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thinking of asking a girl out crazy huh

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
she's not shy with anyone else
Shyness is situational. It's only present with people they don't know.
If it's just with you, you could be misjudging the signals. Verify that it applies to everyone she doesn't know at least well enough that she knows their name,

BTW: despite the tone of optimism in the thread. a word of warning: there is an "asymmetrical" risk involved.
By all means make an approach, but be careful to follow the protocols.
 
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MNAus

Well-Known Member
The best thing you can do is wind in your expectations of her. If you're already projecting beautiful futures you're putting on pressure where it isn't warranted. Who knows, she might turn out to be a nazi or something. Maybe she smacks kids on the street. Maybe she enjoys kicking dogs. You're not asking her to marry you, you just like what you see SO FAR, would like to know more and have a nice time too. What's not to like about that?
 

thejuice

Well-Known Member
I know a month after she's left I'll have forgotten her it's just one of many temporary 'infatuations'. It doesn't really mean much..
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I know a month after she's left I'll have forgotten her it's just one of many temporary 'infatuations'. It doesn't really mean much..
Nothing wrong in enjoying a spark, even it doesn't become anything more than a smile. But still, if you don't try to start the fire when you have a spark, then it will always fade again, maybe you can't catch her, but if there are no good reasons not to, then I would still try to go for it... or I don't know if I would, but I hope I would :)
 

Tom

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Wrap your arm in bandages spinkle some ketchup on it (not too much!). If she asks what happened say you were hit by a harpoon saving a whale from poachers, but it's healing nicely.

No not serious. Anyway, if she goes away in a few weeks it is not a good situation overall. If it was me I would probably not pay her any more extra attention. Not be rude, just not show interest anymore. Everyone in the place probably is aware of your crush.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
Staff member
V.I.P Member
yeh going in everyday be sus
Am I understanding correctly that this is a person who is employed at a café and you are a customer there?

It does strike me as problematic that she will be moving away very soon. Even if it is just an hour, it seems like an odd time to start "dating" someone. Do you think you could be friends with this person? Maybe it would be better to take it in a very casual direction and just try hanging out with her as friends instead of putting the pressure of asking her out on yourself and on her.
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Am I understanding correctly that this is a person who is employed at a café and you are a customer there?

It does strike me as problematic that she will be moving away very soon.
Yeah but not a blocker, I met my JJ two weeks before I moved out of the country, half year later I was back - on valentines day this year we have been married for 20 years.
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
How did you communicate in the beginning after you moved?
(Just curious, if you feel like sharing. No pressure!)
Feel free to ask :) we used the phone to communicate, this was before video calls were really a thing, and I didn’t have Internet in my new appartment anyway - I spend most of my salary on phonecards those months :) We met two times during that half year. The time difference was like 8h.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
Staff member
V.I.P Member
Feel free to ask :) we used the phone to communicate, this was before video calls were really a thing, and I didn’t have Internet in my new appartment anyway - I spend most of my salary on phonecards those months :) We met two times during that half year. The time difference was like 8h.
It is definitely true that connections can grow and be maintained in a multitude of ways. Especially with the internet and cell phones, two people can feel close even when they are far away. Every connection will be unique, I suppose, and needs different ingredients to get it just right.
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It is definitely true that connections can grow and be maintained in a multitude of ways. Especially with the internet and cell phones, two people can feel close even when they are far away. Every connection will be unique, I suppose, and needs different ingredients to get it just right.
It was not like we didn't have our conflicts or fights - but that was some issues we would have had to work through anyway :)
 

Greening

Well-Known Member
She keeps looking in my general direction or makes eye contact and smiles unsolicited when Im at the cafe. Problem is when i try to talk to her she gets all shy so Its a bit confusing!
So you want to ask her out, which means you should ask her out. The shyness and nervousness, and whatever, is there, because it means something! How wonderful. I thought, maybe you could ask her out on a date where you can walk together, because walking is a good way to just be together and to remove the feeling of pressure about talking all the time, coming up with things to say and so on. Good luck with it!
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
I do agree,l can get incredibly shy around a guy l really like. Back to elementary school shy. Tongue-tied, stupid, and l make too many jokes around them, that's while l am trying to catch their gaze. Probably because they are on the spectrum. They totally amazed me. We do tend to understand ND people quite well. The nuances they run thru daily. Where as NT people just leave me cold, l don't understand, l can't relate, so l just don't bother.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I always say life is too short. You don't want to live with any regrets. So go for it. Honestly you have nothing really to lose. Trust me you will regret not trying.
Exactly! I have several regrets that I have had to live with. I could have been kind, but I was too confused and anxious and did not connect when I may have had a chance. My experiences, though, led me be much bolder than usual when I met an exceptional woman, my future spouse. She was not going to get away!
 

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