Trouble asking for help

[Keith]

I volunteer at a local library and I remember, even after working there for several months (I had to for a college certificate), I still had trouble asking for help if I found something confusing. Sometimes it was because I thought I could figure it out myself. If I couldn't I would just sit there frustrated.

I think it relates to my history of judgement issues. I have trouble figuring out whether I should do something and sometimes make the wrong decision, sometimes even when I think it might not be a good idea.

I also have a tendency to try to endure frustration or pain even when I have the option to let people know about it. At the dentist, for example, when I'm having fillings done they tell me to let them know when I want a break. I never do regardless of whether I actually do.

 

[Kirsty]

I always struggle to ask for help too and end up frustrated which makes me even more withdrawn. Only sometimes I ask for help if it's absolutely vital and I'd feel angry or vulnerable inside. If someone offers to help, then it's a relief. I keep myself to myself and don't like 'bossing' people and hardly talk.

 

[clg114]

I do not like to ask for help and I've always been that way. I'm not sure why I'm like that. My wife says that it is "stupid man pride". When I was a kid, my father always told me "if you want something done now and want something done right, you had better do it yourself". I've been like that since I can remember. Maybe it's a Aspie thing or maybe it's just the way I was raised, I just do not know.

 

[Warwick C]

I too have had trouble asking for help. For me it is finding the words and how to ask for help. It could be an aspie thing as we have a different thoght process to other people.

 

[Judge]

I guess the line forms here. Guilty as charged. Not entirely sure why I have always resisted help from people. I certainly have no objections to people seeking help if they need it.

Stubborn or stupid man pride? Could be...maybe I just cherish independence a little too much.

 

[Warwick C]

It could be your independence Judge, i use to be very self dependant until I had to ask for help with my breathing 2 years ago.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I despise asking for help. I'll work really hard to think through a situation and figure out my own answers rather than ask someone. I've honestly wondered for many, many years how I would handle a situation where I needed emergency medical help of some kind.

When I was 13, I fell off my bike and broke my arm in two...like, part of it was dangling from the rest of it. Even though there was a jogger coming down the street, I didn't wait for help. I got up, picking up my arm, and started walking the half mile back to the house where my mom was. The jogger walked along with me, but that was it.

I guess I just have a hard time trusting other people to take care of me.

 

[Judge]

It could be your independence Judge, i use to be very self dependant until I had to ask for help with my breathing 2 years ago.

I know what you mean. I can do a lot of things to try to remain being independent. But being my own successful doctor most definitely isn't one of them.

 

[On the Inside]

I have been this way since I started getting involved with things that took me beyond my natural abilities/talents. When I reach the point where I can't do or figure out how to do something, I'll languish in a state of frustration/indecision/inactivity until I figure out a work around, someone offers help, or time is up.

I have had it called male ego, male pride, etc, too, I call it "waiting for magic to happen". And I'm only half kidding. Many times, inspiration strikes and I work it out. Often in innovative ways.

When things are explained to me, or are shown to me I generally can go from there. But I will eventually reach a point where I need help to go further, and then it's time to swallow my pride and approach someone for help.

Pride does play a part in this, I sometimes feel stupid asking for help. But that shouldn't get in the way. For example, my work involves electronic controls, and I have little experience and only a cursory understanding of it. However, I have a great deal of experience and knowledge in all the other areas of my work, why do I feel that I also need to be an expert at electronics? We have people for that!

I guess I have invested a lot of energy, time and self esteem in proving to myself and others that I am capable, competent, even expert at certain things, and would like to be that way with ALL things.

Completely irrational.

There is the other half, too. I have a great deal of trouble approaching people, knowing when the right time to interrupt them is, feeling that I'm being a nuisance, not wanting to bother them.

That is probably irrational as well.

 

[Keith]

I too have had trouble asking for help. For me it is finding the words and how to ask for help. It could be an aspie thing as we have a different thoght process to other people.

Yes. That is exactly how I feel most of the time. I never know how to put it to words, so even when I want to ask for help I can't because I don't know how to say it.

 

[On the Inside]

Yes. That is exactly how I feel most of the time. I never know how to put it to words, so even when I want to ask for help I can't because I don't know how to say it.

Getting my thoughts out verbally is hard enough, gets even harder when I have to explain my difficulty, why and how I need help. Sometimes I'll circle around a few times before I just dive in and see how it goes. I'm getting better with it now that I am getting effective help for anxiety.

 

[Judge]

"Reaching out" to others for whatever reason often seems an arduous process for me.

Nature of the beast?

 

[Warwick C]

I think it can be Judge, I think it is because we have got so use to depending upon ourselves to get things done. It becomes hard to ask someone else to step in for use when it is beyound our capability.

 

[ASD_Geek]

I have this issue as well. I don't like asking for help. I guess that I feel that I have so much knowledge on other topics/levels that I should know how to resolve the problem.

Part of me feels like I only have a certain number of times to ask before I irritate the other person so I want to "save" that time for when I really need it so I don't use it too early if that makes sense.

There have also been times because of my thought processes being different, that I have asked for help when the answer was simple and I was embarrassed for not seeing it.

 

[Jimbo]

I don't like to ask for help. I think it is more of a problem of not wanting to inconvenience them.

 

[deema]

I volunteer at a local library and I remember, even after working there for several months (I had to for a college certificate), I still had trouble asking for help if I found something confusing. Sometimes it was because I thought I could figure it out myself. If I couldn't I would just sit there frustrated.

I think it relates to my history of judgement issues. I have trouble figuring out whether I should do something and sometimes make the wrong decision, sometimes even when I think it might not be a good idea.

I also have a tendency to try to endure frustration or pain even when I have the option to let people know about it. At the dentist, for example, when I'm having fillings done they tell me to let them know when I want a break. I never do regardless of whether I actually do.

I think you only think it is judgement issues because you feel that this way of thinking is bad and are looking for a way to rationalize your "bad behavior"(bad to you). But nothing bad about it. It is the super hero syndrome . It is simply the deep rooted desire/need to conquer all challenges, alone, to prove that you can. To "yourself", mostly.