Treadmill of Constant Adaptation!!

[GHA]

The Treadmill of Constant Adaptation and Masking
One thing I’ve learned, living alongside a neurodivergent mind for decades, is that adaptation and masking are not just occasional skills. For many, they can become a permanent state.
It’s like being on a treadmill from the moment you start your day until the moment you shut your eyes at night. Every interaction — whether at work, in public, or even at home — involves scanning, filtering, adjusting, and predicting how others will receive what you say or do. There’s no pause button, no stepping off.
For NTs, adaptation is often selective — you do it for a meeting, a formal event, or a challenging conversation. Then you return to your natural rhythm. But for many neurodivergent people, there is no “return.” It’s continuous.
The problem is that even if the pace feels manageable at first, the constant motion drains you. Slowly, the mental reserves shrink. From the outside, you may look fine — still functioning, still meeting demands — but inside, the exhaustion is real and building. Eventually, it catches up, and burnout sets in.
The only sustainable way forward is to create off-ramps during the day and week — spaces where you can be completely unmasked, where there’s no need to adapt for anyone. Without those breaks, even the strongest high-functioning ND will eventually hit the wall.
I’ve seen this happen, and I’ve also seen the difference it makes when someone learns to step off the treadmill, even briefly. Those moments of genuine rest are not a luxury — they are what make long-term success and stability possible.
I’d be interested to hear from others here: do you recognise this “treadmill” feeling? And if so, how do you find your own off-ramps?

 

[Outdated]

A couple of people in here have commented that I seem more self aware than most and from what I've read I think they might be right. When I was a kid no one even knew the word autism, let alone what it meant, but even way back then I understood my own needs quite well, instinctively.

As a child I wasn't always able to achieve what I needed but I understood all too well. As an adult it was a totally different world. In Australia we get 10 paid sick days a year by law and if you only take a single day off you don't need a doctor's note, you just ring up in the morning and say "I won't be in today, I'm crook.".

And if you quit and change jobs you get another 10 days. We also have a decent welfare system which I did lean on quite a bit over the years, sometimes I'd quit my job and not bother looking for another one for a few months simply because I didn't have the energy for it and needed a proper rest.

We also have a different attitude in Australia regarding welfare and there isn't the stigma associated with that that I hear about in other countries. Here we accept that the world is becoming more automated, in fact we've contributed quite a bit to that automation technology over the years, and we completely understand that there's some people who will never get to experience what it means to work for a living and earn good money.

 

[JayCee]

Guess, we are talking HFA masking . If you have had to do it since more youthful days
it might almost be automatic . but not particularily good at when drained of energy.

 

[grommet]

A couple of people in here have commented that I seem more self aware than most and from what I've read I think they might be right. When I was a kid no one even knew the word autism, let alone what it meant, but even way back then I understood my own needs quite well, instinctively.

As a child I wasn't always able to achieve what I needed but I understood all too well. As an adult it was a totally different world. In Australia we get 10 paid sick days a year by law and if you only take a single day off you don't need a doctor's note, you just ring up in the morning and say "I won't be in today, I'm crook.".

And if you quit and change jobs you get another 10 days. We also have a decent welfare system which I did lean on quite a bit over the years, sometimes I'd quit my job and not bother looking for another one for a few months simply because I didn't have the energy for it and needed a proper rest.

We also have a different attitude in Australia regarding welfare and there isn't the stigma associated with that that I hear about in other countries. Here we accept that the world is becoming more automated, in fact we've contributed quite a bit to that automation technology over the years, and we completely understand that there's some people who will never get to experience what it means to work for a living and earn good money.

If you wrote a book about your life I would want to read every page.

 

[Jumpinbare]

If you wrote a book about your life I would want to read every page.

Some of us have had such odd lives that in written form would not be taken seriously by most people. I have read experiences on this and other autism forums that 'normal' people simply would not believe.

 

[Outdated]

I have read experiences on this and other autism forums that 'normal' people simply would not believe.

That's pretty much my entire life. I've got stories that even other autistic people wouldn't believe.

 

[JayCee]

from above by Jumpinbare : If I knew someone was aspie ...you could not startle me enough, on the things . I have lived in real life..That any other Aspie,That I would probably be bound to believe them. Regardless of how extraordinary it sounded,Unless someone could actually first hand verify that it was different than I might be told . And over the years the BS has been so extraordinary in my own life.That I tried to document alot of it with photos. Concerning more extraordinary highlights. And curiosly enough all the memories in my head that seemed to get stored with them. Much of the rest of them got documented in court rooms. When most of the time dishonest lawyers and their employers tried to abuse me and a few different times,Went to court to help out a few different times. When I knew ,it was a shady deal . Including a entire dishonest nepotistic Courthouse. And their entire staff of prosecuetors got reduced/fired, After contacting the General services dept . Of the Federal Gov./State dept. Concerning the court that freed the killers of my late husband refusing me to even make a deposition concerning the obvious facts in the case that were being suppressed by homicide dept and prosecuetor because a friend of theirs did not like us,that lived in the 5 acres nextdoor that was using his grandchildren in their 20s to loot our home and others,when we had to leave for a half a day to see doctors,far away. repeatedly, priceless family photos of my dead father even.and Etc.The courthouse was operating illegally in my area. You see, in your Civics classes you might have learned that if the population in your area is so unpopulated . Without adequate population density in any particular area. The court maynot be able to form a quorum.
And must be sent to a higher court in the county seat. So I made proper gov authorities of this. And as I understood it the Court there could no longer try any significant felon crimes in that court anymore. And subsequently I could not get a single lawyer in the State to retry the case. And they say lawyers do not have a blacklist ? The story is far deeper than just what I wrote. I would not have believed it if I hadn't lived it.Lost a home in that deal too.

 

[GHA]

A couple of people in here have commented that I seem more self aware than most and from what I've read I think they might be right. When I was a kid no one even knew the word autism, let alone what it meant, but even way back then I understood my own needs quite well, instinctively.

As a child I wasn't always able to achieve what I needed but I understood all too well. As an adult it was a totally different world. In Australia we get 10 paid sick days a year by law and if you only take a single day off you don't need a doctor's note, you just ring up in the morning and say "I won't be in today, I'm crook.".

And if you quit and change jobs you get another 10 days. We also have a decent welfare system which I did lean on quite a bit over the years, sometimes I'd quit my job and not bother looking for another one for a few months simply because I didn't have the energy for it and needed a proper rest.

We also have a different attitude in Australia regarding welfare and there isn't the stigma associated with that that I hear about in other countries. Here we accept that the world is becoming more automated, in fact we've contributed quite a bit to that automation technology over the years, and we completely understand that there's some people who will never get to experience what it means to work for a living and earn good mone

That's pretty much my entire life. I've got stories that even other autistic people wouldn't believe.

That's pretty much my entire life. I've got stories that even other autistic people wouldn't believe.

I know exactly what you mean. I’ve spent over 25 years researching, observing, and trying to understand — yet I still feel my knowledge is only surface level. It’s like standing on the shore watching the ocean: you can study the waves, the tides, even predict the patterns, but the deep currents and what it truly feels like beneath the surface can only be known by those who live in it every day.
That’s why I value hearing these experiences directly. They go beyond what books, research, or even decades of observation can teach. They give a glimpse into a reality that many will never see — and it’s a privilege to listen.

 

[Outdated]

They go beyond what books, research, or even decades of observation can teach.

To this day I still haven't even attempted to do one of those online autism tests for a couple of different reasons:

Mostly because of experiences throughout my whole life I expect the results will be as inaccurate as judgements made by doctors and other professionals and I'll be insulted. Secondly because I have no need, I know who I am.

I also dead flat refuse to read any articles supposedly explaining autism unless it specifically states that it has been written by an autistic person because only people that have lived it truly understand. I liken it to a book explaining what it's like to be a woman, written by a man. Once again, I will be offended.

 

[GHA]

To this day I still haven't even attempted to do one of those online autism tests for a couple of different reasons:

Mostly because of experiences throughout my whole life I expect the results will be as inaccurate as judgements made by doctors and other professionals and I'll be insulted. Secondly because I have no need, I know who I am.

I also dead flat refuse to read any articles supposedly explaining autism unless it specifically states that it has been written by an autistic person because only people that have lived it truly understand. I liken it to a book explaining what it's like to be a woman, written by a man. Once again, I will be offended.

I understand your view completely. I have a neurodivergent son, and over decades of walking his path alongside him, I’ve seen firsthand that lived experience goes far beyond what books, research, or even decades of observation can teach.
Before I post anything about these topics, I always share it with him first. That way, it’s not just my perspective as an observer — it’s grounded in the reality of someone who lives it every day. Clinical descriptions or tests barely touch the surface; at best, they can give stereotype-based advice, which often misses the nuances that truly matter.

That’s why I value hearing directly from those who live it — because no professional assessment can replace the depth and authenticity of a lived voice.