This one likes that one who likes another (confused yet?)

[Cilantro]

I recently realized that I have feelings for one of my friends. We both have Asperger?s and have a great deal of common ground ranging from our interests to our values, several of which are very rare.

I?m a writer by hobby and so is he, so we often share our work. I?ve written more in the past few weeks than in the past several months, and if I hadn?t broken my instrument I?d probably be composing (do notes count?). A lot of what I?ve written lately has included things I see in him and deep down I wish he could see himself in the pages and realize that, as these characters and these situations are not monstrous and ugly, he?s just a human being despite what his upbringing has made him believe about himself. I wish there was some way for him to see how he looks through the eyes of others and especially though mine.

This probably sounds all wonderful and sentimental, or at least I hope it does.

There's one problem: he?s still hung up on a girl he loved in high school.

I lied, there's another problem: she?s breathtaking, outgoing, intelligent, funny, etc.

Even if he saw something in me, I worry I?d just be a consolation prize girlfriend who?d never measure up to the kind of girls he pines for. I have my merits, but I?m plain, have adopted the humor and communication style of the brothers I grew up with, and tend to keep to myself. I'm not exactly what people think of when you tell them to imagine a beautiful and vivacious woman, and that's putting it lightly.

I would sacrifice many things for him, but I would never sacrifice my self-respect to trail like a lost puppy after someone who wouldn't feel the same. I don?t believe love should or can involve the sacrifice of such important things simply for the entertainment or convenience of the other. That would just be another instance of a mixture of other things such as lust, infatuation, greed, fantasy, and opportunism being mislabeled as love.

I can?t help but wonder if there?s hope, though.

 

[Aalo]

I've read that most people never really forget their first meaningful love and that can appear in so many variations. Some may remember that one accurately for decades or that person in particular might lose all their meaningful personal traits but remain as an ideal. For some it's a relevant desire where as sweet memory for others. For what I understood your guy still fancies that girl, but there's no way of telling if she's that sort of ever dream for him and if it'll be weathered to the level that is acceptable for you.
I'd steer you to make yourself visible to him, but not get too involved in order to become a beast of burden for mislead desires he might have, to see if he's interested in the first place. It's good that you can identify your limits of willingness and self respect, and I hope you won't ever forget them. Hope is something we can always have. There's not much else you can do but wait or try, both might or might not succeed.

 

[poey]

....A lot of what I?ve written lately has included things I see in him and deep down I wish he could see himself in the pages and realize that, as these characters and these situations are not monstrous and ugly, he?s just a human being despite what his upbringing has made him believe about himself. I wish there was some way for him to see how he looks through the eyes of others and especially though mine.
.........

I lied, there's another problem: she?s breathtaking, outgoing, intelligent, funny, etc.

Even if he saw something in me, I worry I?d just be a consolation prize girlfriend who?d never measure up to the kind of girls he pines for. I have my merits, but I?m plain, have adopted the humor and communication style of the brothers I grew up with, and tend to keep to myself. I'm not exactly what people think of when you tell them to imagine a beautiful and vivacious woman, and that's putting it lightly.


I can?t help but wonder if there?s hope, though.

There is hope. You can help him see himself as you see him.... And if you can see yourself as others see you. We are our harshest critics.