Tough love

[that girl]

I am a NT-woman who has a relationship with a guy with undiagnosed Asperger. It's a long distance relationship and he has a child with his ex, a ex who has her own issues. He decided he wouldn't have a girlfriend until the child grew up, but here we are - and the child is ten.

No one knows about me. Everyone knows about him. He don't need to meet me. I'm dying to meet him. It's difficulties. I'm waiting for him, but would like to wait with him. Sometimes I think I have to end it, it's to hard for me. I'm thinking of him and us all the time.

He has periods where he is on. He calls me, we are on facetime, and a lot of messages goes between us. He sends me links and videos. Hearts. Lovely messages. I fell loved. But it's periods. In between he is quit, it can go several days where I don't hear from him. He say's I am there with him. In his mind. Sometimes he pull out a photo of me. It's so introvert.

I know that a life with an aspie wont be easy, but it has to be easier than a life with an aspie living a secret live with me, over the Internet. We both have kids. In three years I can move, but it'll be long distance for at least those three years. I love him, I want to wait. When I feel I'm waiting on my own, I'm not feeling good. He is so different from me.

Do you see Asperger in my story? Should I wait?

 

[Beverly]

Honestly, I don't see Asperger's I see a man very much like my ex step son. He uses online and long distance communication with a good 10-12 "girlfriends" and, had another 5-6 locally. He's terrified of being alone and will take whomever will have him but, he has no concept of dropping the others or getting off dating sites when he is with someone.

He thinks it's fine to live with one woman, face time another and, take a third out to dinner, two of the three being "just friends" or so he tells the one he lives with. Then he will bed any of them at the first chance he gets.

I wouldn't trust a man like that, I'd move on to someone better that would give me what I need in a relationship and, not try to hide me.

I know that's not what you want to hear and, keep in mind that it is only my take on what you have posted, based on my life experiences.

You have to have somethings in common for a relationship to work, shared interests, goals, desired living locations at least. If you share nothing, it won't work anyway. Opposites attract but, if there is no common ground, opposites also fight like cats and dogs. Keep that in mind as you make your decisions in this.

 

[Judge]

In between he is quit, it can go several days where I don't hear from him.

From my own perspective, this is a classic trait of one who is on the spectrum of autism. That many of us require routine amounts of solitude, and are quite comfortable being alone for sustained periods of time. Something NTs cannot easily relate to, and may be prone to misinterpreting it, taking it as a personal slight when it is not.

IMO, it's every NT's challenge to overcome such feelings, if they want to successfully maintain a long-term relationship with someone on the spectrum of autism.

Yet I'm also compelled to say don't feel too badly if you can't deal with such circumstances no matter how hard you may have tried. Where you may perceive having to pull more weight on your side of the relationship than his. It's a type of relationship that is just not for everyone.

 

[that girl]

Honestly, I don't see Asperger's I see a man very much like my ex step son. He uses online and long distance communication with a good 10-12 "girlfriends" and, had another 5-6 locally. He's terrified of being alone and will take whomever will have him but, he has no concept of dropping the others or getting off dating sites when he is with someone.

He thinks it's fine to live with one woman, face time another and, take a third out to dinner, two of the three being "just friends" or so he tells the one he lives with. Then he will bed any of them at the first chance he gets.

I wouldn't trust a man like that, I'd move on to someone better that would give me what I need in a relationship and, not try to hide me.

I know that's not what you want to hear and, keep in mind that it is only my take on what you have posted, based on my life experiences.

You have to have somethings in common for a relationship to work, shared interests, goals, desired living locations at least. If you share nothing, it won't work anyway. Opposites attract but, if there is no common ground, opposites also fight like cats and dogs. Keep that in mind as you make your decisions in this.

Thanks for the feedback, although it isn't, like you wrote, not what I wanted to hear. At least he don't bed anyone else, that I' sure of. And we talk a lot, and have many common interests. He has a problem with choosing, in all parts of life. He has several women on skype, he is honest about that - I also talk with male friends I've met online, so that's okay. The main problem is that he don't understand what's stressing me, so I have to deal with my unsecurity on my own.

Well, time will show..

 

[that girl]

From my own perspective, this is a classic trait of one who is on the spectrum of autism. That many of us require routine amounts of solitude, and are quite comfortable being alone for sustained periods of time. Something NTs cannot easily relate to, and may be prone to misinterpreting it, taking it as a personal slight when it is not.

IMO, it's every NT's challenge to overcome such feelings, if they want to successfully maintain a long-term relationship with someone on the spectrum of autism.

Yet I'm also compelled to say don't feel too badly if you can't deal with such circumstances no matter how hard you may have tried. Where you may perceive having to pull more weight on your side of the relationship than his. It's a type of relationship that is just not for everyone.

Thanks.