bigfootjrf81
Active Member
Hello all:
I am going to apologize in advance for this thread because I've never really been on a forum before, and I don't know if this is appropriate. I will also apologize in advance, because as I work through whatever this is, I have to post these things occasionally to get some feedback from one of you out there that may possibly understand.
Before I tell my story, I want to give you a realization that the reason why I decided to post this was because of the knowledge I have gleaned so far regarding this disorder. Anyways, here goes...
I got home from work tonight. I wasn't particularly tired, but maybe a little irritable. Anyway, I came in and my 3-year-old was sitting on his grandma's lap. I guess the story that unfolded was he was jumping up onto the bed and he fell and hurt his leg. I don't know if I can accurately articulate my perception, but whereas a "normal" dad would have kissed him, hugged him, etc., I became angry. I know that may sound stupid, but to me it was just plain logic. If you weren't jumping on the bed, then you wouldn't have hurt your leg. Instead, I became defensive. I don't know why, but all of my compassion was swallowed up by this attitude of "I'm not going to baby you, you're going to walk." Friends, I became SO obsessed with wanting to make him walk, I was actually going to let him cry on the floor until he stood up. What kind of Dad does that??!?
Naturally, this made my wife furious. To me, it was just logical. And, of course, as is my pattern, to me, I did not want to hear her talk. To me it was blah, blah, blah. Just leave me alone, in peace.
Anyway, she got so mad that she slammed the door on me. However when she came back, she had changed a little. She gently started trying to explain to me how I was making him feel. I can't explain it, but something suddenly clicked. I was thinking about how I was feeling, and something clicked, and all the sudden I stopped and realized what a JERK I was being; both to him, and to her. Thankfully, that sudden realization provoked me to stop her in mid sentence and tell her I was sorry.
I cannot explain it. I have done this stupid sort of thing a billion times, and sometimes, it ended with her crying and me WITHOUT A CLUE...
Friends, since she and I came to this understanding that I potentially have this disorder, it has been a blessing because of moments like this where I stop everything and realize what's actually going on in the moment.
If you have ever had experiences like this or can shed any light at all I would be most grateful.
Once again, I don't know if this forum is meant for posts like this, so please set me straight if this is not socially acceptable.
Thank you all
I am going to apologize in advance for this thread because I've never really been on a forum before, and I don't know if this is appropriate. I will also apologize in advance, because as I work through whatever this is, I have to post these things occasionally to get some feedback from one of you out there that may possibly understand.
Before I tell my story, I want to give you a realization that the reason why I decided to post this was because of the knowledge I have gleaned so far regarding this disorder. Anyways, here goes...
I got home from work tonight. I wasn't particularly tired, but maybe a little irritable. Anyway, I came in and my 3-year-old was sitting on his grandma's lap. I guess the story that unfolded was he was jumping up onto the bed and he fell and hurt his leg. I don't know if I can accurately articulate my perception, but whereas a "normal" dad would have kissed him, hugged him, etc., I became angry. I know that may sound stupid, but to me it was just plain logic. If you weren't jumping on the bed, then you wouldn't have hurt your leg. Instead, I became defensive. I don't know why, but all of my compassion was swallowed up by this attitude of "I'm not going to baby you, you're going to walk." Friends, I became SO obsessed with wanting to make him walk, I was actually going to let him cry on the floor until he stood up. What kind of Dad does that??!?
Naturally, this made my wife furious. To me, it was just logical. And, of course, as is my pattern, to me, I did not want to hear her talk. To me it was blah, blah, blah. Just leave me alone, in peace.
Anyway, she got so mad that she slammed the door on me. However when she came back, she had changed a little. She gently started trying to explain to me how I was making him feel. I can't explain it, but something suddenly clicked. I was thinking about how I was feeling, and something clicked, and all the sudden I stopped and realized what a JERK I was being; both to him, and to her. Thankfully, that sudden realization provoked me to stop her in mid sentence and tell her I was sorry.
I cannot explain it. I have done this stupid sort of thing a billion times, and sometimes, it ended with her crying and me WITHOUT A CLUE...
Friends, since she and I came to this understanding that I potentially have this disorder, it has been a blessing because of moments like this where I stop everything and realize what's actually going on in the moment.
If you have ever had experiences like this or can shed any light at all I would be most grateful.
Once again, I don't know if this forum is meant for posts like this, so please set me straight if this is not socially acceptable.
Thank you all
