Trauma teddy

[Gift2humanity]

These teddy’s go to traumatised kids.
I cried when I saw a load of them in a window and was given one, I knit this one to give back.

 

[watersprite]

That’s beautiful & beautiful knitting @Gift2humanity .

I finished the book, The Body Keeps The Score, last night.

 

[Gift2humanity]

That’s beautiful & beautiful knitting @Gift2humanity .

I finished the book, The Body Keeps The Score, last night.

Thank you, I am scared to read that.
I tried being present and am too fragmented due to complex trauma. I felt like my mind was annoyingly verbalising everything instead of directly experiencing it, in the psychedelics used to allow me to.
I then tried somatic experiencing, I had read this before and was keen, however my body was too numbed out to show me any feelings I could work with.
I then tried internal family systems and got to know some parts of me. These parts are stubborn and protective of the more vulnerable parts, yet they mean well. While they mean well, they are blocking me from experiencing parts of myself that need work.
This has, to be honest, lead me to a state of despair.
I feel like I am existing but not living.
I live in a nice place but can not fully experience it because of all the mental chatter.
We are also lucky enough here, to have a walk in arts centre where musicians, artists, poets etc can hang out, they put on shows.
I love it, it gives me distraction but I only go when I can put my problems aside as it’s a positive place and I do not want to lower the vibration there.

 

[watersprite]

I was hoping somatic therapy would be helpful, but the person here who does it, decided they can’t do a sliding fee scale.

If you can, go out walking anyway. Some part of the goodness gets through and your body needs the movement. I have a hard time with this sometimes. Those endorphins are priceless.

I have a friend overseas who also is trying to deal with trauma from a very long time ago. It is the same sort of challenge. It seems when there’s a safe time & place to unpack it, then the structures refuse to allow for that. She has been despairing for a while, had a nervous breakfown but, I think,, & hope has turned a corner.

I know exactly what you mean about being a layer back, not experiencing what is or could be pleasing and or meaningful.

I don’t want anyone to despair.

 

[AGXStarseed]

The teddy's design reminds me a bit of Rupert the Bear.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I was hoping somatic therapy would be helpful, but the person here who does it, decided they can’t do a sliding fee scale.

If you can, go out walking anyway. Some part of the goodness gets through and your body needs the movement. I have a hard time with this sometimes. Those endorphins are priceless.

I have a friend overseas who also is trying to deal with trauma from a very long time ago. It is the same sort of challenge. It seems when there’s a safe time & place to unpack it, then the structures refuse to allow for that. She has been despairing for a while, had a nervous breakfown but, I think,, & hope has turned a corner.

I know exactly what you mean about being a layer back, not experiencing what is or could be pleasing and or meaningful.

I don’t want anyone to despair.

Thanks for your post.
I have been tearful today.
I nearly started crying on Saturday when I walked past a shop window and saw these handmade things.

I feel scared to go out in case I start crying. Our little town is so sweet, in nature it feels like the shrubs and bushes want to hug you.
I’d feel guilty staying in though, I stayed in several years, lost 6 or more stones and spent lots of time in bed with black bin liners at the windows to block out what I was missing.

Plenty people here were really worried about me, I’d feel guilty doing that again.
Nervous breakdowns scare me, I am weaning off Valium at my own pace and my psychiatrist said if I was sectioned they would take me off and decide my medication.

I knew a man online who’s wife was younger than me, they took her off tranquillisers like mine and poly drugged her, she now has dementia from the drugging and can’t look after herself.

I have no one to look after me. My choice would be a care home over a grand a week as I don’t qualify for free care or the streets as I am a homeowner and can’t cope with running it.

I hope I can go out without crying.
I first went out this March after several years stuck in and it seemed to go well at first but seems to be getting steadily worse, I have good distractions but distraction is not enough.

 

[watersprite]

It’s good you have a psychiatrist.

That friend I mentioned needs to find a good doctor & a psychiatrist. Her previous doctor did the same thing to her, as you mentioned; he put her on too many drugs and it made her sick, then the breakdown. She is strong and tough and I think she will find a way to re-structure her thinking & feeling. It helps both of us to talk on Skype (we are 8000 miles apart), once in a while.

Those knitted ice cream cones are adorable.

It sounds like you know a few people in your town, and they know you. That is very fortunate.

I have the opposite problem of not being able to cry.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It’s good you have a psychiatrist.

That friend I mentioned needs to find a good doctor & a psychiatrist. Her previous doctor did the same thing to her, as you mentioned; he put her on too many drugs and it made her sick, then the breakdown. She is strong and tough and I think she will find a way to re-structure her thinking & feeling. It helps both of us to talk on Skype (we are 8000 miles apart), once in a while.

Those knitted ice cream cones are adorable.

It sounds like you know a few people in your town, and they know you. That is very fortunate.

Yes I’m grateful to have someone allow me to reduce at my own rate rather than go through painful withdrawals. He wanted me to use the drug service who do control your dose but agreed to let me cut in my own pace.

I am glad your friend talks to you, sorry she was drugged.

yes those cones are real tear jerkers, the soft fleece and those lovely faces, I love soft cuddly things.

 

[Au Naturel]

I was hoping somatic therapy would be helpful, but the person here who does it, decided they can’t do a sliding fee scale.

If you can, go out walking anyway. Some part of the goodness gets through and your body needs the movement. I have a hard time with this sometimes. Those endorphins are priceless.

I have a friend overseas who also is trying to deal with trauma from a very long time ago. It is the same sort of challenge. It seems when there’s a safe time & place to unpack it, then the structures refuse to allow for that. She has been despairing for a while, had a nervous breakfown but, I think,, & hope has turned a corner.

I know exactly what you mean about being a layer back, not experiencing what is or could be pleasing and or meaningful.

I don’t want anyone to despair.

Walking is an outstanding way to clear the cobwebs out of the brain. Not just a casual stroll but something at least an hour long and with enough effort to leave you tired at the end of the trip. When you are working at something requiring focus (so you don't trip or run into something) and are focused on the world around you (so you can really be a part of the environment) a different part of the brain takes over. The parts of the brain used in mapping and learning turn off the parts involved with remembering old trauma.

 

[watersprite]

@Au Naturel Agree 100%. I’ve been doing that since a child, first in the Ca. Sierras, then everywhere else I’ve lived. Images and trails and connections to ideas are what my brain “does.”
It is what humans have been doing, up until recently, ror a really, really long time. The earth and sky are our real mama & papa.

 

[Misery]

Wow I did NOT read that first sentence properly.

I'm hungry and distracted, so I look at that, and I see "THESE TEDDIES TRAUMATIZED THE CHILDREN" and I'm like... wait, what?

Fortunately my initial perception was wrong. There's a lesson to be learned there, like "dont use the internet while dying from hunger".

 

[ForestGumpett]

The bear you made is amazing! You have a gift and are clever!

Thank you for sharing such sweet things, it touched my heart to read it (((hug)))

 

[Aspychata]

These teddy’s go to traumatised kids.
I cried when I saw a load of them in a window and was given one, I knit this one to give back.
View attachment 68585

That teddy really made me smile. That teddy has lots of love to help a younger one who didn't deserve that in their lifetime.

Feel so bad l couldn't save my daughter and protect her. And she has Stockholm syndrome and can't leave her abusive father. I wish l could have been the mother that l truly wanted to be.

 

[Gift2humanity]

That teddy really made me smile. That teddy has lots of love to help a younger one who didn't deserve that in their lifetime.

Feel so bad l couldn't save my daughter and protect her. And she has Stockholm syndrome and can't leave her abusive father. I wish l could have been the mother that l truly wanted to be.

Your post shows that you have the ability to be a loving mother and I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. Lots and lots of love X