U.S. Folks--Did You have a Transition Plan?

[TiredMom]

Hi. As a lot of you know, I'm writing a book about autism and human rights in the U.S. Right now I'm working on the part about the moment when people leave high school and either go to college or try to find a job. I would really like to here some of your experiences with this moment.

According to federal law, students who had IEPs in school should be offered help with transition planning, starting at age 16.
So here's the question, for Americans who graduated from high school after 2004 when the law went into effect:
---As far as you know, did you have a transition plan?
---If you had a plan, did you play any role in drawing it up (telling people about your hopes for the future, etc.)?
---If you had a plan, did it help at all once you left school?

 

[Au Naturel]

My daughter had an IEP, but only after we went to war for her to get it. No school does such things proactively, it costs money. And no, she never had a transition plan. They never mentioned such a thing. Probably another battle we would need to have fought.

And we live in one of the "better" school districts.

 

[William Weiler]

I approach things thinking they want to help or care about my son. Usually they are horribly constrained by something, or the system evolved based on a well-meaning, but misplaced incentive.

IEPs are competitive. If your child gets more, another gets less. It is a fixed budget. The people are exhausted. They have no time or energy. They too signed up to help children, only to be constrained and demotivated. You realize it almost impossible to design a workable system. Then a lot of times, it is used for political ends by a single person, for advancement, or to hide their lack of effort. (big showy successes without substance to impress authority, or give authority a big showy success with quid pro quo).

In the positive sense, it does work. But the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the painful reality someone else's kid might suffer.

I believe in my heart a kid will shine if not demotivated or discouraged. This is a Dad's job in particular, said this way:

I may not know the names of his teachers, or the last grade on his test. But if he was superhero, I would know what his superpower is. I know what monsters he is afraid of. I know what makes him feel defeated. I know how high he can go on the swing. I am his smiling eyes, his strong hands, his deep voice, I throw him high in the air, and carry him home when he is hurt. I push him when he wants to give up. I am his security, I am a lot of fun, and I challenge him.

 

[Meistersinger]

No such monster, either IEP or transition when I graduated high school almost 45 years ago. Even if they existed then, my parents would refuse any such help for me, because “He needs to learn to fend for himself, because he’s simply lazy.”

 

[William Weiler]

I recommended ABA and help. I received extra time for finals and my own room at my University. It was hugely helpful and saved me so much grief. My professor enthusiastically supported it. People can not ask for help out of pride or shame. My parents did so much more than the opposite, like Meistersinger's post, that is why I want to do it for my son. I learned to cope by threats and abuse, even perfection, like A's on every test. Just yesterday we discussed this. The look of relief on his face. I told him about good enough. The good enough grade, the good enough parent, and the good enough son.

On a more somber note, I took a ABA class online with a psychologist and 5 parents. I told them how I did it and the results. A parent scolded me and told me to be quiet. The psychologist told me to leave afterwards in an email. It is too painful for them. They aren't strong enough to deal with their kids suffering. But I am on the business end of that parent/child relationship now. It is not easy at all, and kind of brutal, even knowing what I know. I don't distract myself by thinking about them, even though it is tempting.

No one did it for me, and no one did for others, that is why I want to do it. But I am not superman, I am a normal guy. I go from hero to wreck in seconds.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Haven't graduated highschool yet, but I hope my IEP works, considering I am currently a senior.

 

[William Weiler]

I can't work in noisy offices or on intense teams. I also suck at conformity. I tell the truth and hurt people quite often (angry faces, oops, now what?), although all these things are better now. I have moved into a parent role. I realize how some young guys at work look at me, like I am the Dad they wanted. Young women are doing this too and now it is painful I don't have a daughter to raise. Wish I could help everyone, but maybe one person is all I can do. Sucks being so limited.

I am saying what weakness did the IEP address? What weaknesses remain? What are your strengths? In college, I needed more time and a separate space for exams. I succeeded before without this, but my reduction in suffering is 1000 times worth it. College was crazy more enjoyable when I went back at 46yrs than 18yrs. I took dancing. Young and old women in your arms looking in each others eyes, while we smile at each other. How did I never know this was always there?

 

[Thinx]

It looks like IEPs are not as functional as they might be, from what a few have said,so it's great that you are writing about it.

 

[William Weiler]

IEP's are not a silver bullet, but then what is. A parent should never over-delegate his kids education or future employment.

 

[All-Rounder]

Im not from US. There was this thing the school did to assign us to a high school, selected by a computer based on our acceptable options, but it could have contained an assessment about our preferences and the personal inclinations. I think it was based on grades. We got such a test in a class [inclinations] , but that may not be enough to tell the hardships as it came out id do great as a social worker, lol. And what's worse is that I believed it.