support her and the baby she will reconsider both the toxic relationship and keeping the baby instead of placing it for adoption.

 

[All-Rounder]

My girlfriend saved me from a similar 3 y o relationship, she shown he was abusive, explained all my doubts, and ultimately made me choose between him, a liar, and her, a true friend. Now we're together.

You were there for her to the end of your ability, and that's admirable. I can tell you love her and wish her the best.

It's time to get the support you need for yourself, heal and get strong again.

 

[Jorg]

Wait, what third wheel? Care and love her? This sounds like more than friendship

I'm so sorry she didnt leave him.

Yeah, I meant love as friends, idk whats the english expression to differentiate love as "lovers" from friends, sorry.

As for third wheel I meant Iam just tired of giving advice, tell her what I tought again and again when she came talking thrash or sad about how he treated her.

As for me...this is not the 1st time I have my heart crushed to peaces, it is my 1st trying to help a friend in this situation, but I have had several experiences romantically speaking so I learnd a lot from them. I just need time, some days to clear my mind.

I tried to give her advice when I could. I always reminded her that her happiness doesnt come from another person but only from herself and not to beg love but being patient about it, not to force things.

 

[All-Rounder]

Yeah, I meant love as friends, idk whats the english expression to differentiate love as "lovers" from friends, sorry.

As for third wheel I meant Iam just tired of giving advice, tell her what I tought again and again when she came talking thrash or sad about how he treated her.

I understand. It looks like she wasn't ready to leave him, sadly. Kept going back to him like to drugs. :c

 

[tducey]

It's up to your friend as to what she does in regards to the baby. Sounds like a situation that would be best solved by the baby being put up for adoption when it's born.

 

[Jorg]

Is normal or I'm just dumb? I started to feel guilty, I'm sad about leaving her alone in this situation...she has been by my side when I needed help back years ago and know she needs support I just can't. On the other hand, if I'm not mentally good right now, how am I supposed to help her?

I don't know if I mentioned this above, but last month I dreamt about this, I dreamt she was pregnant of this guy and somehow I feel guilty because I told her about my dream, she just said it made her day and laugh. But I only told her about the 1st part of the dream, in the second part i was hugging her, telling her everything was going to be fine. In my dream I talked with the guy, and as I was almost punching him I yelled at him that if he did something that caused her pain, sadness or something I was going to go after him, if you know what I mean.

 

[All-Rounder]

t seemed your stress about the situation transfered in your dreams. This is common, happened to me too.

Guilt is normal too, even when leaving a toxic person who desires nothing good. It's good you decided to take care of yourself, you have the responsibility to do this and it helps your health. If you dont do this you wont be able to help anyone. If youre not well, you cant give wellness and support properly.

 

[Jorg]

I see someone who could be the baby's papa if she leaves her partner....

I know how it sounds, I may be socially dumb but I don't like kids and I already have told her that several times. She believes in god and getting married, and I don't. But please if taking care of that child passes through my mind, you or better my friends, are allowed to kick me in the head XD