This is so hard

[Starflowerpower87]

My original worker for independent living support is coming back soon. There was just fill ins all summer long. No one told me to take a shower. No one told me to clean. It was great. But my original worker is coming back from her break and she will be cracking the whip. In a way I'm relieved because not much was getting done without her. I was just basically having fun with the other workers. Problem is I have her four days out of the week in the middle of the day for 3 to 4 hours, so it's hard to find time to shower. We used to eat out a lot to fill time which was nice but I can't do that any more because I'm having trouble making ends meet. So many bills. Food is expensive. I'm a little nervous having her back since she's been out so long. To be honest I don't know how I did it before because I was with her so much there wasn't much breathing room. I hope everything works out when she come back. Hope she isn't too hard on me. I feel like she over looks the fact I'm very mentally ill and pushes me to do stuff. She doesn't push me to shower just kind of guilt trips me when I haven't done it in a while. Although it's good motivation, I grow weary of it. But who knows maybe I need a kick in the butt. She doesn't push me to clean but just reminds me about it until it gets done. She does push me to go to outings. Not all the time but to certain events. Hate when she does that. I thought about changing workers and almost did it but then started having extreme panic attacks at the thought of going without her. I don't know why.

 

[Aspychata]

It's sounds like a true like-hate situation . You know she motivates you, and somehow you get stuff done. Just let her know eating out maybe only once a month?

 

[Starflowerpower87]

It's sounds like a true like-hate situation . You know she motivates you, and somehow you get stuff done. Just let her know eating out maybe only once a month?

I think I will be fine financially as long as I don’t spend so much on lunch. Since I have her later in the day, I can get her help to cook supper.

 

[RemyZee]

How much choice do you have about who your workers are? It sounds like to some degree you appreciate that she pushes you a little out of your comfort zone. Maybe just be open and let her know when she pushes too hard?

 

[Matthias]

I'd let her know how you feel. If you really hate something she does, like pushing you to go on certain outings, just let her know and there's a good chance she'll stop doing it. Changing workers without discussing it with her first isn't fair to her and may get you someone worse.

 

[Rocco]

Unless i misinterpreted what you wrote, I do not really know, but it sounds like the worker described is good and helpful. The pushing to do things you are not necessarily comfortable with sounds like it is done from a place of helpfulness and not overly demanding. Pushing beyond our comfort zone from time to time is healthy and fosters personal growth.
Some of my best experiences came from doing things outside of my typical routines.

 

[Starflowerpower87]

Unless i misinterpreted what you wrote, I do not really know, but it sounds like the worker described is good and helpful. The pushing to do things you are not necessarily comfortable with sounds like it is done from a place of helpfulness and not overly demanding. Pushing beyond our comfort zone from time to time is healthy and fosters personal growth.
Some of my best experiences came from doing things outside of my typical routines.

I think it just gets to me because it's like having a second mother that I live with, telling me what I should do. All well. At least it's what gets things done. Most of the time. I must admit I did miss her while she was away for so long. I found without her, reality was getting too intense and I was having spells of anger for some reason. Hopefully you are right and she is good for me. I hope I don't get burnt out from her. I talked to her today through text and she wasn't too hard on me. But she did tell me what I should do. But not much. It wasn't too bad. I also saw her at the mall and we just talked.

 

[Rocco]

@Starflowerpower87
It took me a long time to realize how helpful it is to have a person like your worker in life.

I spent the last 10 months alone and self isolated outside of work most of the time. I live independently with no assistance other than my parents sending gift cards occasionally. Outside of work, I did whatever I wanted and ate whatever I wanted. It felt glorious in a hedonistic way.

I recently acknowledged the fact that my apartment has become a disorganized mess, my life had become a disorganized mess, I was a bit aimless.
I find that I benefit and thrive having someone to remind me of things and keep me on track. I miss having that. It took months of having no one around to realize I needed someone to remind me of things being neglected. I do not have any help like a worker and probably will never will. That makes me vicariously appreciate the idea that you have a worker.
It was a realization that my ego was in the way of my living a better life. That is just my personal experience and perspective and may not apply to you.