Hi,
I'm in my thirties and I still read comic books and write fan fiction. I originally went to school with the intent of becoming a writer. Too bad no one told me I would need more than an English degree. I also got a degree in Education, so I'm teaching middle school (really, trying to teach, and I usually feel completely out of my element and too new even though I've been at it for a few months already).
Things are better than they were. I was working at a youth center in Alabama, and things weren't great; the kids were terrible, the pay was low, and superstition was starting to really get to me.
I feel like I've wasted my life, though. I feel too old to be obsessed with comics, and I wish I could either do something productive with it or stop.
I'm also amazed at what it takes just to do a job properly, and I wonder how people even develop these skills. My mentor teacher (I guess that's who she is) has set up an organization system for me that's supposed to help me keep track of everything I need to do. I would have never thought of that, and I wouldn't have guessed that organization and time management are my main issues; I just thought I couldn't teach. I feel so inept. I'm sure I didn't understand everything she told me, and I probably won't even remember what questions to ask when I inevitably find myself lost again. I feel like the kids don't really trust me. They've said mean things to me, and I just wish I wasn't such a loser.
I wish I could develop at least one of my obsessions into something productive.
I've wanted to learn a foreign language, become a writer, and create a comic book, graphic novel, or teen novel. I haven't done any of those things.
I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder over a year or so ago, and I wish someone would have taken me under wing and started teaching me sooner than this. As it stands, I feel like I know about as much as I did when I was a kid.
Firstly, I'd just like to say that I quite identify with what you're saying about the whole "unproductive obsession" thing.
My main obsession/interest is gaming. I've been into it since I was about 3 years old. As you might expect, my parents used to tell me that I needed to "focus on other things! It'll never get you anywhere!"
Eventually, I decided: I'd try to get a job/career in the industry. I knew so much about the whole thing, it would be a perfect fit! I got an associate's degree in computer science. Little did I know, though, that this was... utterly freaking useless. NOBODY will take someone with a mere associates degree, when it comes to groups that do programming or design of any sort. I would need another FOUR years at least just to get in the freaking door! And I was having a hard enough time as it was. I was always a terrible student. The autism aspects frequently got in the way, my memory was horrible, and my attention span was worse. What's more, I tended to be really bad in a traditional job structure. Thought I'd never get anywhere. My dream was to make a game of my own, and I was bloody CERTAIN it'd never happen.
Fast forward to now: almost two years after it did, in fact, happen. The thing that hadnt occurred to me way back when was that the path I saw to it wasnt the ONLY path. I thought that a job with the big companies was the only way I could actually MAKE something of it, you know. But that wasnt true. With the explosive growth of the internet and the ever-increasing level of technology, there were suddenly many other avenues. A sequence of events that, frankly, didnt make a whole lot of sense ended up getting me in contact with an independant developer. I started helping with testing and such, simply because I could. Eventually I was moderating their forums, and had helped work on an expansion to one of their games. And then after that, a contract, to help MAKE one from the ground up. Nearly two years after it's initial release, my work on the project continues as we're creating an expansion to it. I have enough authority within the project to make decisions about what does and does not get into the game. And this with no "professional" experience. The head developer doesnt care about that: He thought I could do the job, and it turned out (to my own surprise) that he was right. The game turned out well! Nobody was more surprised by that than me.
And that's not the only thing that's happened. I've gotten involved, to varying degrees, with some other developers as well. Now, I'll point out that none of this is a full-time sort of thing for me. I dont work a "real" job for assorted reasons. I'm actually doing the current work on a volunteer basis, because I bloody well can (it was my idea... I didnt feel right taking money from them when I dont genuinely need it).
But still, the point is that I ended up truly producing something, and also managing to help others in the process. PURELY through my experience in what too many people see as a "useless" hobby... it had nothing whatsoever to do with having a college degree (seriously, none of them have cared whatsoever about that). I suspect that there are ALOT of people out there that have very similar stories. Not just in the gaming industry. I'm willing to bet that very similar things have happened in the comic industry as well. Alot of people have this bizarre idea that to be productive you MUST be in a traditional 9-5 full time job, blah blah blah... but that's simply not true. There are MANY ways to make use of your favorite hobby, whatever that may be. Many ways in which you could use it to contribute something.
Lemme ask you this: Have you ever considered making a true attempt at creating a comic (or whatever) of the sort that you want to make? Whatever that may be. The internet, when used properly, is a FANTASTIC way to get started in that sort of thing. Webcomics, for instance. All sorts of them (and I know LOTS of examples). The funny, goofy sort, or the serious storytelling sort... whatever type, it's out there, and people have gained lots of success from it. Sometimes they even go on to produce actual books with their comics. And chances are, for many of them, it's taken them to places they never could have guessed at. And they did this, many times, in a simple way: They simply started a comic, kept going, got people interested over time, and after awhile, it sort of exploded for them, creating all sorts of opportunities. While allowing them to truly enjoy doing what they were doing. And it allowed them to constantly increase their skill level in various areas as they went (art/writing, stuff like that which goes along with comic design and production).
But that's just ONE option. Who knows what other ways you might use your obsession? Having an obsession isnt a bad thing, really. From what I've seen, nearly everyone in this place has one. And alot of us get *really* obsessed, in a similar way to what you describe. It can be difficult to manage at times, this is true. But that sure as heck doesnt mean you cant make something of it, if you decide that you'd really like to. If you put your mind to it and get creative with it, you could really make something special.
Even if you dont though... I dont think it's truly useless, or even completely "unproductive". Does it make you feel good? Does it improve your mood in an overall sense? Even if it ONLY does those things... those are still of great use. Your state of mind has ALOT of bearing on all sorts of things, if you think about it. Hobbies and obsessions can be alot more important than many might guess at.
Even NTs need hobbies and such, "useless" or otherwise. They have an important role to play for many people. So try not to feel bad about having one, regardless of how obsessive it may seem to you.
And if you ever do decide to try making something? Show it off on the forum here! This is a great place for you to get some feedback. We seem to have quite a number of comic lovers here of various sorts.
Congrats on what you've been doing with the teaching jobs, by the way. I think that's very impressive. I have a brother who is doing student teaching, and I know it sure as heck aint easy.